My training log and thoughts

 29.06.2023 Nice. Woke up. small snack, worked. Feeling so much more fresh. Played guitar on these newly installed speakers. Having my third coffee. Spiced it up with a tiny amount of sugar and salt, to distract from the cheapness of this remaining coffee. It's okay, more or less. Caffeine. Somehow, I feel very limber today. Maybe it's cause of the exercises I was showing - one legged partial squats and variations. They helped ME a lot! Now I don't feel like I'm made of wood. What a discovery! Now it's close to 11 PM. Hmm. Week 9, Session 2 altered - a little lighter today, I reckon. 4 sets of 3... Another accidental collision. We'll keep it simple and just do 120 for 4 sets of 3. After warmup. And then, roughly the same weight for the "clean single". Maybe 130-140. Hmm... I'm redownloading FNV. It's really calling to me now. Finally I'll try JSawyer's mod from the start. Workout Warmup - some of the aforementioned one legged squats, st...

 28.06.2023 Nice day. I can't believe the blog is about to approach 600 posts. Feels like 500 was very recently. Well, the minimum is 16 posts a month, so that's reasonable. 2020 feels like it happened a while ago now. Slept nicely. During the day. Wednesday is my actual day off. I've developed a tendency to basically sleep only on my rest days, and that's pretty wack. Last week's Monday and Wednesday were heavy days, but Wed was cut by my mediocrity, and since then, following this strange sleep trend, I haven't had a nice workout and I also fell ill. Don't feel sick today, only a little snotty. My mom told me I do snore in my sleep - or so she heard from outside my room - and it worries me a little, because I assumed I don't snore. That's after seeing Shadiversity's series of videos about Shad Brooks' apnoe and how horrible it was for him. The video left such an impression on me I still shudder thinking how horrible it must have been, being ...

 26.06.2023 Nice day. I don't feel great physically, but okay mentally. If you know history you'll know the thing blew over. I was ready to experience bad things. Happy it turned out okay. The guy is still a traitor though. I'd like to believe it was all a psyop, but a good psyop is the one that doesn't look like one. So, can't say. Sadly, showering once again made me ill, irritated my nose and throat and made me ill. Maybe I should have done a sponge bath. I don't know what's up and why that's happening. Obviously, there's a lot of fatigue and other factors, such as erratic sleep, heat and slight nervousness. But I can't but feel that all the heat and scrubbing during shower must have delivered the final blow to my immune system. It's too much of a coincidence and I've gotten ill so many times this way. Obviously, I have to admit that I do not know it and I only infer this hypothesis. Really funny - guy don't want to shower, haha. Oh...

 24.06.2023 Nice day so far. Slept a lot yesterday, really knocked out somehow. Then I ate well, splurged on restaurant food again. At least I don't do it as often these days. Being a former cook, I can somehow appreciate this stuff. Other stuff's been happening. The "alternative" I wrote about earlier seemed to have failed completely and the worst thing possible happened to it. That's libertarianism for you. It is much more foolishly optimistic than any other ideology. I'm severely upset with those people. So, all that stuff kind of makes me not wanna "go". *sigh* Well, the desire to go is not gone, but this stuff is just bs. My brain has been feeling really, uh, I dunno, leisurely. It's similar to when I'm inspired, but, like, I'm not moved to do a lot of stuff. Lazy? Perhaps. Really have been "distacted" but in a different way than I was in 2022 and 2021. Less intense. Older? Hope not the cause, lol. Vague, vague writing. Har...

 22.06.2023 Nice day. Slept well, ate okay. Worked unexpectedly, but then had some lessons cancelled. Had two coffees. My little brother is ill with tonsillitis and mother is telling him to massage his throat and brush it with a toothbrush. I argued with her that it is not the right approach. She is stubborn, but I think she was convinced. Her mind is suffering from a helplessness fallacy - she has to do something or anything at all when faced with an obstacle, even if meaningless. And now it's 23:31. I am planning to have my technical workout soon. Played a little jam in Lydian #2. Not harmonic minor! Sounded cool. I wish to create, I have that liquid in my brain. Workout Warmup - a tiny bit Clean 20 - a variety of movements, also I did nice horizontal l-flys with the rubber 40 for 4 singles; Press for 8 reps (on the last clean) 70 for 5 singles; Press - 2 sets of 5 reps (last two cleans) Feels nice. Bench press 20 - 50 - 70 for 5 reps Doing it fast - including lowering. Not sure ...

 21.06.2023 Really nice day. Food - above average, lots of carbs; yesterday I somewhat impulsively bought groceries which were mostly sweets and carbs, i.e. ice cream and chocolate bars, soda, juice and chips, and also milk. All the food that fuels your brain very well. Yesterday was a satisfying day of work, I slept erratically but enough, and woke up very early today, forced some leftover food in me and impulsively ate some of that chocolate I bought, and that felt too much. During my sleep, I had some really vivid dreams. I could feel my brain generating imagery and auto-processing things at an extra quick pace. That was cool. I often am partially conscious when I sleep. Which leads to me being really puzzled when I discover something unreal in my dream. That's funny. Smosh came back. Imagine that! They were my favorite channel a long time ago. Nowadays I don't have a favorite channel. I guess Vanoss (and friends) is close. I'm gonna talk about Youtube and it's cultu...

