Monday 20th

 20.06.2022

Nice day. Slept little at night. Have been feeling incredibly uncomfortable. I wonder why. The pillows. Maybe they're just bad or old. Maybe I need a super light synthetic pillow. And the eye mask - it hurts, for some reason, even when light. At hurts sometimes and then it doesn't hurt other times. Probably something psychological.

Woke up and worked, light breakfast, went back to sleep, had cinematic dreams in which I've met some people that I haven't seen for almost ten years. Curious. Correspodent to some of the thoughts I've been having. Should I or should I not? Because I feel no motivation to, except some very slight "awarenesses" that sound more like gaslighting fearmongering. I'm talking about marriage, of course. Please, don't let this post turn into another raving rant. My brain, like a brain of many men in this day and age, isn't quite responsive to the idea of that stuff. Why? A few reasons. Some are okay, some are not. Maybe it's evolution. Evolution doesn't explain much in this case, of course. Evolution is more like a plinko game that doesn't let large objects fall to the bottom. All of these thoughts constantly make me question the nature of humanity. I can't find even a semblance of an answer. What makes a human? No answer. All answers are questionable. Best stick with the one that agrees with your axioms. An animal. A developed, evolved animal. A spirit, a soul, a consciousness, and immortal, immaterial being. Those statements don't contradict each other. Atheists and religious people should be arguing about the nature of the immaterial. But then they wouldn't be atheists and religious people - then they would be philosophers, earning for the objective truth. In order to consider yourself a philosopher you have to agree with the axiom of the existense of the objective truth. Or not just just objective, but "ens truth". The existing, truly esixting truth.

Hmm, now a thought like this warrants me putting the "philosophy" tag on this post. I'm a very poor thinker. You have to create to be good at something. Perhaps in order to be good at humanity you have to create people. Closer to humanity. Perhaps being a parent would allow me to understand human nature closer. I've always wanted to understand what makes people do the things they do. A question, not meant to ever be answered in full. Just like an eye can't see itself.

Dimensions are a cool way to imagine understanding objects and subjects. A one-dimensional being can't see in two dimensions, but a two-dimensional being can see it and itself. And then the two-dimensional being can't see the further dimension. But if a two-dimensional plane gets rotated in a three-dimensional world it can grasp an understanding of it. Perhaps we are getting rotated occasionally. And time, by the way, is not a fourth dimension, because it is a temporal dimension, nbot a physical one.

19:34. Pretty late. Today I'm either having an easy all-around session, or some PPs. 5 sets of 4 with 80%. Might be pretty heavy. I'll be going from 112 to 128. Hmm. Sounds semi-reasonable. But I guess I'll prefer to recover some more. Especially considering worsened nutrition in the last few days. Ran out of milk.

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Found some cool bands I forgot about after re-reading this - Rottrevore, Funerabrum and Undergang. Gonna try to download em more systematically this time. Not just random tracks. I wish to understand albums. Of course, listening to preferred tracks on their own makes more sense.

Hope to play guitar a little bit today. Maybe start coming up with lyrics. Maybe print some drum tabs. I think I'm not gonna try to use my old laptop for recording drums. I'm either gonna morve the PC downstairs or move the drums in my room. Moving drums in my room makes so much sense, honestly. The downstairs room in insanely resonant. It definitely added to the flavor of drums on As Yggdrasil EP.

Vk music seems to not be working well once again. Hmm. Can't always be bothering to listen to a lot of music. It takes energy.

So, today's plan is simple - some OHP, some PP and some bench. And then some squats, hopefully not tearing my pecs.
Almost 9 PM. I'll make sure to make myself feel just right and accumulate energy instead of spending it.

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Workout

Light warmup, pressing 7 kg bar, deadlifting and frontsquatting it for tens of reps. A lot of fun.

Slow pushups - ten on my knees, ten normal. Wrists on the floor. I think they're getting more flexible. Then another twenty normal ones, varying the palm rotation. Feels better and better.

Bench

20

60 for 15 my left pec still feels fragile. Not very good. There has to be a technique that doesn't stretch it as much.

90 for 12 - narrowed my grip, feels better. I shouldn't do partial reps even if they feel good. I think the partial reps must have tightened my pec. It's reasonable that it's the left one, because of my unevenness.

110 for 12 felt kinda hard until I remembered that's it's 110 and not 100. Then it felt less hard, haha

120 for 12 nice ans strict, smooth

125 for 9 and dropped one rep after almost locking out - nice, I guess I just am low on specific accumulated energy (for bench). Not a mistake, however - this was an exploratory feat. I needed to know how I'm affected.
Just so I remember - muscle mood is 6/10 (i.e. stored energy levels). CNS - 55/100. Saturday - that was some real all around fatigue, he he.

Unloaded the bar. I really wanted to do some proper accessory work for my overhead lifts. So I did

Front squats

60 - 2 sets of 3

70 - 2 sets of 3

I was holding the bar with the "full grip", not on my shoulders or fingertips, and I managed to make it pleasantly stable. I almost never felt like it was going forward. Stable, perpendicular to gravity.

My heels were on small plates tho, cause I didn't wear weightlifting shoes. And another very interesting tidbit - I was holding my knees to the front, not to the sides. I believe it contributed to stability!

Some more OHP gymnastics with a stick and a 7 kg bar - presses, PPs, jerks, overhead holds, even overhead squat - 3 short sets.
I should try doing more push jerk. It comes naturally to me, or so I think.

Random pic of the day

Nisville Jazz Museum