My training log and thoughts

 31.05.2023 Nice day. Slept not too much, but felt okay, woke up easily. Even had breakfast, cause I had less that I should have yesterday. Today is the meat of the deadlift. Week 7, Session 2 - 72,5% for 5, when 80% - 5 sets of 4. So, just like last week, we'll do 217 for 5, then move to 230-250 as 80%. I feel petty fresh today. Now it's 6:32 PM, and I'll go and make my first coffee. I had two coffees and did another C# task in VSCode. I'm kinda too slow, but only cause I'm behind. Hmm. Still have quite some catching up to do. But I'm almost done with this lesson... In case you were curious, I put the code in the bottom of the post. The frequency counter. The task was to sort a matrix (2d array) and count how many times each element is encountered in it. I didn't bother figuring it out, so I just looked it up. But before that, I really tried to come up with a matrix flattener on my own (convert it into a one dimensional array), but ended up looking it up r...

 29.05.2023 Nice day. Not too much sleep. But feels okay. Nutrition - not sure, I ate a lot, but I've noticed it's been many days since I've had my conventional pork and eggs breakfast (which has been the main meal of the day for years now). Today we squat. I really promised myself to make it "one and a half steps lighter". So we'll take 200 as the max. I wanna have a good wednesday, man. (Today's monday). Week 8, Session 1. 4 sets of 3 with 82,5%... Man, I wanna squat heavy. Just hypothetically... What could be the big weight? 198? Cool, cool... I've been feeling good. Been feeling like I wanna go there again. I'm pulled. I've failed too many times, that's just bs, you know? Two times. I gotta go there, I feel like. Yeah. I've wanted to DL 250 kilos in my first year of lifting, but I only got it in 2014? Damn. Noobie gains. Then my life got really disrupted. Well, my lifting got disrupted. And very likely it'll get disrupted if I ...

 27.05.2023 Nice day. Sleep - 7/10, nutrition - no idea, 55-60 out of a 100. I look buff enough, so maybe I eat enough. One evening I noticed soemthing looking like abs, hehe. My obliques got way stronger over the last couple years, since I've understood how you're supposed to use the belt. You're the one who's supposed to tighten the belt, not the other way around! I feel like I've been eating, but inconsistent, and some nutrients and elements might be missing. Also I feel like I might too obsessed with nutrition and it doesn't matter as much as I feel. I had a hard week last week and a difficult week so far. Today, however, I am much more refreshed. I rested well yesterday. Today it's pushpress - Week 9, Session 1 . 75% for 4 sets of 6. So, minimum today would be 105, and maximum would be around 118. if I can. I'd love to go harder. And I'm also supposed to do a "clean single" with 87,5%. I've really been neglecting those. And I'v...

 25.05.2023 Nice day. Food - I dunno, honestly, about 7/10? Ate decently. Yesterday I didn't eat well, but I was happy with the variety. Sleep? No idea either, ngl, about 7/10 as well? Woke up, waited, gave a lesson, now i'm having my third moka. We squat.  Week 7, Session 2. 5 sets of 4 with 80%. So, I think we can go from 175 to 195? Sounds reasonable... Maybe. We'll see. Today is not as hot and humid as yesterday, and I might have gotten fed well. Workout Little warmup Squat 20 70 and 120 for 5 150 for 5 175 for 4 alright. Only lost my upper back on the last rep. The first three were very smooth. 175 for 4 way better, but I was very uneven. I'm trying to keep my ribs down, and that eliminates the uncomfortable upper movement - when you want or have to push your knees forward, that's awkward, and when you keep your ribs down it's not awkward. But I unracked it in a very unstable manner, and picnked my finger when racking it. Not very nice, but okay. That's...

 24.05.2023 Nice day. Sleep - at least 8/10, nutrition - 77/100, although it's been a while since I ate. Kind of a messy day yesterday, so I woke up a little too late today. Bought a different coffee, now I'm enjoying it. It's different, medium roast, not as crunchy, and it tastes thicker. Jardin Colombia Supremo, and the color on the package looks awesome. Wouldn't have bought it if it wasn't for the cool blue color. I might have even posted this before, but just to remind you. (I bought a 1 kg pack though). Today, we have deadlift. Week 7, Session 1 . Heavy weights! Actually, not that heavy, hehe. But there's no way it's still week 7, I thought... And I think I did screw up a little. I should have been more thorough, but it happened again - I've been repeating some microcycles nonstop. It seems to work out well for me, however. I think I'm in love with confusing myself. A fallacy, but a psychological one - "always assume you're wrong"...