 19.06.2023 P.S. This is a ridiculous post (writing this on 10.10.23). Shortly after that day I regained a bit of my rationality, but I'm bothered that this one just keeps popping up all the time for some reason (I did not go anywhere and there was a whole big thing that really got me disenchanted! Although I do remember making that one phone call. Just imagine how much time could have been wasted one way or another if they did end up picking it up!) Nice day. Monday. Slept hard yesterday. My glutes and leg adductors feel very fatigued. Not lactic, but straight up damaged. I never realised how much tougher high bar squat can be. But the movement is really satisfying. I keep thinking about squat. No longer as sure about "going". The alternative "place to go" sounds more appealing now, cause I've been thinking about it. There's less bureaucracy there, more pay, you get treated more like a peer since there are no ranks. But I assume it's more risky. Not...

 17.06.2023 Nice day. This Friday (yesterday) I experienced the real second day fatigue, was pretty tired. Something like this hasn't happened in a while. That's okay now. Worked in the morning, it was all nice, slept some. It's pretty warm, but not as hot as last two summers. Woke up, gave a physical culture to the kids again. Went upstairs to have my coffee and prepare mentally (or just enjoy myself). Then I had some more time away, so it's 11 PM again. This time it's not as much of my fault, hehe. Still yearning to "change my lifestyle". I'm worried the agency I've contacted last time might be permanently closed and my papers which I've spent quite a while gathering might be lost. *sighs* If only things turned out differently. I could have been dead gloriously already, hehehe. And I mean gloriously, people calling me a hero and such. Don't worry, I'm not going there to die. In fact, it's better if I think I'm gonna chill (obv...

 15.06.2023 Nice day. Woke up sort of early, had a moderate breakfast but somehow it filled me up. Fell asleep again, had some really vivid dreams. Woke up, couldn't reach my student, so work cancelled. It's okay. Yesterday they updated GPT3.5 in Poe. It was unavailable for a while, and then it started generating better material. Week 10, Session 2 - working up to 4 sets of 2 with 87,5%. So, may wanna get to 135. Workout Warmup - long, some stretching Clean (squat clean) 50 - 70 - 90 for 3 singles each. Good. Improvement, including front rack. Push press 50 for 1 - front rack feels good 70 for 1 90 for 2 Did some jumping, including backwards jumps onto the porch - scary, because it's such an unusual movement 110 for 2 130 for 1 - I wanted to do the second one, but I felt fatigued. I had to stop and recalculate today. It's permissible - it's an extra loop in the microcycle. We shall have a proper heavy PP workout on the next Monday. And medium-heavy squat on Saturday...

 14.06.2023 Deadlift, Week 8, Session 2 - 2 sets of 3 with 80% and 3 sets of 1 with 87,5%. Thinking about 240 and 250 for 3, and then 270, 272 and 275 for singles. Slept little, but I know I can do what I need. Ate very well, abundant. Now it's 1 PM. I woke up a long time ago. I plan to have a few coffees and have the coveted earlier workout. Wanna talk about my plans, kind of. It's very strange. I can't make up my mind. Upsides and downsides. It's like I don't have any kind of a rational mind. Coffee, coffee, coffee. Now I know it's working, pumping my blood with dopamine. Now I really wanna go. Once I sign that damn paper it'll be easier. Cause I know I have standarts. When I was talking about "the call" I was talking about a more literal phone call. Maybe I should make it now. Find out if my documents are still okay to be used. If I do get it'd make sense to down some coffee along the way, to force that dopamine in times of change. Just sig...

 12.06.2023 Nice day. Very late. Slept a long time. Woke up near midnight yesterday. Really kicked my own ass with the Saturday workout. Now it's almost midnight again, even though I woke up earlier. I'm still very confused about going. I need that meaningful direction in life. But I don't wanna go out of spite. I think I'll be making a call sometime soon. I'll ask if they can do it quickly. If I can gather my shit quickly. Might have to cancel my coding education. It's not been going very well. Apparently it's sort of a trend - a lot of young men wanna go at the start of summer. I just hope they can give me the same conditions as they supposedly gave some other people. I'd like to know. I'd like to make a call. Not completely sure. I don't envision is as something I'll be doing as my life-goal, but I need it. I need to unshit my fucking pants. I am pathetic non-man, and I have been for a long time. Well, I was young. Young like a boy. A lite...

