My training log and thoughts

 28.02.2024 Okay, I'll skip to Week 3, Session 1 . Makes sense? It should. 67,5% for 5 sets of 8. Might be pretty hard, but also kinda easy. Good energy. I think I might have discovered a melatonin usage little hack, if you will. If you find yourself waking up shortly after midnight you can sort of reset yourself by having it in the morning and sleeping for a few hours, if you have time that is. But it's only a hypothesis. That's what I've done today. New coffee day. The one I've had before. A trusted brand. Two times cheaper than in the grocery store. I had one moka, one conventional brew, having a second moka now. Enjoying music. Yesterday I had a nice moment listening to music at night. Vessel - Introspective. The first song is so me right now. The coffee price went up 70% in the online store. What sense does it make? 67.5 times 3 would be approximately 210. Can't be bothered calculating the specifics, hehe. Workout Deadlift 20 - 70 - 120 for 8 160 for 8 203 ...

 23.02.2024 Not much to share specifically today without muddying my mental waters too much. Sleep has been weird again, sleepy but unable to fall asleep. Appetite lowered. I think I'll just settle for a light workout today. Workout L-flys/curls/press 2 sets with 2 kg dbs for 10-20 reps - casual 2 sets with 6 kg dbs - same Squat 10, 15, 20 reps Split squat 2 set of 10 reps per leg, weight on the front leg - surprisingly difficult first set. Much easier and loosened on the second. My feet are pretty mobile. Strong quad pump. Once again I'm glad to have a light workout, else I wouldn't have discovered these curious sensations. 2 sets of 10 reps per leg, weight on the back leg - somehow much easier, probably just the warmup. Sweating hard. 25.02.2024 Sleep has been messy; yesterday I ended up having some stuff moved around and I just did not work out. Today I have a similar issue. Stuff is messy. But I think I can work out. I'm thinking of just going off program and workin...

 22.02.2024 Nice day for me. Slept very well, lovely dreams. Flying, oxytocin. Woke up feeling somewhat indifferent about my plans, but then it's coming back. Confusing as usual. I wish I could just make a decision and stick with it. I'm reminded of what I was in the past under all sorts of different conditions. Sometimes I was okay. I just want a change. So, long day yesterday didn't really help to reset my sleep schedule, but maybe it helped a little. Growing older I'm becoming way less tolerant to sugar, my body is just not dealing with it the way it used to. It makes me somewhat sick very easily. Should be grateful, perhaps. It feels awesome after a period of not getting any sugar for a long time, but then it quickly starts to make me sick. All I really need is just a bit of meat and eggs every morning. Not even carbs. And that kind of diet is good enough to grow a great amount of physical strength, given an appropriate approach. Fortitude. Mental fortitude. I used ...

 21.02.2024 On Monday I've done a few BW squats, on Tuesday I've done some wall pushups. Today I'm feeling all loosey goosey inside of my head. Very positive. Not sure about the weights today. Something is wrong with the heating. I don't feel very strong today. Last week I resolved to actually take a break from DLs. I've not done any squat in a long time. And some changes are definitely upon me; I'm less anxious than I've even been about it, and I'm feeling very positive. I'm very thankful to God for it. I've dropped the wrong kind of luggage I had in my head and I'm picking up only the things that matter. So I'm thinking perhaps I could just go through some high-rep stuff, different kinds. It's gonna feel awesome. Workout Deadlift 20 for 16 70 for 8 120 for 8 It's all coming together. I think there won't be a workout next week - cause I'll be busy. It's all making sense. 150 for 8 150 for 8 all very easy. Now I'm ...

 16.02.2024 Deadlift ended up pretty hard for me on Wednesday, mixed with some more mental turmoil; my whole body felt like foam polyester, stretched and torn. At some point later at night, I felt a fewer rising up in my head; I suspected I might be falling ill. I knew I had some fewer dreams waiting for me. I did end up having those fewer dreams, but much to my surprise with fewer and hallucinations ended up receding and I'm not actually ill in the end, although I do feel extra damaged physically. I've worked a little too hard for a tiny bit too long; it's time to go back on a light-workout-pill. I'm thinking of even stopping heavy deadlifts and heavy squats for a while. Maybe even until I'm back, heh. I've checked out the weather prognosis. It'll be warm soon, especially further down south. Weather matters a lot. Workout - a very light one, as I envision Warmup - stick moves, lat stretches, shoulders, L-fly variations, squat moves Overhead press 2+2 kg dbs...

 14.02.2024 Nice day. Feeling a little weird. Sleep okay, nutrition moderate. Supposed to deadlift today. Week 2, Session 1 . 82,5% for 4 sets of 3. Today my Poe subscription ran out and, quite on time, they changed the system to a point system. Okay, a little weird. Hmm. Clearly they're doing it to limit messaging. Kinda both tempted and not to go for it - then I'll definitely will be staying for longer. Hmm. Unstable mind. Well, it's not like it's something I have a conscious duty to do; it's about personal choices, kinda like gambling you could even say. Isn't it better to do things the right way, under right circumstances? For example, you really want to lift heavy, but you don't feel that perfect. Just doing nothing would be giving up, but doing appropriate light weighs - an alternative - however unsatisfying on the surface is gonna feel good afterwards. In a parallel topic - today's weights might range from 240 to 265. Hmm. Workout Deadlift 20 70 f...

