My training log and thoughts

 30.01.2023 Nice day. I've gotten a bit more sleep, unstrained my CNS. That's not fun to relax. It's just not my modus. Strange hearing from someone like me. I like to have active fun, but I like to do it my own way. Keeping up my positive doctrine somewhat succesfully. I've noticed I treat people better and don't have such a strong reaction. Just smile. If you don't feel like smiling - make a grimace making fun of the whole concept of smiling to cheer yourself up. He he. Post irony. Endless layers of irony effectively removing irony and turning it into conflict. But, there is no conflict. I am genuine smiling even when I force myself to it. It just looks a little different. It feels different from genuinely feeling good normally. But it does feel good. Thank God for that. ~~~ Last monday I did squats that were strenuous for my wrist and elbows. Low bar back squat. Not very low, but right on my rear delts. As low as possible before you look ridicuous. The way I...

 27.01.2023 Well, to me it's still friday, but technically it's already 28th. I wanna write some stuff about FO4. Didn't have much energy for describing things earlier on thursday. I've been playing around in NAI more. I tried out their module-training feature - the universes update that AID still hasn't got :( What do you know, NAI guys are better businessmen or something. Smart guys. No wonder they had so much internal drama when they started out. It's been two years for them! Almost two years by now. And I've been there at the start. FO4 has sort of a lacking dialogue system. Those are the demands of the modern day era - can't just use text anymore. Gotta have everything voiced and acted. GTA solves this issue by forcing you to listen to dialogues as you drive. Simple gameplay. 28.01.2023 Nice day. Not much. Little but enough food, little sleep, some work done. Thoughts slow, sort of. Might wanna indulge myself at some point soon. With additional slee...

 26.01.2022 Nice day. Could not sleep. Caffeine did not crash me, somehow, but waned away slowly and gently, perhaps? No explanation. Only to be expected. Leave this stimulus for later, for saturday. I might write more then. Enjoying my time, doing what I normally do, thinking sociology today. That's an attempt at reminding myself about what I was thinking when I re-read this in the future. Today's a light workout. Not crucial, but significantly more important than it might seem. Energy upkeep. Thinking squats, lats, curls. Light. Workout Light lower body warmup - squat variations Squat 3 sets of 20 - BW - very easy, feels good Rubber lat pulls 3 sets for many reps - feeling the burn. Light rubber. One arm high curls with the same rubber 2 sets of 15 - pretty hard. Using a stick as a handle, additional forearm involement as I stabilize it evenly (the rubber is on the sides). Arms pumped. I should really do more stuff like this for all muscles. Well, thank God my primary exercis...

 25.01.2023 Nice day. On monday I created another savegame in FO4 Survival. This time I turned off as many mods as possible, leaving only some of my favorites. I'm gonna get all settlements and establish a proper caravan network - that's the plan, at least. My build in it is really unoptimized - low endurance/health, low agility and luck, high strength, average everything else. My typical flavor-rp build, thinking it's closer to me. Playing rifleman mostly, after getting the hunting rifle with good mods, then getting better mods and replacing them, then getting a legendary hunting riflt with "never ending" effect. A lot of things were so unreasonably hard, especially since I was using vanilla weapons. Mod weapons kind of ruin survival experience, imho. Get them after you're level 50. And don't get OP weapons, like Overseer's Guardian and Pray n' Spray. If you wanna have a "fun" Survival mode playthrough - just don't get them xD It was...

 23.01.2022 Un-privated all of the videos on Sparkfinger channel again. Hmm. Somehow, that fills me with positivity. Having coffee. My brain is pretty full right now. Now as full as it was on saturday, but close. Last night I was playing FO4 Sim Settlements 2 again. Did a lot of stuff. It's a shame how much easier Survival mode becomes after, like, twenty hours in. Too damn easy. To be fair, I am using weapons from a mod, and those are notoriously OP, as per usual. Which one is it, let me check... It's "Rifles Rebirth", I remembered. It is, honestly, a pretty great mod, even though *sometimes* the guns look a little out of place, mostly due to color scheme. Too bright. But overall, it is a really well done lore-enough-friendly mod. The names of the guns are lame abbreviations, however. Not easy to remember. I did so many things in the game. Most notably, I changed the difficulty to near impossible by changing the "resource complexity" to most complex. Normal...

 21.01.2023 My brain is so juicy and full and engorged from all the succesful sleeping I've been doing. How is that possible? 10 mg melatonin tablets, cause they were selling it cheaper than other stuff. Yesterday I also slept late. But I worked during the day. And then went back to bed. Played RDR2 for the first time. Definitely captivating. But I only played/watched the start. As expected, it's even more like a movie. You don't even have to keep control of what's happening all the time. I wish I had a bigger monitor for a game like that. But the one I have is good enough. It just is. Did I mention I had to fiddle with my graphics card driver for quite a while? It keeps breaking for me from time to time. I think I need version 22.11 or something. American formatting made me install an older version. Month before day, or the other way around. He he. And it's confusing that 22.11 is more than 22.5. That's not math. He he he. Brain super full. Easily aroused. Not ...

