September 15th - Light workout

 15.09.2022

What a great day, yesterday and today. Like the good old "tunnel", except I am not as dreadfully fatigued. I'd like to believe this state comes from engaging in creativity. Just great. I wish I could always be like that. If I want that, I need to take part in everything.

Impulsively ordered takeout once again. I'm actually starting to realise it's a waste of money, especially when I look at other creative things I wanna buy and I just keep postponing it. Realistically, I need nothing. I wanted to buy some stuff for arts and crafts, and what feels like a large sum for them somehow does not feel like a large sum for the food. Well, the molecules from the food I bought are still in my organism, participating. So, nothing is futile, in that sense.

It's almost 10. Slept little, ate okay (there was enough variety). Worked some. Had one moka coffee. Just one, and it wasn't overstuffed! I'm still naturally high from yesterday. Oh, it's so good. It's so immensely in contrast to the previous two weeks, even though I shouldn't really complain.

I've played guitar a little. Might record something at night. Just a jam to work on from.
Don't let your jams be lost - make a song from them, if there are good parts.

Today I wanted to do BW squats and some lat work. And I shall work on the guitar and drum a little.

Workout

Squats

BW for 15 reps - 4 sets, experimenting with stick as a bar. Even though it has minimum weight holding it in a front rack position makes me lean forward. That means it's about the way I hold it. It helps to push my arms up as I get up from the squat.

Did some minimal drumming on a pad and bass drum. Figured something out - I figured out how to play quarter note triplets while listening to 4/4 metronome. You gotta listen for when they align - on 1 and 3.

Sanded and lacquered the G310, headstock and body's front and back. Only very light dusting at first, gonna come back and do another very light dusting from fursther away. I wonder if I might be overscratching it now when I'm trying to sand. Used a higher grit paper.

There's plenty of guitar masters around who try to sell their decent guitars at outrageous prices. Reasonable. You're sort of in a luxury goods department when you're a solo guitar builder. Hard to find buyers.

Rubber pulls

3 set of 15 light

1 set of 30 one hand, same band

1 set of 15

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I keep having obsessive thoughts about making a very dubious life decision. Dubious, but glorious to some people.

It started yesterday. First, someone I care about asked me if I'd like to do that. But that'd lead to some issues here, if I were to leave. Maybe even serious issues. And if I were to not come back - even more so.

I've been thinking my CNS won't be able to handle the potential stress of such an endeavor. For many years, that's what I've been thinking. But if I were to go and do it then some problems of my life would be solved. And a lot of bonuses gained. I've been feeling confident for quite a while.

I've had these thought before, but they were merely a fantasy. You'd think a person would go there due to a sensation of unfulfillment. That's a somewhat reasonable asusmtion to make. The work I do definitely provides with some fulfillment, however. I really enjoyed the lesson today, for example.

I've not been wanting to leave my house for a long time. Not even when I needed to. Perhaps my desire to embark on such an adventure is a counter phenomenon to my percieved laziness.

When I decided - and truse, I simply did not have to do it - to serve a normal year in the army I did out when I gave up on education. Something about going to the university was stressful. It created an unpleasant complex in my brain. That happens when you procrastinate.

I am an extreme man - or so I'd like to think of myself. Strongman sport is called "strength extreme" in here. Metal is an extreme genre. My brain and it's balances are extreme, to some degrees.

And they say that the problems that I have encountered before won't be present there. The only thing I'll have to worry about is natural stress. I wanted to feel fulfillment from the army. Perhaps that's one of the reasons I didn't want to leave when I got my knee operation.

I wish I didn't want that. I wish I didn't want to do that. But I just do. And I'm afraid I'll do it. Confusing. As always. Internal conflict. Beautiful lyrical theme.

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I'm too optimistic and naive. I can't allow myself that. I'd rather be a donkey than a horse. The horse will fall of a cliff with the rider. The donkey won't come close.

And I was naive before. Those "issues" are dedinitely still real. If I really want to prove myself and go one some kind of adventure I should consider something that old people desperate for money don't choose to do.

Maybe I should eat some soy, ha ha. Before I go hunting windmills. Well, I keep going in between stages. It's funny.

Anyway, today was a nice day. Lots of pointless rambling.