My training log and thoughts

 30.12.2023 Workout - very light session Wall pushups, rubber pulls, light ohp Pushup plank and 10 pushups - 2 sets Reading some old posts. I remember when I had the long-lasting elbow issue. So glad it's gone now! And now wrist issues either. I should do some drumming tomorrow. 8-1-8, and the basic grooves with different bass drum pedal placements. That'll make me happy. Also I'll squat. I really should go back to workouts no more than 4 times a week. 2023 was a shit year. Some good things, they came and went. Too much suffering. I used to hurt, but this year I started to rot. I gave up on a lot of things. But not on everything. And not on myself. I am still alive and I am still a force of nature. Perhaps I am hybernating, taking my time to burst out and do what needs to be done. Optimistic. Fresh. Surprised. 31.12.2023 Nutrition 7/10, sleep same, mental state not too bad either, about 6/10. Had one moka so far. I feel in control of myself today. Thank God. You gotta take ...

 28.12.2023 Feeling a bit better than yesterday. Workout Curls, sets of 15 reps 2 kg dbs - 2 sets 6 kg dbs - 2 sets 8 kg dbs - 2 sets Calf raises - 2 sets Squats - 3 sets of 15 29.12.2023 Genuinely above average day. Had enough sleep, had a random but sort of nice meal (cereal with a lot of very unexpected seeds and stuff). Waited, rested. Since last Tuesday it's been a bit more chaotic, a lot like 2021. 2021 was an awesome year, but this last week was only really halfway awesome. 2020 was better for me. Wednesday, for example, was horrendous simply due to biochemical disbalance in my brain. We've been having issues with the new boiler, a thingy, a servo has been installed so the hot water can go between faucet and heating. It's automatical, so we can have disabled heating in the summer while still having hot water in the faucet. The guy installed a bypass. We've been having issues with this thing turning off, the boiler itself turning off all the time until I opened th...

 27.12.2023 Today I'm feeling really subpar and I'm horribly low on mental energy. I'm not sure what kind of workout I'm going to have. Hey, at least the New Year is soon and things are going to be calm for a week and a half. Today's an easier session. Week 11, Session 1 - 77,5% for 5 sets of 3 . So, maybe we can make it really easy and just go from 230 to 250. Workout Deadlift 20 - 50 - 70 - 120 Losing my shit. That happens. Trying to stop myself from messing stuff up. It's difficult. It's a purely physical condition. 163 203 233 for 3 feel like shit 233 for 3 a little better. Should not have had any coffee or caffeine yesterday. But I'm afraid I still will be taking one tomorrow morning. It's too important for my performance in a public space. I will need good hydration. My nervous system has been abrased again. But it's better than in the last three months. October was messy, November was deadly, December has been picking up. Lifting performa...

26.12.2023 Nice day. Slept little but well. Went and worked, it was decent today, performance-wise. Actually, it was better than before. But there were no high standarts, since it's the new year week. Went home, snacked a little, slept a little. I could have stayed sleeping at 6 PM, but I htink if I did it would have been my body thinking it's already nighttime, so I got up. Had two conventional brews. And also, I had a caffeine pill in the morning. It wasn't very strong. Now I've just finished my second little pot. It's nice, 65/100 taste and effect wise. I'm going to do bench press. So much pressing in just a few days, eh? Well, the intensity is going to be lowered, but the frequency will lead to even more energy accumulation. And it's been a week and one day. A little too long, but understandable since we're shifting priorities to OHP again. We did sets of 5 last time. I'm lax with the bench programming. I think we can do a good enough volume with...

 25.12.2023 Honestly, a lovely day. Didn't sleep much, but I got enough. Went somewhere, ate plentifully, worked. Throat a little sore still. Was feeling a little sleepy, but it just went away. Feeling good in general. Hoping to do some nice OHPs. Not the toughest ones, perhaps, but I expect to see good velocity and effort. Yes, I feel like it's a smart enough choice to go with today. Week 2, Session 2 - 82,5% for 4 sets of 3 . Another little collision, hehe. So, we'll just be working in roughly the same weight range again, but just a little higher, 100 to 105. The goal is to keep the technique as consistent as possible. Had only one conventional brew today. It felt enough. Workout Warmup - some Overhead press 20 for 10 50 for 5 70 for 5 90 for 3 100 for 3 - good. Half-casual, half concentrated, but it was easy. 103 for 3 105,5 for 3 105,5 for 3 alright, good, smooth. Didn't skew to the right, that's progress 90 - 70 - 50 - 20 for 2 reps as I unloaded the bar - repe...