 22.05.2023 Nice day. Calm. Sleep - 7/10, food - nutrition 55/100. Enough nutrients, not enough variety, it feels like. Been binging on Sims 3. Brain feels a tiny bit depleted. It was quite a debauchery week last week. Heavy workouts on monday, wednesday and thursday. And week before that - roughly the same. Now I'm enjoying my first coffee. I outlined my PP in the last post. Upper body has been somewhat stiff, some lactic acid. Once again, have to do pullups more often. I'm actually quite please to realise they're much easier than I think of them. After all, I'm not even 115 kgs (I'm around 108 right now). I better be in really good shape when I'm 115... I reckon it might happen this summer. I love looking out of my window. Open world. It's a small thunderstorm out there now. Inspiring. Yesterday I player guitar so much. Mostly improvising, but coming up with a lot of structured stuff. Skin came off my left index finger - that means I played a lot. Ernie Ba...

 20.05.2023 Nice day. Very nice, actually. It's been three years since I've become a stander. And started working out 4 days a week. Also I developed and exctensively used the anabolic positivity doctrine. It's a psychological thing (that I think I really needed back then). And also I started doing physical culture to fix my right leg better (doing hamstring curls and such). Nowadays I think my right leg isn't crippled, just a little deviated in it's normal form ever since I spent a long time in a leg brace. But I can squat, deadlift , walk run and jump and that means it's not a problem. The thing that I can not do very well is curl my leg. So, if I were to do karate stuff I guess I'd mostly end up kicking with the left? Well, when it comes to kicks, you don't have to do them very slowly, right? Oh well, no matter. Maybe I'll do some right leg curls today. One thing I figured out is that when you think you have a small weakness somewhere a very viabl...

 18.05.2023 Another day. Lovely, quiet. Sleep - very good, at least 75/100, I even woke up earlier than exepcted. Food - nice enough, also around 7/10. Mostly finishing pasta. We have a variety of cereals and porridges, I oughta eat that more. I like pasta with sauce from the can. Should make my own sauce too. Not too hard. Sprinkle some MSG in it, hehe. It's the same as salt, let's be real. Was - and still am - quite dehydrated. Muscles not tired. Pecs keep asking me to work on them at least a little. I might, today. CNS is a little fatigued. Hard lifts yesterday. My writing style could be better. You're getting some very raw thoughts of mine. I get what I mean, you do too, no need to involve additional grammar. Hehe. I'm so annoying to read sometimes. I've been rereading February-March and I realised things are way better now. I feel way better and calmer, and I am way stronger and free of all the noticeable illnesses and pains. Thank God again and always and fore...

 17.05.2023 Nice day. Sleep - 8/10, and yesterday was even better in that regard. Food 6/10 or more, decent, I think I have all the nutrients I need. Having coffee. Playing with text generators. Revealing unconscious truths to myself. My early childhood was somewhat traumatising. Not very much, but, you know, a little bit. I was tense back then, and I am still tense now, so afraid to tell people what I want. Or maybe it's an incorrect guess, rather than a sound hypothesis. It's possible too, Human mind is one obscure matter. Human body is even more so - discovering more knowledge about it raises an exponential amount of questions. *** Week 6, Session 2 - feels like I oughta be further by now, but it's no biggie, it's a very dynamic program, you can sort of start and repeat any parts of it whenever. due to mobile max idea. It's like RPE, as I've mentioned before, but possibly more sensible as we set specific boundaries on what we consider or minimum max and how i...

 15.05.2023 Week 6, Session 2 - Squats - 85% for 5 sets of 2, working up to them, and then a "clean single" (optional) with 80%. Minimax 200, supermax 230. Or more? No, not yet. Still to shaky, considering it's high bar squat. Day? Not too nice. It's nice now. Started with an unpleasant shock. Unimportant. Feeling drowsy, but I had a moderately sized fat and proteins type of breakfast, gave a lesson, felt a bit drowsy, had a massive №2 (says something about my digestive processes at the moment? It's important, I believe), now I'm having the new coffee. New coffee day. Tastes like robusta. Much more dry crackly beans. Much easier to overstuff the grounds chamber with it, as I did the first time. It's supposed to be arabica! What is this brand? It's something new and cheap. It's okay. It's doing what it's supposed to, or so I convince myself. Maybe it's better if the taste is bad. So, we'll be squatting from 170 to the round 200. Sho...

 13.05.2023 Nice day. Actually better than average. Sleep - 7/10, albeit fragmented but actually longer than average. Food - 65/100 or more, definitely enough nutrients. Little adventures outside of home today. I think I can write about them and ponder. Maybe I won't, however. Yesterday I got little sleep, so I fell asleep early almost involuntarity, contemplating staying up. Woke up on time, gave a lesson. Before I had to wake up I had some really strong vivid dreams. Had a lovely breakfast, went back to bed, woke up and had a coffee, then this adventure happened, I drank my second moka on the way, and now, at 9:25 PM, I'm having my third coffee. Curious thing about RPE. Due to it being "perceived" it always wither 6, 7 or 8 with me. 6 - easy, 7 - average hard, 8 - struggled. 9 or 5 feels unimportant or unrealistic. When i max out it's almost always RPE 8, cause when I max out I usually feel good and can do a quick well-accelerated rep. This RPE doesn't belon...

