My training log and thoughts

 30.03.2023 Nice day. Slept better and rather calm. I wonder if it's cause I took a second melatonin pill at some point. You get pretty desensitized to them. Food - okay, above average, although appetite seems low. Maybe it's cause I didn't work out right. Yesterday should feel like a fail, but it didn't. Maybe cause DL is not currently in priority, or because of how 190 overhand felt. Possibly easier than before. And I have more energy left for today. I pray I don't relapse into darkness. The AI is still trending. After watching a few videos I myself realised it has the potential to be dangerous - simply because of how powerful and versatile of a tool it can be. Because text isn't just text, but it can also be input for many more commands. GPT4 can generate a code to draw in Blender. GPT3.5 generated me a code for a wacky sorting algorithm chart - a picture. Today is Thursday, an overhead and squat day, as I've changed it. Maybe those changes are one of the...

 29.03.2023 Nice day. Sleep - above average. Nice dreams. Flying. Don't exactly remember. Enjoyed Red Dead Redemption 2 yesterday, online and singleplayer. I should try using the mic. Whenever anyone speaks there they all squeak (official term). And yes some people claim that the audience is mature. It's believeable, cause mature audience prefers not to use mic. Too cumbersome for me. Nutrition - slightly above average. Ate okay yesterday, had a high-calorie micro-breakfast today. Feeling... Yesterday I felt better. Yesterday (tuesday) started with residual suicideness from Monday, but by the end of the day I felt much better. Today - I felt good and quiet, peaceful. Then things got a little sad. I'm angry, or rather cranky and bitter. I'm being abused. Not very admittedly. But I am being treated unfairly. And it is rather obvious. It's a personal issue. Let's be real, I shouldn't be writing here. But I reckon I'd have finished it if I couldn't write...

 27.03.2023 Nice day. I don't feel so great. Sleep mediocre. Upset. Letting small things get to me. Nice dreams I saw in my sleep. Didn't eat after I woke. Work cancelled. Well, I should at least give myself a quick recharge or some kind by eating a peatun butter sandwich. I've been making peanut butter and jam sandwiches for a while. Indulgent old me. I'm one of those people who choose to spend money on expensive food. So, some people rely on me to buy it for myself and then then can have some too. Or most of it. It's okay, although it does make me upset sometimes. Food is something a good man should be able to share. Money - not necessarily. Food - always, unless in very specific context. Imagine it yourself. Mind. Human mind. What is physical about it? What is outside of nature? Do numbers exist? Is a chait a char or just strangely shaped piece of wood? Hmm. You can guess based on question to what position I'm leaning. Apparently, there is such a thing as phy...

 25.03.2023 Ugritone Drums is a really poorly made plugin. It crashes my Cakewalk again, even when I turn off all the addons. Maybe it's a sign for me to throw the heck away all the old stuff I had. If I only ever used the free drums then I'd be more inclined to play real drums. But I have these passable shit quality samples that sound "good enough" for you to ignore them. F this BS. I am fixing this, but I'm gonna stop using them. Clearly, they have some kind of issue with them that other plugins don't. And on top of that - their site is not opening. I swear, if I'm gonna open it with a VPN... And they have limited downloads after I've paid my money. I mean, for real, they have an issue and issues. Seriously, straight to trash they go. I'd be pissed if I couldn't fix my projects, however... Alright, let's see what'll happen when I just uninstall them. Thank God. It works. And they're gone from my PC. ~~~ Played guitar. First I play...

 23.03.23 Nice day. Low energy and appetite. Sleep and nutrition okay. Had two coffees late. Managed to make a second one okay. Didn't enjoy it too much. Workout Warmup - a bit, some squatting and stretching Squat - sets of 5, high bar 20 - 70 - 90 - 100 - 110 - 120 Then went back down quickly, sets of 3 110 - 110 - 100 - 90 - 70 - 50 Stretching - overhead stick and front rack, for quite a while (at least three sets). Push press 50 - 3 sets of 3 - way too limber after all this. Okay. Looking forward to Saturday. Played guitar a bit before the workout. Rewriting the song riff. Came up with another riff. I think I'll try different structures. And I've decided I'm making an album. No more EPs or singles. That's how I gotta do it. Better this way. I've been wanting to rbing back Sparkfinger. Cause it's a SEO goodie. Easy to find. Unless you add a space. And it'll stay that for a while. What will I make content about? Maybe I'll just share my experience w...