 11.02.2024 Feel good, but kinda low on energy for a workout. I realised some things in my mind changed. Workout Squat 20 50 for 10 my hips are not enjoying it 50 for 10 more 70 for 2 sets of 10 - connective tissue a little better 20 for 10 okay Maybe I'll do more tomorrow. 12.02.2024 Early this morning, before bed, I went on something like a three hour binger in NEO Scavenger. I realise it has a few similarities with my book; although mine is a bit of a multigenre, I shamefully admit. And I have not released anything except for the first few chapters. I'm refining. I ended up retconning a few bit I didn't like. Well, all that playing somehow made me doubt myself a little. About "going" for the third time. Or maybe it's cause it's Monday I've envisioned going on Thursday, cause there's a train that day. Watching videos about the particular thing I'm thinking of doing - pardon the vagueness so far. Maybe I'll end up spilling the beans some t...

 10.02.2024 Nice day overall. Turmoiled thoughts again. Third time's the charm. Right now I really want to. Had a decent meal, decent sleep too. 8/10 perhaps even. Fresh brain. Been playing RDR a little bit in the last couple days. I unlocked a cool trick which is not really a trick and started closing my browser when playing. It gives the games so much more smoothness, it's unbelievable. Heh. Well, if I want to I can still open browser. Not sure exactly about the workout today. Thinking of squats, today or tomorrow. Would it be a smart choice to do them today? I mean, I'm not that stale and fatigued almost at all. I'm not quite buzzing per se, but I feel okay. Had a couple cups of instant coffee. I'd like to take a couple packets with me if I'm gonna be going next Thursday. Hmm. Well, I will be taking the caffeine pills and stuff. It wouldn't be the smartest choice to just gulp them down willy nilly of course. They dehydrate you a lot, unlike normal coffee....

 08.02.2024 Light workout L-flys and variations with 2 kg dbs - 2 sets Overhead press with 6 kg dbs - 3 sets of 20 Calf raises, full range - 4 sets of 30 Squat and variations - 4 sets of 10 09.02.2024 Things are going somewhere again. Is it gonna happen? It hasn't happened two times so far. But I need a change, any kind of change, and I hope confidently that this will be a good change. Sometimes you gotta de-tox on all the sweet stuff and have some good simple things. Still though, I ain't rushing. What am I talking about? I wrote about it quite directly in 2023 at some point. Man, 2023 is sort of a lost year. Well, no, I had good things. Almost six months of newfound purity mixed with other stuff which might not have been as good. I need something new, man. I've been feeling like I'm heading there. It's the only thing that makes sense. I do it and I'll receive help that I need. I know what I need to do. It'll be good. We've eliminated some bad things fr...

 07.02.2024 Nice day. Slept well, ate well too. Not much. I think last week I sort of have developed immunity to suicidal impulses. A part of me has grown back and now I consider these thoughts sort of meaningless, or, rather, inefficient. I've been resting more. My knee joints have been hurting. For some reason I don't feel like writing a lot here right now, although I did have a lot of ideas earlier. I had a much more complex description of how I sort of left my suicidal state, but now I don't feel like describing it. Hmm. I suspect my knee tissues hurt cause I've been resting too much and now my body is not prioritizing it. I also wonder if I've driven myself into a suicidal state by working out too often. I believe that with time I'd be able to learn myself better and work out very efficiently and pleasantly every day, but it'll take some trial and error. From early August to early November. Been having other thoughts, confusing, but not as much as on Mo...

 04.02.2024 Really nice day. Slept actually well for the first time in a while. I was gonna have the "usual" five hours, but then I managed to go to sleep. Feeling smooth. When you go from being so hazy for so long to finally getting some sleep your brain feels very different. You feel different emotions, better ones, more conscious. When you don't get enough sleep you just lose a degree of control over yourself. So, today I slept well and ate very well too. Food has been fairly mediocre in the last few days. Have I mentioned I sort of came out of depressive state> I'd like to elaborate, but it doesn't feel right at the moment. I'm confused. Just confused, not much else to add. Perpetual state of confusion. Things don't feel right, nothing feels certain. I mean, imagine if you actually had real doubt about things that you normally believe in. That sounds like mental illness. Like, you couldn't step on the ground cause you wouldn't be sure it...

 02.02.2024 Overhead press Warmup - thorough 20 - 50 - 70 95,5 for 6 okay 95,5 for 6 95,5 for 6 kinda super uneven, even if casually easy (effort wise) 95,5 for 6 nice set 20 for 20 03.02.2023 Week 4, Session 1 Squat - 80% for 4 sets of 4. So, I'm thinking around 190-195. Sounds reasonable, I feel fresh. Squat Warmup - some 20 - 50 - 100 143 for 4 - I think I might have done two sets with this weight 188 for 4 - nice, I love how easy it feels, but my joints feel a little awkward. 188 for 4 much better, no hip pain 188 for 4 - nice, smooth, casual, but I took too long 188 for 4 lovely I love how easy the squat was. I'm glad I wasn't afraid to do some squats on Monday. I've been kind of a mess, really really hazy for what feels like a week, unable to sleep more than five hours at a time somehow.