My training log and thoughts

 29.09.2022 Nice day. Slept okay. Got massively "distracted" last night. Nutrition - less than okay. CNS - compressed, mostly calm. Strained some parts of my back like in the old days when I was a beginner. Stretched them under tension, basically. Had incosistent technique. That's bad. Also, a little bit fatigued after walking and running on the stairs on saturday. I need to walk more. Had two coffees. Having a super light workout today. Workout Rubber pulls 3 sets of 15 - light, using a chance to train the movement of the shoulders going back and forth, unlike in pullups. Also I'm doing some rubber-supported squats - that way it's really easy to get down low and feel the stretch in weaker spots. 1 set of 15 hard Pullups 17 - pretty hard, but okay. Some reps might have not been full. Feels great though. Pecs pumped for some reason 😁 15+1 feels great, a bit stricter Some more rubber supported heel squats, some mild stretching in splits, some rehab work with stepup...

 27.09.2022 It's a rest day. Didn't sleep much. Was a tiny bit nervous at some point, but only a tiny bit. Woke up very easily. Some things are getting better for me. Went to a familiar place in pursuit of my goal and was told I have to go somewhere else, not here. Went home, cause it was late. Now a little tired. Haven't gone out anywhere in a very long time. I've been wanting to do some walking and maybe even running. There's a circle around my house that is almost a perfect kilometer. I really haven't been outside in a long, long time. A lot of things were surprising to me. I was much bigger than I expected. People staring wasn't as annoying. In fact, a surprising amount of ladies stared at me in a way that didn't feel displeasing, hehe. As usual, I get so overstimulated in presence of other people. And the trains. Should have taken my player with me, phone was so quiet. Re-watching American Dad season 16 and apparently I've never seen episode 2. ...

 26.09.2022 Nice day so far. Yesterday I only slept for a couple hours. Getting to the end of Better Call Saul. Today I had the most amazing sleep and dreams. Funny. Kept flying around and meeting interesting characters. Uplifting, subliminal. Great stuff. Decent breakfast as well. About to go downstairs and make "the call". Having coffee. Made a call. They suggested I come over. That's reasonable. I'm still guessing between one and the other option. The second option is more alluring, but definitely seems more serious. I don't have any fear about the actual thing, which is why I'm all sussy about it. I fear I'll start fearing xD Well, I know it's not unlikely, but there are all these things that make me do what I do, and my faith as well. Faith in God and in my people. It is stronger. Thus, I am stronger. Workout Some pushups, some all around moves Bench 20 - 50 - 70 - 80 for 12 100 for 20 okay Pushups - 60 nice enough, almost easy. 60 more later - ha...

 24.09.2022 Nice day. Yesterday was also a nice day, almost. Yesterday was a very smooth day, but I got distracted and went to bed too late after loading my CNS. If I'm gonna go anywhere I really need some fixing up. Today I woke up early, worked, went back to sleep, woke up late. Had a micro breakfast. Had one coffee. Overstuffed it. Having a second one now, at 9 PM. Made sure it's not overstuffed. Tastes a little weird. Statistics. If you're familiar with statistics, then a lot of things - psychologically - become so much easier. I pray to God to direct where I'm headed and not let me stray. Still have a lot of questions and issues, however. It'll be such an upset if I end up doing nothing. Because my life isn't more valuable than lives of my people. I've been trained. Conditioned. All I can hear now is Manowar lyrics. Maybe I don't even need to finish the song and the guitar before I go. Honestly, I could just release the song in a raw form - with one...

 22.09.2022 Nice day. Tonight and this morning I couldn't fall asleep at all whatsoever, despite the fact that I have only had two coffees, and they both were smaller than normal. All the excitement, decisions, etc. Binged Better Call Saul - finishing season 5. After that I'm gonna rewatch House M.D.. Basically, i only slept for a few hours today so far. Worked decently, not trailing off. Got distracted a plenty yesterday, but that somehow doesn't feel that bad. I think this time I wanna avoid doing anything I'll be doing on saturday. Save energy in these muscles, or at least not do the same movements. Today I'm keeping it in. Workout Rubber lat pulls 3 sets of 20 - light 2 sets of 15 - hard ruber. Feels like over 90 kgs in full stretch (it begins to move me). Ring pulls, floor supported 2 sets of 15 - so much harder than rubber, especially for my arms. No idea how to do a gymnastic grip ("false grip"). Or maybe it's cause these rings are very small an...

 21.09.2022 Well, well, well. Perhaps I should have held on to my desire to go on an adventure. Because it's coming back in force. There are different ways to go about it. And now I will not only achieve glory if I go, but also lose respect - from myself, at least - if I don't. Brainwashed? Perhaps. Not quite likely. I was never really an element fitting into conventional civilian society. Sure, I'm able to play a role, be a 'gear' in a complex mechanism. Not very useful, but hey, at least I was rotating the right way, unlike some. And I'm given a choise, merely by fact of my masculinity, to become a bigger gear with sharper teeth, playing an important role in another mechanism, the adjacent one. I have some issues with health. But overall, it's decent, adjustable. I had two episodes of tonillitis a year ago. By my age I should learn to not breathe cold air or nasty fumes. When I had a bronchitis in 2015 it was cause I breathed in a lot of cold air. Will I s...

