My training log and thoughts

 30.06.2022 I got absolutely wrecked after yesterday, he ha. I had way too much fun. Thank God I at least had a decent workout. My back felt really tired from doing that wonky front squat. And also it's been a whole week since I've done heavy PP's, so that might have been fatiguing too. I realised I spent over 16 hours primarily on my feet. It's not a question of health anymore. I just don't like sitting down. Sometimes I want to, so I pick the acoustic or classical guitar and play for a while, sitting down. But it does become uncomfortable, so I'm forced onto my feel. Yesterday I had too much fun. Sadly, I have to admit that my discipline took a big L on this one. (L = lose, lost) By random chance one of the clients called me and I asked them to postpone the lesson to tomorrow. I'm gonna have five lessons tomorrow. It's in my best interest to relax as much as possible today. And go to bed early. I gave one lesson today. Some student really need to spent...

 29.06.2022 Nice day. Slept little, worked, decent nutrition, angry - that means I have energy. Having my third moka. Not bad. Aggravated. Screaming at ghosts in my head. Fuck them. Hope they burn. I'm being methaphorical, just FYI. Don't you dare get superstitious or judgemental with me. I suffer. You suffer too. I know it. Life is unjust. It's okay. No other way. Suffer and live. Then die. Be at peace. Enjoy what you can while you can. Listen to God. Listen to your conscience. Sometimes you have to do hard things. But you have to do them. You'll know it when you do. You must. Categorical imperative. Only way. Been playing my guitar nightly. Not grooving at night. Not recording well. I think I want some kind of "reset", if it's possible. Not sure what that could be. I'm so sick of... something. Not for you to know. But I hope you don't feel what I feel. And if you do - I hope you do more than I did. It's better. More conscientious. Almost nine...

 26.06.2022 You know what I just realised? I need to train slow deadlift/squat etc. too! All of my deadlifts were fast, that's why I never got a feeling of more than "RPE 8". But it's easier to move a heavy wighter slower, isn't? There's gotta be some correct logic here. I know powerlifters use paused reps. I'll be doing some of that stuff soon and when I'll be doing the powerlifter program. Tomorrow I just have deadlifts. I think I wanna do 170 - 2 sets of 12. It's going alright. I got enough sleep and enough food. Should be good, provided I don't get too "distracted". 27.06.2022 Nice day. Slept a bit. Don't have any lessons today. Hot humid weather. Decent breakfast. Felt a little sleepy, but didn't fall asleep. That means I got enough. Having the first coffee. It's 5:34 PM. I've been succesfully recording the song in the last two days. Feels very satisfying and meaningful. I've been doing it late at night. I let...

 25.06.2022 Weird day, kind of. Not too bad in the end. Worked a tiny bit. Slept. Had breakfast at 4AM. Now it's almost 8PM and I'm not too hungry. It was a large one (frozen rice mix with some pork). Slept all day. I think I'm coming out of my "bender" which started roughly last saturday. What is it about? You can guess. No, I don't drink or take drugs. Only caffeine. I realised this night I cannon blame caffeine for delayed sleep. It might be a contributor, but ultimate I'm the one who's making a decision to continue standing in front of the computer, pressing the pleasure button, just like the mouse in the experiment anecdote. I feel good, thank God for that. Hope He will have mercy on me. I hope I ain't been doing too much bad stuff, but I know it's probably more than I think. Hmm. Been tryna clear up space on my SSD. Pretty hard. Deleted a lot of training vids. Apparently most of the fall 2021 my training was so shit xD And it's becomi...

 23.06.2022 I can't help but think that God watches over me, despite my many sins. Despite how crazy this blog is. It's not too crazy, it's just a training log with streams of consciousness poured on top. Just human experience. Slept not at night, slept some during the day, by strange coincidence had all my repeatable quests cancelled or postponed today. Didn't eat much. Ate some bread in the morning. Yesterday I pretty much only had breakfast and leftovers from breakfast. Pretty sure it was over 2000 calories anyway, hehe. Had a 20 gram of coffee moka pot. Over something like 220 grams of water. Didn't measure, I just made sure to not pour higher than the release valve. It turned out almost perfect, and I almost finished it already. I want more. I enjoyed playing a cute little melody made mostly from double stop (i.e. simple 2 note intervals, mostly thirds). The thirds can give you the most amount of "melodic flavor" in the song. I think that's one of...

 22.06.2022 Nice day. Slept surprisingly a lot. Slept a few hours between midnight and 5 and then between 8-9 to midday. But that's cause I pretty much did not sleep between monday and tuesday. Only a few hours during the day. Despite that, I wasn't tired on tuesday and managed to work a plenty. But I fell asleep early. On monday I got so massively "distracted" after my workout, it's insane. Played AI Dungeon a lot. Today - calm day, nice. Nutrition - 8/10, way better than last week. Having normal pourover coffee now. 32 grams over 300 something grams of water. Wanna compare the pourover to moka pot. The taste is really mild and velvety, turning into more and more bitter after every cup. Maybe 300 grams is a lot. They changed AI Dungeon cause people are dumb. They had an energy system, an actual free-to-play option, you only had to wait when you were out of energy, and most users voted for ads. And now we got silly google ads wasting our time. And even better - I ...

 20.06.2022 Nice day. Slept little at night. Have been feeling incredibly uncomfortable. I wonder why. The pillows. Maybe they're just bad or old. Maybe I need a super light synthetic pillow. And the eye mask - it hurts, for some reason, even when light. At hurts sometimes and then it doesn't hurt other times. Probably something psychological. Woke up and worked, light breakfast, went back to sleep, had cinematic dreams in which I've met some people that I haven't seen for almost ten years. Curious. Correspodent to some of the thoughts I've been having. Should I or should I not? Because I feel no motivation to, except some very slight "awarenesses" that sound more like gaslighting fearmongering. I'm talking about marriage, of course. Please, don't let this post turn into another raving rant. My brain, like a brain of many men in this day and age, isn't quite responsive to the idea of that stuff. Why? A few reasons. Some are okay, some are not. ...