 22.03.2023 Nice day. Sleep - very good (rare). Nutrition - alright, above average. I think I must have gotten such nice sleep because it was quiet. You see, we've had some works done outside. They've been loud, and just by our house, and now they moved to the part close to my window. Helping my little brother with some of his homework. Busy. Now it's 9 PM. Not sure what to deadlift. Finished my second coffee. Both of these coffees I managed to brew sucessfully, without it pouring out. I realised I should pour more water in there, cause it still works with the release valve if the pressure gets too high. Took me a few attempts, but both of these times I managed to screw it on correctly. DL. Going from 180 to 220. That's about it. Workout No warmup Deadlift 20 and 70 Some warmup upstairs. 120 for 5 alright, feeling much better. 160 for 5 okay 190 for 5 200 for 5 210 for 5 220 for 5 okay. RPE 5. I was too laid back tbh, and listening to incorrect music - a song with uneve...

 20.03.2023 Nice day. Sleep decent, nutrition almost. Feeling good in my head, but not really. Thankfully, it's not as bad. But you make me sad. I can't help but think you're trying to kill me, to get me to kill myself. You just act like you do. I can't help it. I can't be responsible. The boy pisses me off too. He's not penitent for literally having attempted to kill me. If he ever acts like that again I shall hand a knife and tell him to sticke me in my throat. Victim mentality. Who would have expected. Maybe it'll come to an end one day. I'm sick. I'm sick overall and sick of this shit. IT's funny though, I don't actually feel bad. I just wish I wasn't being attacked for no reason. Fuck you. Burn in... I wanted to say the real bad word. I don't condemn anyone to hell. It's not mine. But it's a common hateful expression, and I can't help myself sometimes. I want it to end. I'm sick of this bullshit. Why don't you...

 18.03.2023 Nice day. Sleep okay, nutrition too. Had a lot of dreams. I always like my dreams, even when they're disturbing. Almost always. Took some time. Experimenting with my Moka pot. I oiled the threads on it, and I managed to tighten it super strong. Second time I did the same, but got them wrong, so it all leaked out and extinguished the stove. And the other stove was already drowned by someone else. Felt like a fe v er dream. Anyway, I had enough. It's 8 PM. Workout Warmup - some moves with the stick and with the EZ bar (dls, squats and ohps). Overhead press 20 and 50 for 10 Push press 50 for 8 ugly but okay 70 for 8 better 90 for 8 okay 90 for 8 nice, better 90 for 8 okay, alright, better too. No push jerks, breathing controlled. So, I'm starting the OHP/PP program with this. Curbing my enthusiasm and volume a bit, cause this is a longer range exercise. Then again, it's a good idea to increase the volume while maintaining appropriate intensity when you feel goo...

 16.03.2023 Nice day. Woke up way too late. Getting "distracted" takes a lot of energy out of you. Unpleasant moments, old things. Had a large breakfast - very decent, at least 7/10. Made a coffee and gave a lesson, this time from my PC because I was able to find out that you can use WhatsApp on PC too. Used my expensive nice mic. Brain feels so refreshed. I wish I knew more about my own nature. It used to be the everyday thing in 2021, I think. Wacky stuff. Good times. Workout Starting with a stretch - olympic stretches mostly. A pair of squats with my ez bar - the fact that I can place it on my back indicates progress! Squat - sets of 5, high bar, weightlifting style 20 - 50 - 70 - 90 - 100 - 105 - 105 Alright. Feels good. Front racks 70 - 3 sets for a few seconds Nicely painful. It's gonne get better. It has gone better, seeing how I am able to do it. Push jerk - to feel the physics 50 - 3 sets of 3 Strong push, catching the weight and then standing up with it. Not int...