 24.12.2023 Squat. 82,5% for 4 sets of 3, going from 180 to 200. Should be nice. I've been feeling rather great in general, oldschool style, like in 2021. Well, there were downsides to feeling like it, of course. But I am feeling well, slept well and done some work. The worries that used to bother me have taken a couple of steps back. Now it's pretty late. I had two conventional coffees and now I've finished one moka. So, roughly an average amount of caffeine. I expect to have some decent exertion today. Workout Warmup - dressing up, BW squat 2 sets of 20 Squat 20 for 10 50 for 10 100 for 5 quick warmup. Upper body feels very stable, unusually so. 140 for 5 180 for 3 - I've done this set casually, but the weight wasn't casual. No problem, I know my CNS isn't fully activated yet. 180 for 3 - much better, good velocity 180 for 3 so good. Not completely without strain, but my muscles feel so tight and springy, crunchy even. I must attritbute it to nutrition at leas...

 23.12.2023 Kind of a nice day. Got enough sleep for once. Nutrition has been subpar. Feeling mostly tired. Something changed to make my muscles go way more lactic after my workouts this week. Must be disbanded shape. I'm not too bad, but a week ago I was really off. I've started regaining my CNS and overall energy capacity with the squat session last week. I was pondering if I should squat today, but it makes more sense to leave it for tomorrow. Workout Rubber pulls - folded rubber, a long set with both arms and one arm 2 kg dbs - flys, L-flys and skier flys from all of the delts. Skier flys are bend over straight arms flys, like you're pushing back with ski sticks in a fullest range possible. Some more one arm rubber pulls (15 reps) and skier flys - a lot of fun. It's shaping up to be some sort of superset. Floor supported ring pulls, one arm - 3 sets of 5 reps each. Pretty hard, since I was mostly just trying to use my arm. Skier flys - 6 kg dbs for 15, 10+ and 15 ag...

 21.12.2023 Caffeine pills in the early morning allowed me to change to daytime, but now I'm having some really strong energy dips during the day and lowered energy in general. Let's hope we can shift away from using them. Workout Rubber lat pulls 2 sets of 15 light 2 sets of 15 folded Rubber high curls, one arm 3 sets of 15 - feels nice Squat 3 sets of 15 - feels more and more refreshing with every rep. Some calf raises in between sets - feels good Yesterday's deadlift was really nice. I'm a bit out of shape, so the muscle got lactic. Not so good. It didn't used to be the case for a long time. Diet has been subpar. Low appetite. Cooked up some porkchops, they feel way too fat right now. Really want something sugary, but it all ran out. Settled for a slice of lemon in my tea. 22.12.2023 Weird day. Nice overall. Woke up early again. Had semi-nasty scrambled eggs I made. Haven't had them in a while, so I ended up making them a little weird. The way I feel today is...

 20.12.2023 Nice day. Slept at night. Woke up early. A little weird. Felt sleepy, but couldn't sleep. Decent breakfast - some pork, eggs and tomatoes. Feels like there isn't enouch blood pressure, the best I can describe it. It'scoming back. Enjoyed one moka. It tasted good, didn't make me feel weird. Felt a little slow. Kinda empty in my head, but bot completely. I'm gonna do some nice DLs today. Let's see... Week 10, Session 2 - 85% for 3, 87,5% for 4 sets of 2. I'm thinking of keeping it a bit more on the chill side and doin 260 for 3 and working up from there with those 4 sets of 2. I'd love to play BG3 later tonight. It's been two days. *** Grooved, played guitar a little. The music is calling to me. I'm doing something that feels right, inch by inch, crawling somewhere. It feels weird to start my DLs white it's so bright outside. Hmm. Workout Deadlift 20 - 70 - 120 for 5 Head feels vulnerable to pressure. Muscle feels on the softer sid...

 19.12.2023 Genuinely nice day, above average. Not super nice, but good. I've been having something like fragmented sleep. I had somewhat jerky impuslive sleep, CNS agitated, woke up earlier than I should have, but I was feeling good. That was around 5 hours of sleep. Took a caffeine pill and went to this new work of mine. Things went smooth there, my performance in the moment was decent, brain functioning, planning wasn't perfect but it's not a big deal for the moment. I'm working on fixing the issues that are apparent to me. Went back home. Dehydrated. Feeling sleepy, but I can't sleep. Weird. CNS strained. On the verge of relapsing into some old habits - but I didn't. Thank God. My throat is pretty ruined by all the temperature changes and vocal strain. Not a big deal. I'm not severely ill, as far as I can tell. It's 7:34 PM. I'm starting to lose my sleepiness. Today we're having a light session. As usual - some BW squats, as gentle as possibl...