 18.06.2022 Nice day. Woke up early, slept just about enough, worked some. Yesterday I was sleepy all days long cause I woke up early but couldn't go to sleep. Started feeling sleepy during the day. That's about the only interesting thing about yesterday, except, perhaps, how me and my brother played Minecraft yesterday. I made sure to not tell him what happens if you use a bed in the nether, but accidentally mentioned that you can beat the dragon (end game boss) with beds, so he was curious. We're still playing in the dimensions update. This whole week I wanted to continue recording the song, but kept procrastinating/feeling not right. However, it's not the same as procrastinating with learning for school or cleaning the house, for example. Because, just like with weightlifting, performing music requires you to be in the right condition, with enough energy. I think I have good chances to fix my sleep a bit more. I got a few things delivered to me yesterday - a set of ...

 16.06.2022 Nice day. CNS feeling a bit tense. Perhaps I should just force myself to workout early rather than late. Monday was great, but it was only one day. Today I worked some. Felt good. Worked in the evening too. Gonna have a super light workout in about an hour. Work on my pecs and lats, pehaps. Had some coffee. Small amount. Not amping me up too much. Next week is going to be roughly the same as this - DL on monday, pushpress on wendesday. I'd love to master different pushups. I've been feeling quite fragile when I did em last time. Stretch a little bit, is what I would like to do. Different types of pushups. Okay, I think I'm gonna start very soon. Workout Rubber lat pulls - medium 10 - 15 - 20 Some upper body rubber gymnastics for pecs and shoulders Pushups 5 hands low, palms out 5 hands mid chest, palms upwards Set of 15 changing hand positions - low, mid and high, Feeling less creaky, more mobile. Three more sets like this. This felt like enough. I speculate tha...

 15.06.2022 Nice day. Almost didn't sleep at night. Woke up and worked some. Had breakfast. Couldn't go back to sleep for a long time. Woke up at 7 PM (enough with the jokes already!) past meridian nineteen hundreed 19:00 military time in the evening o'clock. It's a forced joke. It's funny enough to me. Sleep was okay, 6/10. Breakfast was okay too, can't rate it. Had some porridge with extra protein powder. Finally, an easy way to consume it, ha ha. Having coffee. Made me wanna poop with just the smell again. 32 grams over 294 grams of water. Today it tastes good. 5/7. Had nice little musical adventures yesterday. Went to finish the SQUE PRS treatment. Ripped off the masking tape, cut and scratched the glue from wrong spots. Now there's a white glue spot in place of the two chips in the binding. Had to be very careful, managed to avoid damaging the fretboard. Cleaned it up a plenty and installed 13-57 Мозеръ strings. They somehow turned out to be much harder...

 13.06.2022 Today's already shaping up to be an interesting day. Slept for a long time yesterday, had some really mighty sleep, since I had nothing to do, tried to sleep this morning but barely, had some work canceled again, tried to sleep but couldn't. My bed has become strangely uncomfortable lately. Perhaps it's a good time to beat the mattress again. Having coffee. The effect seems small, but noticeable. Should be good. Reminding myself that I had enough sleep yesterday. (for today) Makes sense? It has to. Watched the movie "Reminiscence" yesterday. Nice movie. Artistic. Kind of too fast, surprisngly. Typical hollywood "bittersweet ending". It's stereotypical. They should have shown the character to have more motivation to do what he did. I like hugh Jackman. I imagine me and him look a little bit alike. Maybe not. I got significantly wider cheekbones. Big head I have too. I keep wondering if it's cause I was born through a cesarian section. ...

 11.06.2022 Nice day. I sort of fell apart late on thursday. Well, don't wanna remember it. Strange. It was mostly an internal experience, yet somehow it felt worse than a lot of things I experienced in the last few years. It was worse than episodes from march-april last year. So much more intense. I got so tired from it. So fricking tired. And even worse - I seriously couldn't fall asleep after that, even past my normal time, even with an extra dose of melatonin, of which I almost ran out. Hmm. As a result - I slept almost all day yesterday, after working in the first half of the day a little bit. I had some seriously amazing dreams, really good dreams. Funny. Perhaps dreams are meants to compensate of balance out your awake reality? He he. I got issues. There's nothing unusual about that. And I admit to having issues, unlike a lot of people. I am a sinner, and I suffer. I hate and I burn in my own passion. I repent and I suffer some more. But I'm not depressive. I am,...

 09.06.2022 Nice day. Did some work. Had a light breakfast. My psyche isn't in the best place, but very overall. Things happen. Slept a tiny bit at night, then the same during the day. Feels okay. Having 35 grams of coffee over 9 times of that in water. Doesn't taste as great today. Maybe shouldn't have started with chocolate. Don't have a lot of time today, unless I wanna workout at 9. Maybe I do. Is tomorrow a busy day? Not very. I think I'm going to take it slow today. Work out late at night, especially seeing how it's going to be more chill by that time. I dread to imagine the heatwave like the one last year happening again 😂 --- CNS energy kinda low. Really might stick to light stuff today. Putting an "eating sheet" on the wall helped me get my nutrition in better order. I sometimes mark if I had a proper dietary day or not. And it also has marks for drum and guitar practice. I'm thinking of putting the same sheet for song progress. I'd l...