 15.03.2023 Nice day. Sleep and nutrition are above average. Dreams and thoughts - not so well. Dreaming and thinking about some things that aren't very good. Visited a first seminar in programming yesterday. Couldn't figure out anything original on my own, but at least I learned what I'm supposed to do. Gotta do it. Gotta devote some time to watch all of these additional lectures. Should be good for my overall development. ~~~ Made my second coffee with pure robusta. Suddenly nostalgic. Honestly, I'm not feeling too much today. I don't feel like I have a lot of extra energy. I thinkful I'm not falling asleep and my brain isn't feeling empty, but I'm not really here either. Oh well. Just gotta do things. ~~~ Quite some time later. Better. Things are better, maybe even better than expected. I think intuitively that it might be a good time to forget about my deadlift strength and work on the forgotten fibres - train them to store glycogen and work for long...

 13.03.2023 Nice day. Good sleep, decent nutrition. Worked. Spent a lot of time yesterday actually learning the new thing, already, watching a lecture. It's 19:08. I've finished my second moka. Tempted to get another one. I planned to start my workout already. Well, it's been getting easier to not get extra coffee as two mokas has become a habitual standart. Today it's squats. I kinda wanna get some heavy weight. Thinking of doing more than I did last time. My shoulder joints have been hurting from the crazy stretching I did last time. And I wanna do some stretching and OHP/PPs today. It should be good for me. Not even light ones. So, I still feel like I need some time here. But I'll start the stretching and warming up. Workout Warmup - bodyweight moves, stretching - olympic style and for squats. Squat 50 for 10 100 for 5 130 for 5 140 for 5 150 for 5 alright 160 for 5 okay Filmed it. Kinda ugly, but alright. I'm doing it deep - with a buttwink. Can't hold i...

 11.03.2023 Nice day. Saturday. Decent sleep, decent nutrition, possibly even above average. Troubling vivd dreams. But I always enjoy them when I'm asleep. But I might not enjoy their contents when i look over them awake. Just overexaggerated reality. My thoughts and fears. Funny. Been playing with various large language models. Ended up resubscribing to AI Dungeon, even though it's constly for me at this point. Quite costly. Expecially now that I'm supposed ot be paying for my new education. Oh well. Took me a long time. Had two coffees. They did not affect me much at all. Workout A lot of stretching, olympic style - like I wanted. Stick overhead and behind back, front rack hold for front squat. Until 70 kgs in OHP. Overhead press 20 50 for 10 70 for 5 stopped stretches here 90 for 5 - alright. Not "warmed up", but good. Powerful and strict. 100 for 4 - nice. Kind of strict. Alright anyway. My shoulders don't "feel" it. The movement is gone. It...

 09.03.2023 Nice day. Decent sleep, decent nutrition. Lumbar's been hurting, I should have not gone for 225 yesterday, he he. Or maybe I should not have tightened my belt as much - when you tighten it too much you actually destabilize your back. You're supposed to brace your guts into the belt, not have it qsqueeze you before the set. Curious important bit. Now it's the end of the day. I have enrolled into an online education thingy to be an IT developer. I dunno what exactly I'm doing, but I want some change. I'd like to imagine I'm gonna be able to stick with it and get somewhere. Ordered some  groceries, mostly built around my breakfast. Gonna have a nice more diverse breakfast tomorrow. Helped someone with something. Worked. Let my little brother play minecraft. He's still playing on peaceful! He he. Well, minecraft can be very scary. And now it's near the end of the day. And I'm gonna have my upstairs workout. Smooth and simple. Workout Small wa...

 08.03.2023 Somewhat nice day. Above average sleep. Decent nutrition. Nervous system - not perfect. Felt pretty tense in the morning, like a spring going off. I knew the spring was tightening. I wish there a way to unload it safely. Had two coffees. The first one tasted great. Second one - okay. Gonna start my workout soon. Very "distracted" right now. Don't really wanna be, but I am. That's why I gotta speed up and do my DLs. I'd like to play some drums today too. I think my "quick warmup" - you know, going from 20 to 150 - is kind of an unnecessary and possibly detrimental gimmick. I do it all too quickly and my body doesn't understand excatly what it needs to do. I think it make sht eabsolute most amount of sense to emulate your working sets with your warmup sets. And, speaking of working sets. I'm not sure what exactly to do today. I've reached the final two microcycles on a day I fell ill. I'd be supposed to do 4 sets of 6 with 75%. ...