 19.01.2022 Yesterday I got my delivery of melatonin and verious other supplemets. These new pills have 10 mgs. Got a lot of very satisfying sleep. Thankfully, I had time. I feel so well rested. Haven't felt like in a long time. My brain is nice and wet and full of various juices. It feels pump like a muscle, but not strained. Isn't that great? Makes me wonder. Ate very little. Not right. My workout yesterday was really heavy. And I am still supposed to do at least something today. Had a cup of nice instant coffee. Gotta have one more, I guess. It's low on caffeine. Fiddled around on my phone to acquire a new Steam account. Finally managed it. Bought myself RDR2. Funny how Chrome is worse than I expected it to be. Had to install Opera so I could register a new account on my phone. Because getting a custom VPN on PC is quite a headache. It's smooth sailing now, I guess. I wanted to buy some Creation Club stuff in FO4. Hmm... That, however, is not possible for some reason...

 18.01.2022 Nice day. Things are getting better. I am at peace, or so I hope. The doctrine of positive anabolism is still on my mind. In the west, the word "anabolism" is associated only with roid, but not in here. Here, anabolism is closer to it's dictionary definion - that being growth, without any filthy implication. Anabolism is increased by better better sleep and food, and triggered by working out. Coffee. Coffee has to be a part of the workout. I wouldn't recommend being too distracted when you consume this lovely stimulant. Important to think of what you're gonna do. But don't start "burning up" just yet. Don't listen to music and headbang before the workout. Leave it for after you've done a nice set. Then it's alright. Then your energy is already being released. ~~~ My sleep has been somewhat poor ever since I ran out of melatonin. Makes you wonder, ha ha. It was nice tonight. Slept from roughly 10 PM to 5 AM. Then I woke up, had...

 16.01.2022 Nice day. A little better. It's better. The quality of my sleep has gone down significantly ever since I ran out of melatonin. Who would have expected, ha ha. Well, at least it's easier to fall asleep. But my sleep has been unpleasantly shallow (not deep). Feverish dreams in my mind. Some of them nice, most not. Had a nice breakfast, helped my brother do his homework. He's got an ill ear, like I used to get every year as a kid. Stayed at home today. I managed to get some of the aforementioned fewerish sleep, which eventually turned into decent deep concrete sleep, even though I kept being disturbed by various calls, including scamming info-gatherers, and, to my pleasant surprise, another client. This new task, helping with a slightly older kid - might be complex, but if he turns out to be diligent then it'll be so easy. It's a matter of structuring the learning process, when you're preparing for something. Today I feel above mediocre, which is great ...

 15.01.2022 Kind of a nice day, if I was left in peace. I wasn't. I struggled and I broke for a second. Then more unexpected things happened. Tempted to write everything. But who cares? I mean, I care. I do reread my own blog. But I'd like to forget today. And I also have a few things to rectify. Nutrition - slightly above mediocre. Sleep - poor, very poor. Did not have any deep sleep at all. Why can't you leave me in peace? I suffer and you know it. Now it's 19:47. I met my grandma and we had some instant bushido coffee, the one I bought on december 21st, instant Bushido red, it's good. Made one moka and decided to even out the caffeine by having it all in one cup with some sugar and tried a bit of lemon. Quite experimental! I want to workout today. Oh man, if only I slept well and was left in peace. I'd be halfway to a normal state of mind. But I guess I wasn't. Things like that have to happen sometimes. Because I am something like a human. I shall squat f...

 14.01.2023 Moderately nice day. Did not sleep at night. Worked. Was bothered inside of my head as something was happening around me. Had a nice small breakfast. Fell asleep again. Woke up late. It's saturday. Made a classic pot coffee - 31 grams x 8 times water (248 grams). Tastes nice. You often want something with it (I know, what a poser). I've been having gummy bears and milky ways. It's probably some kind of comfort dessert for me, rooted with memories in my childhood. Gosh, I'm such a pansy. How the heck am I even alive. In the mood to feel bad, but I'm not. Just feeling messy inside of my head. Not too messy. Agh. That's about it. Why do I like talking about my mood so much? I am boring. I am boring person. And other people are boring to me. The secret to not being bored is not in people, but in things that people do. You are most likely not interested in a girl because you wanna be friends with her and find out what she thinks. Isn't it the case? I ...