 11.05.2023 Nice day. Sleep - 7/10, food - 65/100 or more. Accidentally, our sessions collided again, and today I'm supposed to do the same as I did yesterday, but in squat. It's already pretty late. So, we'll keep it simpler. Squat is important, but it's not a priority. Week 6, Session 1 . 82,5 for 4 sets of 3. So, we can take 165 as a minimum, and 190 as a maximum. Reasonable? I think so. 160 - 170 - 180 - 190. Should be lovely. Finishing my second moka. Well, at least I'm having less than I did yesterday, and in a much shorter period of time. And I definitely feel much calmer. Almost 11 PM. Nothing to worry about. Workout Some small warmup - calf raises, bw squats Squat 20 70 and 120 for 5 160 for 3 170 for 3 180 for 3 all done with rather quick breaks 190 for 3 - I did it like 190 for 2 then one more a break, cause I felt unstable. I got pretty high racks, so I banged the bar on it while unracking, and I decided to reset it. I didn't plan to make it into you...

 10.05.2023 Nice day. Food 65/100, sleep 5/10. A bit more despaired in my mind. Old pain has come back to torment me, make me waste my energy, relive itself again and again. Abandonment, abuse, betrayal. Oh well. I wish I could just delete or not play RDR2. I guess I'm fixaed on this game. Perhaps I could delete it and take a break so I can revitalize myself. A game like that is meant to be played at a different time in life. Done. I may continue playing it later in the future. Or maybe even not at all. The online part of this game really lacks complexity for me. And it's got a very annoying boring gameplay loop. 7 PM. I feel better. Had two coffees, Just can't get around to doing what I need quickly enough. I have deadlift today. What are we lifting? Music didn't use to bother me. Now I'm bothered by the fact that I'm not doing enough. I've created stardarts for myself. How curious. Week 6, Session 1 - 62,5% for 5, 72,5 for 5, 82,5 for 4 sets of 3. Minimax ...

 08.05.2023 Nice day. Sleep - a little weird, but nice, at least 6/10. I managed to sleep earlier today, so I woke up earlier. Food - also nice, at least 65/100. Having coffee. Feels nice. Overall feels pretty great. Some dark things about the water. But not too bad. Got a lesson cancelled, but not a big deal. That's why I've decided to try and get a more conventional job that happens to align with my interests. One of those things I can partake in without being distracted. Done some stuff. Chopped in half that tree outside that fell a long time ago. It's still alive, but bent. Got grapevines on it. First I sawed off some branches, chopped it half of the way with a small axe, but picked a heavier one and it was much easier. Took me some effort. Some internal things happening in my mind. Can't share all of them. Felt something unusual. A very unusual experience. Now I'm having my second coffee. It's 19:38. This chopping and dragging the tree felt like a mini work...

 06.05.2023 Very nice day. Sleep - 8/10, food - I think it's close to 8/10 as well. A lot of variety. Also, I've been feeling succesful about my work as a tutor, because I've battling hard overcoming the impostor syndrome. What if I don't do enough? High standarts. Still, though, I wish to have a more stable job at some point. They promise this year it might happen. Last time I was learning C# I got stuck on a geometry task. I wouldn't choose to start writing the code until I understood the premise. And the premise isn't that simple. It's been over 15 years since I went to school. Hmm. Once again it's pretty late. I'm finishing my second coffee. I expect the workout to be nice today. So, it's Week 5, Session 2 - 72,5% for 5 and 80% - 5 sets of 4. Our minimax is 200, so it's easy to calculate. 145 for 5 and 160 for 5 sets of 4. Kind of very different from out DL, isn't it? Hehe. I've been working this program for quite a while, and it...

 04.05.2023 Nice day. Sleep 7/10, nutrition 6/10. Woke up, worked. Yesterday was quite a binge! I played RDR2 and online, and AID too, and with GPT3.5 too. Now I'm having my second coffee. Boiled my index finger with steam two times in a row. Have to learn. And even though it's already 10 PM, I'm gonna do some OHPs and PPs once I'm done with this coffee. Today's workout is Week 6, Session 2 . 85%, 5 sets of 2. Minimax is either 120 or 140 (130?), and supermax can be 155. So, from 110 to 131 ?.. Can be done, perhaps. And I have been forgetting to do "strict singles" afterwards. They take up a lot of time and effort. I find it to be more convenient to add strict singles when they're closer to the working weight - i.e. in the second half of the program. One thirty... That might be a big weight. It's not normal to have a "tweaking" knee, cause it ain't got muscle inside itself. I reckon the thing that doctors attached down there just misp...