 10.06.2023 Nice day. Not much. Sleep - okay, nutrition - okay too. Not sure, but I think it's enough. Worked early in the morning, slept a little, then I gave a physical culture lesson to some neighbor kids and my little brother. It was fun, but it took too long. But it made my mom want to clean up in the garage, so we all did. Not it's a few hours later and I'm done with my third coffee of the day. To be fair, I've been making them not too strong and now I want a fourth one. Oh well. I feel really fresh. I wanna do a proper squat today. Week 9, Session 1.  4 sets of 6 with 75%, and one "clean single" with 87,5%. So, from 160 to 180? And one rep with 205-210? Sounds quite plause. I hope I won't make the same mistake today. I have a better idea on what th high bar squat is. Very important note, sensational, in fact - I noticed my right leg's mobility has improved very significantly! I wrote about it a lot in summer of 2020, when I did all those leg cu...

 08.06.2023 Nice day. Sleep - not so sure. Very warm. Some pipes in the toilet were leaking, and I remembered that a way to fix it is to add pressure in the heating system, so I did. I haven't checked if it stopped leaking, however. My sleep was sort of mediocre, although I had nice dreams. I wasn't feeling too bad yesterday, my mental confusion wasn't strong enough to affect me very physically, but I took an analgin pill. What do you know. I know it's so stupid it's bad - to take painkillers when you're just not sure, and it's a mistake I've done in the past - taking aspirin when I was anxious and couldn't fall asleep, but hey, at least I only this once in a while rather than every day nowadays. My nutrition has been kind of awful, I ate buckwheat in meat broth and some other stuff such as expired processed meat products, and I ahd a bloated swollen stomach all day today until my first coffee. Yes, we're still discussing digestion, and it is imp...

 07.06.2023 Nice day. Food - I think I had a lot of it, but I'm not as sure about the necessary variety. Sleep - had enough, nice dreams. Had my first coffee. I think I wanna have coffees faster, cause it takes so long sometimes. But now I have to take a break and do a little chore that isn't too fatiguing, but it might take some time. So there's gonna be a break between now and later. (o rly?) ⌛⏳⌛ Did the chore - cut the grass on the lawn. It's surprisingly long and uneven, so I settled for doing a quick trim without the bag. You see, I signed up for than online coding school in March, thinking I can either ask my mother for the money or be able to pay myself (an above moderate sum every month for two years) She's been paying since I asked her, but always demanding something in return. Sadly, with the additional negative defensive passive-aggresive emotion that comes out of nowhere it feel very unpleasant. Maybe I'm unpleasant too in many ways. Hell, my face is...

 05.06.2023 Actually, a very nice day. Woke up a little earlier, worked, ate, slept some more, had the first coffee. Can't really judge the quality of my sleep and nutrition. I know I've definitely been getting enough creatine, I guess. Finishing the old creatine jar, have an unopened package too. It's been almost a whole week of me feeling very lazy when it comes to lerning the programming and such. I've somehow been unable (or osmething like that) to do anything. I alsmost did something yesterday. Alas, I talk so much about my Ratio being in control, but it is not, it is in cahoots with my subconscious. I guess we have to come to another nonverbal agreement again. Well, thank God we ackowldged it and we'll come to solve this small issue. Also, today we squat. Now excuse me as I go dowstairs to make myself a second coffee, I feel quite thirsty for it today. Week 8, Session 2 - 62,5% and 72,5% for 5, 80% - 2 sets of 3, 87,5% - 3 sets of 1 and 85% as the "clean ...

 03.06.2023 Nice day so far. Since Wednesday I've been very sleepy, low energy, it made me even consider that I might be ill (unlikely). Today I slept a lot too, unexpectedly deep sleep. It feels unusual. Nutrition - decent, probably. Not sure if I got enough, but I don't feel hungry. Now it's close to 10 PM and I'm having my second coffee. One hour later. Yeah, it's another late night workout. Not a problem for now, of course. Today it's pushpress - Week 9, Session 2 . And I wanna do some cleans and shit. Maybe even do it outside. I dread having to fight my connective tissue today. But maybe it'll be okay - I had a whole week to rest, after all. So, it's 72.5% for 5, and 82.5% for 4 sets of 3, and 87.5% for 1. So, rough numbers would be 105 for 5, 120-127, and 131. Actually sounds very reasonable, if we look at our previous workouts. And let us not waste time anymore. W o r k o u t Warmup - a little Clean and front squat 20 50 for a couple reps - hip fe...

 01.06.2023 Nice day. Yesterday's workout was hard. Relaxed, feeling lazy from it. Satisfied. Slept well, ate okay. Now I'm having coffee. Again, contemplating going. If I do decide to go I need to make sure I can't fucking turn back suddenly. Third time's the charm, as they say. I'd like to be there when something gets accomplished. Kinda sleazy way to think about it, I guess. Well, enough with the vague things. Today might be a great day for an actual light session. Just upstairs. We're shifting it again, I guess. Let's see how it'll pan out. Or mayyyyybe I will lift heavy enough after all. I've gone soo lazy, man... I'm confused about my life again. I mean, what the heck is even? It's supposed to be Week 9, Session 2. That's 82,5% for 4 sets of 3 and 87,5 for 1. Close to a maxout, eh? I'm not sure. Fighting confusion. Yeah. It's decided - it's a light day. But I just might some more uncoventional things, and I will be visit...