 12.01.2023 Nice day. Slept little, but don't feel bad. Worked, had a small breakfast, two small portions of pot brewed coffee, one once ground, second - double ground. I am fostering an idea of starting another playthrough in FO4 and seeing if I can beat SS2 without bugs (and extra mods) in simple survival. See if the caravan network will be fixed. It'll be very hard, on early levels that is. Hmm. He he. It's pretty late. I'm having a light workout. Yesterday was awesome. Now it's close to midnight. This monday I made an impulsive decision to check out NovelAI once again. I was there, he he. When it all started. I took part as a member of the cummunity. I had mixed feeling, I admit. But I definitely had a lot of positive feelings too. I just wasn't on board with people who suddenly hated AI Dungeon for what the developers did. And I am still heartbroken at a loss of GPT3. If only we knew the exact point when we were gonna lose it. Workout All around warmup Squa...

 11.01.2023 I don't feel so great today. Feel negative. The flesh is bearing down. We all want things. I wish I never wanted anything. Having to deal with other people who want things is spirit crushing to an idealist like me. Just like ten years ago, I want to disippate in air, just disappear and live freely. But there's no freedom from our nature. Greed. desire to be treated fairly or better than the rest. That's pro0blematic with people care about. And there's also a small amount of people that I don't care about that are somehow present in my life. There's negativity. Formless. It's formless right now. Man, I should not have had so much coffee on monday. That was a mistake. It's 19:25 at the moment. I just finished having my first coffee. The last 22 grams of bushido red arabica, double ground. Tastes nice. Energy low. The social fucking shit just fucking drains me so much. I wish I never saw or heard anyone when I realise how much it drains me. It...

 09.01.2023 Nice day. Sleep - decent, not long. Food - didn't feel hungry, small one. Bought a large bag of arabica. Makes sense to buy in bulk since I'm not going anywhere (hopefully). Had two mokas already. Tastes great. I realised double grinding works really well for moka. And I found an optimal number for this coffee - 22 grams. Doing some normie stuff online. Writing comments, making memes. Checking reddit. I'm glad reddit isn't as cancer as many other places on the internet. It's not as cancer as [redacted] or even as Quora. See, Quora isn't as bad as [redacted] because it wasn't redacted. He he. But it's still kinda awful. And yet, I had such good time there, mostly talking about music and music stuff. Third coffee. This time the new one, cause I wanted to taste it. A little more dense. I stuffed a bit more than 22 this time, he he. Darker taste, more intense. Than Bushido red. I'm kind of a slowpoke. I bought 80/20 arabica/robusta. Oh well. ...

 07.01.2022 Nice day. Decent sleep and nutrition. Yesterday, however, was quite miserable. Almost no sleep, inflamed throat and ear, sick stomach, very cold in the house. Later it got warmer, thankfully. At night played FO4 and was upset to find out that the HQ portion of Sim Settlements is pure unnecessary jank overfilled with bugs. Oh well. On to using console and finishing it as quickly as possible while trying to understand what is wrong. Having my second coffee. This time - classic, brewed in a pot. 28 grams of arabica (bushido red), ground two times with my coarse grinder, and 248 grams of hot (not boiling) water, pour it in and place on a stove, keep it there until it's almost about to start boil. Now to taste the first sip. Really had to wash the pot, it's kept in a spot where all the kitchen grime collects. Not too smart. Taste? Not bad, I guess. Defeinitely more subtle and watery than moka. At least 6/10 I'd rate it. Of course, caffeine is the main ingredient. My...

 05.01.2022 Nice day. Pretty fatigued after yesterday. After a workout like that you simply can't relax for quite a while. Very late. Had a small breakfast and a cup of nice instant coffee. Now I'm having one portion of moka. Gonna do some squats today. Thinking of doing 100 for 10 front squats. Shouldn't be too complicated. And some light work for something else, like rubber pulls, but not narrow grip. I feel like I may be more interested in doing wide grip for shoulder flexibility. Workout Little warmup Squat 10 - 10 bw 16 for 10 goblet squat 32 for 10 same Front squat 20 for 10 50 for 10 70 - 2 sets of 5 Held onto straps that I put in the bar. This makes it a little harder, hopefully better for olympic stretching. Used flat soles today, no weightlifting shoes. Perhaps my body is more in favor of this style of squat (high bar, not low bar).

 04.01.2023 Nice day. Dark dreams. Slept hard, woke up late, deecent medium-sized breakfast, mood above average, thankfully. Wanna play drums today for the first time in a while. I used to be upset at my lack of playing. It's 8 PM, and I finished my first coffee. Played a lot of FO4 yesterday. Before yesterday I managed to finally beat that quest where you take over the GNN in Sim Settlements 2. It was very hard - I kept exploding because I didn't use the right console command to break through the bug. Before the battle, you have an option to wait til the night and there's a loading screen. If you use it - you get locked, can't even enter the main menu. Use have to use the console command - SetStage SS2C2_Sirick_MQ22 150, then the same but with 160 when you're in the screen (quickly). Then you can break through this bug. It was fun. Even at level 140 Survival makes it challenging. Possibly even more challenging, because some of the enemies scale with your level whil...