 18.12.2023 Okay day. Messy sleep, a lot of coughing, something about my nose and throat again. They feel very dry and stiff, but it's gotten better. Feverish dreams, appetite below average. I think I'm just gonna do some bench press today. It's possible that I've irritated my airways a bit more with the squats yesterday. I've resolved to actually reduce my coffee intake. Today I've settled on one conventional brew, almost perfect consistency. Lovely aftertaste. Workout Warmup - some, minimal Bench press 20 for 20 50 for 10 70 for 10 100 for 5 feels good, pecs a little frail 120 for 5 about the same 130 for 5 okay, maybe a little better 130 for 5 better 130 for 5 decent. Decided it was enough Before yesterday, on Saturday, I sure had a weird day. Friday was pretty awesome, as I recall now. I slept all Saturday - once again missing a potential workout, but I haven't been planning anything for certain, so it's not really an issue. And then, after Saturday,...

 17.12.2023 Very nice day, again. Ah, the circle we've come. I've been calling mediocre days nice days and now I have to call a nice day a very nice day. For the first time in a while I feel well rested and decently fed. Friday and yesterday got fused together as I fell asleep close to midday. I woke up around 10 PM and ate decently. I am consuming a lot of sugary products as well as enough proteins and healthy fats. Enjoyed the night - played BG3 a little, enjoyed watching youtube and such for once. It feels like for a long time I've barely been able to enjoy it. My body and my brain feel really refreshed. I slept only a little today, from around 6 to roughly 10, but it was very sweet sleep. Good memories for me. Nostalgic feelings in my brain. These feelings are like a taste of something you can't just find in a store. It's like a lightful savory feeling, spreading all around, pulsing and shining. I believe you've felt it too, but I can't convey exactly wh...

 15.12.2023 Very nice day. I'm actually feeling well. I ate a decent amount, about 80% of what I'd call "a lot" yesterday. I used to have a stronger appetite back when I was bulking heavily (2011-2014). My natural weight - without excessive fat - was only around 90 kgs back then. In 2019 I was 95 with almost abs. Now, I believe my natural weight is slightly over 100 kgs while my actual semi-properly-well-fed weight is 106-107. Anyway, all that decent gorging on pork and veggies and eggs and sugary stuff made me feel like a child again. That time I had hamburgers on Tuesday is incomparably weaker than this. This was a decent nutritional moment. Coffee worked well. I haven't made myself cranky with it so far. I had a bit of moka, ended up throwing out a lot of it without noticing. It was decent. The expensive coffee is much wetter and thus heavier, higher density, not fluffy powder. I have to keep scraping it from inside the grinder with the flat side of a butter kn...

 14.12.2023 Nice day. Didn't sleep at night, but I took a melatonin pill shortly after midnight, so I ended up spending a lot of time in a near-sleep state, somehow still not falling asleep. I think I might have slowed down digestion. I'd really love to go back to a proper fatty diet, with just pork and eggs and veggies. Right now my diet is chaotic garbage. Hmm. Had a caffeine pill, found an old lemon and made some lemon tea for myself. It was refreshing. Went to teach. It was snowy, a little harder to walk than usual. Gave lessons. Wasn't as prepared, but on Tuesday I noticed my preparations weren't that helpful in the end. It was decent today, performance-wise, possibly better than before - at least in some moments. I'd like to believe some kids are learning. Wildly varying discipline between classes and days. It's a curious pattern. The kids seem utterly invested when I start rambling about similarities between words, delving into etymology and origins. Well...

 13.12.2023 Nice day. My little ailment isn't completely gone. Slept way too much, nose and throat sore. Regardless, I am planning to do deadlift. I am considering moving it to tomorrow, however. It's supposed to be Week 10, Session 1 - 5 sets of 2, 85% . I am emotionally disturbed. My mother is disturbing me by beating my brother. Who, in turn, seems to have been behaving poorly at school. Hmm. Should I allow this to disrupt my workout? Well, at least I'm not suicidal today. Yes, I am using this exact word. Actually, I have not been suicidal since that day in early November. I might have been close to being suicidal. But I have not been close to "doing it". And I am not close to it today. Just perturbed. I have my doubts about deadlifting big weights today. I have not been recovering very well. And I have to wake up in 10 hours. Hmm. Curious idea. I've been working with high effort. Maybe is the time to reduce it. Save a bit of my CNS. Just do 240 for 5 sets...