 19.09.2022 Nice day so far. Sleep - 55/100 (not bad). Nutrition - 7/10, same as CNS recovery. Didn't do much yesterday. Worked today. Had a really nice first coffee, having a second one now. I've been managing to work on my song the whole last week. I swear, at some point I'll be able to work on music faster. I believe that. Not been playing any video gaems. It's weird. I'm an adult, and I have periods when I play games quite obsessively and periods when i don't play anything at all. Been reading a good old philosophy textbook. It blows my mind whenever I try to read anything from there. There's always some curious observations that make me go on a thought tangent. Coffee's making me feel good today. On saturday it didn't. Now I know why - I just didn't get enough sleep. I was eager to start my workout and get it over with. Is such desire a sign of underlying fatigue? Cause normally I like to take a long time having my coffee, doing music stuff,...

 17.09.2022 Nice day. This whole week has been great. Filled with passion. How? I didn't work too hard on monday, but it was satisfying. Wednesday - pretty hard, getting back into DL shape. Thursday - light, saving energy. Desire to go on an adventure going between 20 and 60%. Right now it's at 60. When I woke up it was low. Meaning. Cause most of the jobs out there have very low meaning. Being a tutor is great because language is my hobby. It's stimulating. But if I am changing the world around me - the effect is small. They diagnosed me with "neurosis" when I was in the army. That's not a real diagnosis. Just cause I was speaking slowly when my body temperature was 40º celsius. I spit on that f ric king diagnosis. I'm not nervous and I never fell apart to be completely disfunctional. Of course, when I first heard it and thought of that, my impressionable young brain took it heavily. Don't care now. I began climbing out of my hole in 2018, when I quit...

 15.09.2022 What a great day, yesterday and today. Like the good old "tunnel", except I am not as dreadfully fatigued. I'd like to believe this state comes from engaging in creativity. Just great. I wish I could always be like that. If I want that, I need to take part in everything. Impulsively ordered takeout once again. I'm actually starting to realise it's a waste of money, especially when I look at other creative things I wanna buy and I just keep postponing it. Realistically, I need nothing. I wanted to buy some stuff for arts and crafts, and what feels like a large sum for them somehow does not feel like a large sum for the food. Well, the molecules from the food I bought are still in my organism, participating. So, nothing is futile, in that sense. It's almost 10. Slept little, ate okay (there was enough variety). Worked some. Had one moka coffee. Just one, and it wasn't overstuffed! I'm still naturally high from yesterday. Oh, it's so good....

 14.09.2022 DL plan - 175 for 5, 200 for 5, 210 - 5*5, 200*1 clean single, maybe even overhand. Nice day. Slept very little. Ate a lot before I went to bed, so I had no appetite when I woke up. Tried to call and message some of my clients. Coordination issues. Sometimes people just can't pick a proper time. Understandable. I often think about how humanity evolved to proritise quick decisions over slow, but 100% sure ones. Better be two times faster and 80% sure than two times slower and 99% sure, amirite? He he. Having my second coffee. Or third? Not sure. Can't remember. Today I'm trying to overstuff the moka pot. The taste is awesome, but the brewing process feels dubious. Played guitar a bit. Practicing licks, playing quickly, playing up the neck. I don't gotta play, I gotta write and record lyrics and vocals. I already made a somewhat decent verse. And I have a rough idea for the chorus. I can't believe how much slower my process has become. What is it? Playing ...

 12.09.2022 Nice day. Slept not too much. Had a really good sleep yesterday. Worked. Ate a moderate amount - somehow low appetite. Had carbs. I've been forgetting to eat carbs. Curious. At some point carbs were a base of my diet. Now they aren't. Only porridge, not even rice or pasta. Must get more carbs. Throat keeps being sore. I miss days when I'd be angry every day. How funny. These days were suffering. Now I'm not angry and I am confident. And I am not as passionate. Not in the same way. Had two coffees. Feeling nice. It's already almost 9. Played guitar. Took too long. Gonna bench and squat today. That one day when I did front holds alongside squat I was able to put the bar on my chest correctly, when it was 150. I should try to achieve that again. I know I can. I have fulfilled most of my PP program. Once again, maxing out seems to create problems and burnout. Well, it's not maxing out, it's the last microcycle. It's just weight very close to the ...

