My training log and thoughts

 28.02.2026 Please keep praying for me. I'm burdened now, cause my issue isn't being solved after all, no matter how many times they tell me it's solved, done with, it's not happening, it's all weighing heavily on me, I'm pretty upset. Worse, I've been wasting my energy a lot yesterday, and even though I had decent appetite today I don't feel like I can do anything. Well, I know that's a false feeling, cause I will do something. Deadlift 20 for 20 70 for 12 I don't have enough of what it takes today. I'm in a nearly hysterical state, but also mentally fatigued. I keep taking those weird poses and grabbing my face. So, I settled on doing at least something. Maybe I'll bench tomorrow, and then DL on Monday. 70 - 3 sets of 12 - wide grip stiff legged deadlift, not setting it on the floor. Might have tweaked my hamstring a little on the first set, how silly. Only a little though. Might have been having too much coffee. I slept a good enough a...

 26.02.2026 Nice day. Slept a lot. I think I'm on my way to accidentally switching into night mode again! But today I woke up early. Well, not accidentally, more like cyclically. THORASIC SPINE, also known as UPPER BACK - it's IMPORTANT for PP. YOU CAN lean back when unracking the bar - and it HELPS A LOT. important cue! You can lean back for the same reason you can lean forward - when you lean forward your upper back is stiffer, better energy transwer but if you lean forward too much it'll tranfer in the wrong direction. AND you can lean back for that same reason - even though some energy might escape into your back's "springiness", your grip on the bar will be much better! ALSO you can unrack 'leaned back', get a good grip on the bar, and then lean forward, obtaining perfectly optimized stretch between all limbs and tissues. Workout Warmup - a while, decently thorough Overhead press 20 - 50 - 70 - 70 90 - 2 sets of 5 feeling good 90 for 2 feeling str...

 25.02.2026 Today is a rest day. In contrast to many previous rest days I'm not wholly asleep. No, I feel nice and sort of strangely excited. I have been reigning in my ideas of what I might do today. Some reflection on my writing, minor edits. I received my first ever ever critique in a certain subreddit. It made me happy! Thank God. There shall be more, there shall be some polishing. A little distracted in a certain way. Hoping I'm not too distracted. But yeah, I think I'm gonna do some lats and bicep and a tiny bit of legs / accessory gymnastic stuff - and I'll make sure I don't empty my "fuel" even halfway. Why? Because it's the rest day, darn it. Something absolutely, completely light. I feel like a surgeon during surgery on a grape when I tone down my energy expression. That's kinda silly. My problem is that I'm a stimulus addict. So I have to rein it in. And I will do something fun and beneficial to me. Yesterday was a great, lovely day ...

 24.02.2026 Man, yesterday was quite the day. I had a lot of fun. Fell exhausted and woke up very early from complete stomach emptiness. Ate with appetite for the first time in a while. So, it's noon, I've had one cup of thick instant coffee and 35/450 conventional (overpoured accidentally but it's okay). I'm doing Bench. I wanna keep it all my mind, my focus and my failures, what's I'm putting effort on and how much and what I'm saving energy for and how much. The tissues I need to stay limber and muscle I can allow to grow harder. I'm gonna be doing 3 sets of 6 and then 3 sets of 4. Should be very good. Focus on perfecting my ability to lift powerfully. And then I'd like to dedicate some attention to overhead conditioning - so my OHP/PP workout after tomorrow is more likely to be successful. I've been having a great time with intuitive training. Workout Warmup - variations of wall pushups 4 sets of 50, a set of floor pushups - they feel surpris...

 23.02.2026 Alright. It's another daytime workout. Let's compare it to Saturday. I was kinda torn whether or not I should allow myself to wake up. But I could not sleep anymore. The book flows. I'm writing. The whole "RW3" project was to give Zita more of a character. She is about as important as Marco but in different ways. The book doesn't have her name in it though. Also, I've been suffering from the idea that I am a drivel generator and my book is some poorly concealed slop. Today, after perusing Critique Circle for a while I feel better. I have a suspicion that about 99% of stuff there is ai-assisted if not fully ai written. Way too many indians. I used to like indians before I started noticing their violence towards the internet. Zita was an indian girl in the first variant of the book. Originally, however, she was a just a freak side character, a white dwarf girl. Isn't that funny how much the book changed? It changed radically. It was sort of a...

