June 28th - Well rested bonus, some things about my life, warmup concept explained once again, nice deadlift 4 sets of 3

 28.06.2023

Nice day. I can't believe the blog is about to approach 600 posts. Feels like 500 was very recently. Well, the minimum is 16 posts a month, so that's reasonable. 2020 feels like it happened a while ago now.

Slept nicely. During the day. Wednesday is my actual day off. I've developed a tendency to basically sleep only on my rest days, and that's pretty wack. Last week's Monday and Wednesday were heavy days, but Wed was cut by my mediocrity, and since then, following this strange sleep trend, I haven't had a nice workout and I also fell ill. Don't feel sick today, only a little snotty. My mom told me I do snore in my sleep - or so she heard from outside my room - and it worries me a little, because I assumed I don't snore. That's after seeing Shadiversity's series of videos about Shad Brooks' apnoe and how horrible it was for him. The video left such an impression on me I still shudder thinking how horrible it must have been, being unable to sleep almost at all. Thankfully, I don't have such an issue, despite supposedly sounding like I snore. In my dreams, I sometimes semi-consciously control my breathing in order to start flying in my dreams. I only half-understand that I'm dreaming when I start flying or using telekinesis in my dreams. Very common occurence for me - periodically. Well, my dreams lately have been somewhat more dramatic, more about people and emotions for some reason. Still can't remember anything.

Finished downloading RDR2 last night / this morning. I guess I will finish the story mode after all. Online is stimulating to my imagination in a different way now. I can feel it. But I shouldn't let go of it. I've been riding the high of sorts, high coming from strong imagination. Gestation of creativity! I've sort of been in the same state when I was conceptualizing my earliest music. And in 2021... Every year, actually. Man, 2021 has been an underrated awesome year. However, if I had to compare, I'd say 2020 was a bit above.

Now that I have three very large games on my SSD I want to reinstall ESO, hehe. I'd love to wander around and ask various european and turkish strengers curious questions about life, philosophy, psychology and politics. And religion too. That's what ESO was for me. I was quite unihinged! And roleplaying. Before 2015, before I picked up this game, I was a little different. I keep thinking about the person most dear to me in that game. She's been the only online friend playing this game most consistently. She's probably got way more hours in the game than me by this point, hehe. She was inviting me to Europe in 2017 or something. I obviously decided I can't go. Later, my mom told me she would have helped me with the budget if I asked her. Well, that's one curse of supposed "introversion" that I have - I don't really think things like this are possible in my reality. In another life things could have been different. We could have been an item, as I keep thinking. But she's married and I would prefer not to disturb that - psychologically. Maybe it's different for women, maybe they don't get as obsessed from "light flirting", be it online or in real life. Either way, I prefer not to act in a disruptive unhealthy manner. Even though I've been catching myself saying "I wish I was in love once again!" recently. How funny! No longer as bitter and dried out these days. First, I got a tiny bit bitter from being rejected - and I tried very hard, almost succeding (at least in my mind at the time). I hope I was being respectful - at least that lady from my past kept throwing sorry glances at me every time we met. I'd like to imagine I really helped her mind by wanting her so much and expressing it with my words in a poetic over the top manner. Yes. But then I was only, like, one percent bitter. Then I got crushed by life once my father got killed by a car, and I lost motivation to do most things. I was only really interested in srongman sport at the time, and my friend injured my knee accidentally as I was preparing for my first ever strongman tournament and there was supposed to be sumo wrestling in it. Bad idea! Most athletes agree that this does not belong in the cold calculating introspective sport that is strongman. Then I dropped out of the university and sought for a way out of this constant choking by life. Didn't get much. Tried to get back in there for a year, failed, decided to go to army out of sense of failure, to redeem myself a little bit I guess. Yes, the issue is that there's also psychological pressure from society and people. The older I get the weaker it is, of course. Would you come up to me and tell me what I should do? My face and my muscles grow heavier each year. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm good in a fight. But I'd like to believe I'm above average. I have a somewhat nonsensical berserker attitude and I believe in myself too much. I realised that recently - yesterday, actually - as I played a random game mode in GTA, and it was a deathmatch in a labyrinth with pistols only. I did okay at first, got about seven kills before my first death  because I was spamming consumables I had stockpiled from overworld xD Then I started dying. I believe I helped my team by tanking damage in the first part. But in the end I got 11/15 k/d, which is lame. It took me a while to cool down and stop rushing the opponents once I ran out of consumables, and then our team did okay. I'm ranting once again, aren't I? And I'm loving it. It's pure unfiltered creativity. Broth, meat and bones. Let us not stop... Anyway. I wish I had a richer vocabulary - I can understand many words, but, as you can see, my active vocabulary is somewhat slightly more limited. I've been peering inside of the dream... Is "to peer" a word? Hmm... Yes, it is a word and it's one of the words that are rarely used but it's been stuck in my head for a while. Being human... Being a child. Always something new. Constant sense of wonder. My parents... When they were young and innocent themselves. They were still passionate, full of energy and optimism. Guess what, I'm literally crying from this nostalgia, from these memories of what the nineties were to me... Hehe. I had a developed brain as a child. I have memories from very early life of mine. I wonder if my head really would have been smaller if I wasn't born through a c-section.