 10.09.2022 Kind of a weird day. Slept all day yesterday, even though I got enough sleep at night. I keep wondering if I might be a little ill. It feels like I got water in my right ear. Woke up around 3 AM today. Kept going between watching youtube and trying to sleep. Overall, I was quite excited for today, cause it's PP day. A heavy workout. Today's workout is 65% for 5, 75 for 5, 82 for 2, 90 for 3 sets of 2 and 92 for 1. So it's gonna be roughly 100 for 5, 112 for 5, 122 for 2, 135-140 for 3 sets of 2 and 142 for 1. Feeling sleepy now. My sleep is just a mystery. I wonder if I have something draining my energy from within. I've not been staying up late or playing anything. --- Not as sleepy as I thought. Finishing my second coffee. 16:32. Played guitar a lot. Mostly noodling, some music theory. I think I'm going to write a song using Melodic minor. The root will be on the third fret of the lowest string. That'll make it D once again. How curious. C Minor an...

 08.09.2022 Nice day so far. At night, however, I had an unpleasant nervous breakdown, possibly rooten in physiology of mine, rather than psyche. No wonder, I have taken a seriuos doze of a psychostimulant known as caffeine, and then worked out rather hard. I have a serious tolerance to caffeine right now. Later I prayed to God and came to conclude that my diet might be at fault as well. I get enough calories, but not enough nutrients. Forgetting about things like veggies, porridge and even just carbs. After walking up it was better, even though I was a little exhausted. It got better and better as time went on. Having my first coffee right now. It's gonna be an only one. Today I'll squat some moderate weights downstairs and accumulate energy in my shoulders upstairs. All the light stuff. 9:32. Ready to have my light workout. Workout Squat 20 for 10 50 for 10 70 for 10 feels okay. Some more guitar painting. Fixing mistakes. Adding layers. I hope it's the last bout of painti...

  07.09.2022 Nice day. Lots of various work opportunities coming up. I was quite strained since last saturday, mentally, that is. Now I'm not. My sleep - not perfect, but okay. Nutrition has been 45/100, mostly cause of poor discipline and slight nervous strain. On monday I searched for a free VPN server that I can just use in windows. Found a decent Serbian one. And I actually managed to play GTA Online. It was fun. I did a few missions and made enough money to buy a fun Ultralight plane. Turned out much slower than I hoped. But it was reminiscent of old cartoons to me, somehow. Even did a tiny bit of pvp on a jet. Tried doing missions with this Ultralight, after I upgraded it. It was really hard, but fun. Yesterday I uninstalled it. I played for over a month after starting to watch Better Call Saul. Now I'm finishing season 4. The first three seasons were quite captivating. About family and a man's mind. Then it's more about crime n stuff, like Breaking Bad. Recently ...

 05.09.2022 I wanted to say that are okay, but they just aren't. Overall - they're not too bed. Practically - I'm still being betrayed and mistreated. How? Can't go into details. Or at least I don't feel like it. Will it make me look bad? Yes, because I am not good. Not enough control. Internal conflicts. But, let's just you can't accuse me of doing anything. If I look bad it's because I'm not doing something, rather than doing it. Similar situation occured almost exactly two years ago. Unfairness. It was worse back then. I wasn't as satisfied with some thing in our life, so I was more eager to fight for justice and fairness. This time I didn't bother. I should have. Fowl of the air, I say. Meanwhile, the people on the ground are yelling at me, telling they're gonna shoot me. And I just ignore them, hoping nothing bad is gonna come from them shooting me. It's a parable, just so we're clear, I'm not speaking literally. Yesterda...

 03.09.2022 Nice day overall. I do suspect, however, that someone I care about is genuinely trying to induce my suicide. Well, perhaps it's an overexaggeration. But I'll keep this here, in public access. This person knows me and knows things about me, including some of my vulnerabilities. And seems to be unashamedly exploiting them. Anyway... Yesterday was a very productive day. I woke up early, not being to go sleep, feeling kinda like shit, somewhat okay breakfast - ate the meat I cooked, but somehow skipped the porridge. Despite early wakeup and a seeming lack of sleep I couldn't go back. Worked, while having a coffee. Normally I don't allow myself coffee on rest days. But I felt like shit. Then I had another one, cause I made the first one too weak and didn't finish it. Sometimes I make strange typos. My hands are used to typing some things automatically. Like words that end with "-ion". Instead of, for example, writing "situation" I often fi...

 01.09.2022 Not as nice of a day. Feeling dragged down. Usual baloney. I'm yet to learn to be this different kind of me. Sleep and nutrition are somewhat okay. It's pretty late. I've had one coffee. Hope to be able to have a relatively normal day tomorrow as well. Workout Some upper body stick moves Squat Stick for 10 20 for 10 50 for 10 90 for 8 130 - 3 sets of 5 - nice, feeling energy accumulation. On a day like today, when my sleep wasn't quite perfect, and my nitrtition somewhat disbalanced, and most importantly - some fatigue from yesterday I can feel my cardio working slower. There is less "oil" to move things around, if you will. And I got a little "distracted" as well. What do you know. Overall, I feel nice. Sanded down the paint spills on the neck. Finally washed my varying grit sandpaper. Why didn't I do that before? I did that when I was sanding down the initial finish. Now I'm waiting for it to dry. --- Did some pretty violent san...