 12.12.2023 Nice day. Didn't sleep at night, but I was way less anxious than last week. Went to teach. It was decent, energy-wise for me - cause I woke up relatively late on Monday. Only had one caffeine pill, not two. After school I went to the burger joint. I have not purchased this type of food in many months. Bought three large burgers, ate one there. Walked back, slowly, starting to freeze mentally. Took me a while to fall back asleep at home, especially after I ate the remaining two burgers. Stiff neck, sweating in my bed. Let's hope this little expendature pays off tomorrow, on DLs. Slept for a few hours. Had one conventional brew - 20 grams of Lavazza qualita oro and an eye measure of water. Decent taste. This brand of coffee from a moka pot has been rather overwhelming, taste-wise. I'd like to not have to repeat the last week, with the pathetic Thursday and Friday. I need to have my deadlifts early enough tomorrow. I will do it. Today we're having a super simpl...

 10.12.2023 Today it's better than yesterday. I have a feeling that it's coffee that migth be making me lose it. Squat - Week 2, Session 1. 77,5% for 5 sets of 5. Later - I made a decision to just go for another light workout. It's gonna help me redevelop some energy. It's low, especially CNS energy. Thank God, though, today is still so much better than yesterday. I might be ill with my coarsed-up throat, you know, and not realise it. Low energy is a good indicator. Wednesday and Thursday were high stress days, much higher than average. So, I'll chill. But I am doing something, still. Workout Some lower body warmup - a lot of various moves, enjoying it Squat - heels on plates 3 sets of 10 16 kg kettlebell squat - 3 sets of 10 My flexibility is very high, but it comes at the expense of my hip stability. I might be interested in some forceful range shortening. I feel guilty for abusing my body this week between Wednesday and Thursday. I would have had more energy and ...

 09.12.23 Okay day. My nutrition has been supbar. Sleep has been okay. Not much else to add. After my undershirt that I wear got washed it kept smelling like some weird chemical, constantly irritating. Maybe it's that time of the year when I get oversensitivity in my nose. Everything irritates me horribly. At lease deep inside I'm feeling happy. But it's not quite the case on the surface. Good news, though - last time I lost my teapot I did not freak out in utter madness. I stayed calm and managed to find it. Well, it's cause I vowed not to let it happen. Something's always irritating me. Gasses downstairs last time I worked out (yesterday). A whole week passed since my last OHP workout. That's not how it's supposed to be. Well, it used to be the norm as some point in the past. I just have to re-stabilize. My diet has been very bad. Low appetite, eating carb garbage. Rotten, moldy food too - on occasional accident. Muscles hurting (not sore - straight up pai...

 08.12.2023 Nice day. Yesterday wasn't as nice - it got fused with Wednesday as I could not sleep. I got enough rest and felt okay until the end. I was a little jumbled, but I functioned alright, even focused enough, still under influence of caffeine. At home, I indulged in carb-based snacks and fell asleep until late at night, thus breaking my actual every day training streak (even though some days were utterly light). Well, some sacrifices have to be made when you pursue new, satisfying opportunities. So, I enjoyed it still. Played some BG3 at night. My mind, my internal images and my nervous system have gotten reset after this 44 hour long day and I felt very blank inside of my head. Later, I slept a little during the day, gave a lesson, had two coffees and gave another lesson - it was all okay. Writing. I've been trying to balance out the volume between two separate arcs. It's exactly like The Sims and like playing two different households, lol. I have a few ideas about...

 06.12.2023 Nice day. Wednesday. Stayed up pretty late yesterday. Played BG3. Not too hungry - had a pair of eggs. I've been taking my time to master my skill with pan and oil. It's all about temperature control and knowing your product. You wanna heat up the pan and oil - it's not gonna squirt if the oil is fat enough (i.e. no water). You wanna cool it down a little for eggs and make sure there's a consistent layer between the egg and pan - then they don't stick. Obviously, you want a clean pan. It turned out okay, could have been better. A little overfried, bubbling - it kept it too hot. So, I had one moka. The taste was magnificent, but also a little chalky and watery in the aftertaste. Now I made a second one. The good coffee seems pretty dense - twenty grams don't fully fill up the chamber in the brewer. Let's have a first sip... Same taste. Intense, but a little watery, kinda like green bell pepper. Hmm. Today's the DL day. Week 9, Session 2 - 4 se...