 06.03.2022 Nice day. I've stopped being able to fall asleep early, ever since Saturday. Decent sleep, although I've been feeling strangely uncomfortable in bed. Woke up late. Nice breakfast. Worked. Had coffee. It got cold. Played guitar a bit. I think the ice is moving. I might write something. Had a second coffee. Having it from a large cup. Different. Been thinking about changing lifestyle, bit by bit. Being "distracted" is harmful. It takes too much time. And yet I am tempted to "distract" myself now. And it takes money - indirectly. Coffee to blame. Angry. Usual reasons. You know what I'm talking about. A little thin, a little connection, a very direct wire to the "flight or fight" response. Rationally, it pisses me off. You could call it PTSD, but I'm not sure if it is. It's still there, still very much unresolved. It's taking a while, so for my third coffee I made a small pot-brewed coffee. Less strong than a moka. Workout S...

 04.03.2023 Nice day. Very nice nutrition. Mediocre sleep. My neck keeps getting cramped. Something's gone wrong with it, after all the time I spent sleeping on two pillows. Had coffee early. Got "distracted" for a long time. Oh well. Workout Small upper body warmup Overhead press 20 - 40 - 60 70 for 5 90 for 5 a little too weak for my taste. Well, I pressed very strictly. 90 for 5 better. CNS got better. That's about it for OHP, volume wise. That's how I planned it. Only two sets. But now - something exciting. Some jumps, calf raises, half squats. High cranial pressure. Still taking antibiotics. Oh well. Push press 70 - 4 sets of 2 - alright. Most reps were pushjerk, but it'll take time to get back in the groove. Honestly, I'd love to learn to do mroe weightlifting stuff. Maybe I should buy bumper plates.

 02.03.2023 Nice day. Decent sleep, decent nutrition. Worried my illness isn't going away. Took out the antibiotics, had one. Might be a mistake. Back doesn't hurt. Evened out my mattress a bit. Was really "distracted" yesterday - before the workout. Got lactic acid in muscle. Kind of a forgotten feeling. Funny. Gonna work out today too. Having coffee with soda. Nice combo. Not mixed, of course, in separate cups. Coffee tastes nostalgic. I should do more different exercises. Doesn't matter what kind. The minimalism is good, but it's gone too far. Gonna do some bicep curls and maybe even some ridiculous exercises - as long as they're fun. Hope to do something heavier on Saturday. ~~~ Took some time learning to play a song in double drop D on my acoustic. Then jammed a bit on my SG. When you write things on paper first - they're really different. Gotta do it more often. Decided to change the strings. I've been wanting to switch back to D Standard. To...

 01.03.2023 Nice day. Decent nutrition and sleep. Been sleeping at night, but still waking up at some point. Been feeling a little strained in my back. Uneven mattress.  Still ill, still coughing. Not right now, thankfully. It's 16:53 and I've had two coffees. Feels nice. Wanna have another one, and then have my quick DLs. Gonna work up to a small weight. Monday squats didn't load me too hard, but I got lactic acid in my legs. It doesn'nt happen when you train often enough. I know DLs today are gonna be mostly easy. Cause I'm gonna take a light weight. It's important to tread carefully after the illness. 7 PM. Workout Almost no warmup Deadlift 20 for 10 70 for 10 hamstring a little cramped. 120 for 5 160 for 5 overhand - okay. Not perfect. Lungs not in shape. But alright. 160 for 5 okay 160 for 5 a little better. 160 for 5 nice. Got warmed up a bit better. Unloaded the bar. Rubber lat pulls, light 2 sets of 20 reps - I think I might have tweaked my left side not...