 21.02.2026 Yesterday was a true "recovery day". Could not do pretty much anything. But I did manage to give a lesson! My body is trying with extreme desperation to claw that rest time away from me, hehe. Had a nice breakfast today very early. I woke up in the actual morning, see. Showering really helps me to relax and not feel like a wreck. Eating does too. Curious! So, I had one 35/400 conventional - roughly 1 to 11 and a half, somehow I wanted a thicker one. Listening to music. Somehow all the right tracks come up on shuffle. I am hopeful my longstanding "issue" will be resolved. I'm like, I can barely give a shit at this point. I'm consciously upset and I don't expect it to be resolved without really digging in and calling upon the prosecutor but that's just my consciousness. My emotions tell me to stay hopeful, heh. *** Delts and pecs are pretty sore from the last workout. We'll see. PP kinda on my mind rn. *** Taking a while! Coffee taking ...

 19.02.2025 Not too fatigued from yesterday. Ate well, slept okay. A lot of small injuries all over. Need to somehow cool it all down. But I have Bench today. Workout Warmup - pretty long and decently thorough, some actual pushups - nothing hurts Bench press 20 - 50 - 70 100 for 10 120 for 5 130 for 5 140 for 5 150 for 5 having doubts 160 for 3 and then 2 - kinda lame. I've been doing this stuff too much, trying to get a nice 5-rep set with a heavy weight. No, you only get a set like this once you've done enough volume. Important tidbit - my technique changed midway through this set. I was again doing a "elbows down, low on chest" kind of bench. I think it excludes my upper pecs. The two reps I did after a pause - I did them with "elbows out" and just slightly above nipples. Interesting. You're supposed to lower them on/slightly above nipples and try to get your elbows perpendicular to gravity (which tighters rotator cuffs very much). That's the tech...

 18.02.2026 Writing. Slept unevenly but very satisfied. Ate well! Mind calmed. Coffee - one conventional 35/420, one small instant coffee "topper" with 2 small teaspoons. Not cramping yet. Mind just a little off, a little defocused - until I started writing. When your mind is "defocused" like that from caffeine it kinda feels like walking on top of a lubed up pipe. Hard to go anywhere. Heh. "Lubed up pipe". Did not intend that. Workout Deadlift 20 for 20 70 for 12 120 for 8 160 for 6 190 for 2 OHG 210 for 4 - but only one OHG rep was close to good. I did two mediocre pulls above knee, then one almost okay full rep - it would have been a PR if I managed to fix it on top but I think I'll choose not to count it - then one more rep (after my player died) - also just above knee, but maybe better than the first two. 230 for 1 mixed grip 250 for 1 reverse mixed grip - some pain 260 for 1 normal alternate grip 270 for 1 actually really happy with my gripping h...

 15.02.2026 Nice day. Slept well during the day. Ate really poorly; I basically had nothing except a decent meat breakfast yesterday, some snacks. My stomach was empty like a balloon even before I fell asleep. Then after I woke up I pondered how I still have little appetite; one hypothesis is that it's linked to my habit of not eating before the workout. Still, I nibbled on some meat and pasta and even some vegetables (carrot and tomato). Some time later I had a 36/432 conventional coffee which made me feel a little messy in my head. Speaking of messy - I wanna document my FO4 playthrough. I finally accomplished the two tasks I wished to spitefully do before installing Sim Settlements 2 again, and that is clearing Vault 75 (done a while ago) and finally Gunners' Plaza (Galaxy News Radio building). In the base game it's nothing but a very hard multi-level "dungeon" with some lore drops on Gunners faction. In SS2 it plays a bigger role in a very poorly implemented g...

 13.02.2026 Feel nice right now. Slept subpar, CNS really tense, had a micro-nightmare specifically about my pecs and my connective tissues after watching that friggin second brother injury on the buff dudes youtube channel. I don't watch them but that video came into my feed and I wondered about my own 2019 injury and I might have been harboring some fear about my pecs and connective tissues having grown back wrong somehow. I had a really strained, heavily wound CNS and was even jumpy and reactive, I took two pain pills to deal with this back tweak, woke up earlier than I should have, did some stuff outside, finally took a shower again, slept for a little longer as my blood kept pulsing really loud all over my body. Now I feel somewhat okay. My family has been a little too reliant on the groceries that I purchase so I ran out and I ordered some more today. Thinking about buying some of that precursor amino acids to nitric oxide, cause I feel like I need it somehow. I'm not rea...

 11.02.2025 Nice day. Kinda stunned, fatigued. Running out of meat! Plenty of other people have been eating my meat. Not a problem. I'm not running out of expensive groceries such as coffee. I've been wondering after yesterday how little coffee I probably actually need to stimulate myself. Cause I do have this constant problem of overstimulation and subsequent dehydration. Today is a rest day. And tomorrow's DL. Big, heavy deadlift. Possibly not the most heavy though. I think I'll do doubles. All the same vein, controlling my energy and power production. But it's gonna be heavy. Played FO4 a little too long yesterday. I felt like I was done with it for the day, very satisfying - managed to take over Outpost Zimonja without any deaths, cause usually you get spooked by the local boss 😁 In fact, it's possible I haven't had any deaths at all yesterday. Building settlements and all that. I might have spoken about it before but I wanna play Sim Settlements 2 and ...