 05.12.2023 Nice day. Slept very little, a tiny bit anxious, but I guess I'm lucky I got any sleep at all. I did some more conventional work today, for the first time since 2018. It was lovely. I had almost no mental problems. Sure, being in a crowd is not as easy, but I got into it a little better. If it shall be God's will, I might get a chance to improve my teaching skills. I lost a bit of my voice from a little too much strain, but it's almost settled now. And I burned a spot under my tongue cause I very awkwardly didn't swallow my second caffeine pill upon entering the final classroom. A bit of a comedy thing. Well, at least it allows for slow release of caffeine, as well as damaging your tissues (my throat as well, probably). Went back, slept a little. The house is strangely hot now. Covering my window with a blanket is actually a great idea, it really stops the heat from seeping out. My teeth hurt. Last February a dentist cleaned up some stuff there supposedly an...

 04.12.2023 Nice day. Could have been anxious, but I wasn't. That opportinity I talked about re-opened for me, but now it looks shady. Oh well. We'll just see where we're going. Since I found out I was not getting that job my sleep schedule reset back to more of a nighttime. Might be slightly uncomfortable. I'll pop a couple caffeine pills. Have some tea with me too. Today - just bench. Workout Warmup - mostly L-flys Bench press 20 and 40 70 for 10 100 for 10 - my pecs sure are stretched since yesterday 110 for 10 okay 110 for 10 a little better 110 for 10 okay, easy enough. 70 for 20 feels nice Once again, I am reminded of how much squat stretches pecs. It's not really an issue - you just have to bench more often. Perhaps instead of doing pushups I should do bench on one of my light days, as I have already established over last two weeks. I've really been enjoying pushups though. Some wall pushups and wrist stretches Pushups with a short plank hold 10 - 10 - 10...

 03.12.2023 Nice day. Slept a lot. Nice dreams. Normally, it'd be a relatively busy day, but all my work got moved to yesterday. Woke up and indulged myself in not eating. I have to eat, but I have no appetite. And the coffee hits pleasantly at that time. I was feeling all smudgy and tired yesterday. My brain and blood vessels weren't ready for all that pressure - somehow, I got untrained on two days of rest (Thu-Fri). But today I wanna squat. I don't think it contradicts my resolution I've had - I should be permitted to have coffee on garage days (heavy days). Finished the old Fresco coffee. Having the oldschool Lavazza Qualita Oro Perfect Symphony. Funny name, decent coffee. Seems better than the Fresco I had, and that one seemed better than the Julius Meinl I had before that. May wanna buy the blue package colombian whatever it was called, see if it feels better than this one. I think it might be the color, hehe. Week 1, Session 2. Squat, 75% for 5 sets of 5. Hmm. 1...

 02.12.2023 Lovely day. Great sleep, decent even. Chill, but not cold. Fresh air. Changed my sheets. Had nice dreams, but I don't remember. Woke up, worked, got new coffee delivered, had one moka, worked some more, had another one with some nutrients - processed fried meat and some carbs (chicken nuggets and some lasting peanut butter on toast). Curiously enough, I measured my weight afterwards, and even though I had somewhat of a really poor diet since Wednesday I'm 108 kgs in clothing. It's decent, but I was much heavier recently, unexpectedly heavy, in fact. Maybe that was a bit of a misapprehension. Been playing BG3 again. Before yesterday I replayed my end save. It was a lot of fun, seeing the new ending. Then I made two new attempts at a new game with the Durge as main character, a wild magic duergar sorcerer. It was too hard, and I realised that with Honor mode I'll be losing out on wayyy too much fun and satisfaction that this game brings. Honor mode is more fit...

 01.12.2023 Kind of a nice day. Nice sleep. No appetite - I suspect it's for mental reasons.Woke up, gave a lesson, slept some more, helped move some stuff, had a coffee, gave another lesson, now it's evening. Struggling with some of the old stuff in my head. It ain't going that great. Pointless. I guess it's just like I thought, I have to sort of rest on both these days. It's been a hassle. I need to fix my mind. Training every day is ultimately a great idea. But I think I'm going back to 4 times per week - most importantly, I gotta reduce coffee intake. Four times is still a lot, and enough. And on other three days I'm planning to have super-light workouts. Basically, it's all the same, but a tiny bit more discipline and more energy on actual training days, and better receptivity to coffee. Today I drank coffee. I shall not do so on Sunday. Tomorrow I'll have a conventional squat / ohp workout. It still might change, I admit. Rule of thumb - only t...