Well, earlier in this rant I decided to talk with you about my romantic life. And I was talking about all the tings that were making me bitter, my father's death being the biggest of them. Really demotivating me. I mean, what's the point to live succesfully if you're gonna die so quickly? I'm just a secondary version of my father, so inevtably I saw myself in him. Lost interest in relations after that year. And it's been so long ago. Army and getting surgeries was traumatic, and I became a neurotic easily abusable wreck - for a while. Then abuse piled up, higher and higher, until it was a time to break, and I did break, becoming angry to a point of evil. In early 2019. And I am still anrgy, hehe. But, speaking of my romantic endeavours... Believe it or not, I was really horny despite having no interest in being attracted to someone or building a genuine connection. Somehow, an idea got stuck in my head that videogames would help me reduce my insane horniness. And they did - in Summer 2014 I bought me my old laptop and immediately got to playing FNV. Then Skyrim. Then a lot of Minecraft... Then ESO. What a time! I was still sort of like a child. Since then, I haven't yearned for connections much. There were moments when I went a little insane from sudden periodic horniness - in August 2021, for example, hehe. But it's only been periodic. I haven't really got a desire or a "move" inside of me. I don't feel quite rewarded. Is that a problem? If it is a problem, is it biological or psychological? Could I unlock being a pathetic simp once again if I believed in myself? Hehe. I could have been the biggest simp in the universe, but I'd make it dramatic if I was. And it's the experience of death that made me lose it.

Well, and that's about it, regarding the "romantic line". Will I ever meet a lady I'd be genuinely attracted to? I wonder if I look much older nowadays. Can't tell. I'd like to believe my lifestyle is conducive to preservation of my health, at least in some way. Boy, have you seen that guy that's obsessed with getting a long life on teh internets? He seems pretty cringe - on the surface level, at least. And guess what? I can't really be bothered looking past that surface level, because even from it I can see that we've got very different value systems in life. I search for

***

Great, I made another coffee, accidentally opened my meme folder and can't stop lulzing. Hehehe.

Anyway, I'd like to fiddle with my dad's old sound system, cause I figured it was too distorted because of the audio interface rather than itself. Hmm. I'd like to set up a wide variety of different things, actually... There's not too much space in here, but there is enough. The computer shelf is kinda flimsy. But okay now... Anyway. I love how the air smells. So world is so big and open. So good. I feel like a young child again. Another wave of nostalgia making me cry... Hehe.

***

A few hours later. I managed to connect the large old sound system. I fiddled with the cable for a long time, confused by coloring. Apparently, red is color I'm not supposed to connect. It's white and yellow! Confusing, cause the holes are white and red, and the cable got white, red and yellow ends. The internet is also a little confusing. But I experimented and got it.

It's good. These things are good monitors - compared to the other options. And they shake the ground under my feet! I connected the guitar, fiddled around a little, practiced As Yggdrasil. It's the first time I'm enjoying hearing my own songs from large speakers. And I managed to fit them beside the monitor. Not too bad.

My little brother was playing piano downstairs, but ended up wandering to my rooml, played guitar a little. He can almost paly power chords already! I showed him the pentatonic scale on the 7th fret. He could almost play it. Then he asked me to show him tabs for a song, then he asked me about my old Gameboy. I showed him SuperMario 3 on the internet, and showed him a little of Vice City Stories on the PSP emulator I've tried recently. Didn't let him play it though, this one is for slightly older kids.

And it's almsot 10 PM now. My back is a little cramped from standing with the guitar, but it's getting easier now. I shall deadlift. IIRC we have a pretty heavy volume planned...

Week 9, Session 2 - 4 sets of 3 with 82,5%! Not too light... So, from 247 to 260? I find it reasonable.

Workout

Warmup - long, gentle, soft

Deadlift

20 - 70 - 120 - 160 for 5

200 - 1 rep overhand, I wasn't perfectly in control, but it was better than last time. It was rolling out of my fingers a little bit. Then one rep hooked grip, then one rep mixed grip - right hand was underhand and a tiny bit to the side, and that made it very comfortable for my proportions.

230 - tried to do overhand, then I did one hooked grip lift (micro PR :D) and one in straps.

250 for 3 nice, somewhat casually. I'm strong enough for this weight to be the end of my "specific warmup". I've written about it before - initial warmup is the gentle bodily moves etc., and specific warmup is my deadlift before the working weights. And usually it's harder than the working sets - because you are not ready to lift these weights you're lifting. But by doing these hard sets you are making yourself ready, so then the heavier working sets feel lighter.

250 for 3 okay

255,5 for 3 nice, chill and easy

260,5 for 3 very good

Alright. But then I wanted more, so I calculated 87,5% and got 280. Then I did two attempts - got the first one to the knees, stuck and lowered, second one - the same. This is one of those oldschool impulsive things. Didn't plan for it! Well, seeing how I'm not too far from maxing out, I shall learn to plan better. And for now, let us celebrate the succesful working sets!

RPotD

Guangzhou-Strong cold air moves south, the haze dissipates (2013)