 10.02.2026 I've been working on using my face more. Gotta keep that frown on - I'm pretty sure I've developed sort of a resting bitch face over the years, become inexpressive and then I'm surprised when my words don't land. My face is hurting from unconscious flexing now, very funny. That hip/squat static holds and stretching on Sunday really helped. I felt really limber, all the after effects of last week's dreadful dehydration finally relieved. Today it's not quite present but still very good. Critique circle is full of AI text. So sad! There are some semi-interesting authors though. I should really rip into one of them with the kind of critique I want to see from SOMEONE, anyone at all. But I have not posted anything there. Pearls before... well, not swine, but strangers. I know I am very sensitive about my own texts. I definitely am making ergodic writing. I don't want people to have an easy enough time when reading my stuff. You can, but that'l...

 08.02.2026 I gotta tell you, this blog - it's kind of an underrated thing for keeping up my discipline. I bought some new instant coffee - Eilles Kaffee Gourmet, made a big oldschool military-style cup I used to make - pretty nice. Then a 31/372 conventional Jardin cafe eclair. Some pretty random IRL stuff happening. God is protecting me from doing extremely bad things - but seems He has a role for me to play. Brain was a little jittery at first, second batch feels somewhat smooth, tastes really good. I've been unable to play FO4 for a while, since for a few days I was hoping I could work out and didn't, and yesterday I also fell asleep from exhaustion. It's been over a week since I've done a heavy-ish bench. Today I wanna do sets of six - step two in the microcycle. I'm thinking somewhere between heavy and medium-heavy for this range. Around 140. I'm in a good shape, but not perfect for Bench. Haven't I done 4 sets of 10 with 140? Don't remember. W...

 07.02.2026 Death metal has been playing in my head for a couple days now. For two days in a row (5th and 6th) I'd start having coffee but then get knocked out a while later. Today it shan't be the case. Also I've been really behind on my writing. That whole Tuesday debacle was a real hit on my metabolism. I got triples to do today. It's only been a week, only a two extra days. I've been kinda losing my shit, emotions burning up calories, but I think I should be able to power through today. Workout Deadlift 20 - 70 - 120 - 160 203 for 3 - OHG, not bad. There was also one failed rep at first due to misaligned grip. Trying super hard to resummon my writing ability. It's close... 233 for 3 - normal alternate, switch hands, then normal again. Tolerable, not *extremely* messy 263 for 3 - first rep mixed grip and that was a mess, the bar really rolled onto my fingertips, really squished skin but I lifted it. Second rep okay, third rep better, faster. Kind of a casual ...

 04.02.2026 I've been praying to God to make me go and deal with some of the stuff I have to deal with. Monday I was sure I wasn't gonna go anywhere, but my prayers worked and God helped and sent me off. Good news - I made my expensive trekking boots comfortable, finally, cause I got the width of a tall man but not the height of one, so that's why my big old most expensive boots I ever wore were chafing my ankle bones. I finally added a second insole in the them and now they're perfectly comfy. I had the worst ever quad cramps. I must have looked like a cripple. It was inner quads at first, then outer quads, then inner on the left and outer on the right as well as my outer right glute. I walked through the snow, I walked quickly and carefully not to slip or roll my ankle again, and I walked against my constantly seized quads and I arrived home and I couldn't even fall asleep easily. Didn't wanna shower somehow, even though I should have. I should simply buy some...

 02.02.2026 Got reset into nighttime living yesterday lol. Couldn't stay awake very easily after my Saturday bender! Kinda lame. Ate decently, slept okay. What doesn't help is physical activity at the wrong time, it keeps me super awake. Speaking of, it's technically the 3rd and I'm doing my overhead workout. Wrote a little. Feeling kinda inspired, but not very stimulated. There is some digging to be done. Workout Warmup - decently long Overhead press 20 - 50 70 - 2 sets of 5 80 - 2 sets of 5 In my OHPs I was focusing on activating my rotator cuff on my right arm more, so there's some spring tension in press but also so that my arms are evenly angled. Apparently I had a rotator cuff disparity for years now, it's not recent. Front quarter squat, full grip - because it's strictly for push press 80 - 4 sets of 10 Very glad about my improved mobility (and flexibility, cause I have to pull my arms into right position rather than just have it be right, see). It...