My training log and thoughts

 30.08.2025 IMPORTANT Squat thought - IN BENCH I don't "put" the bar on my chest, I don't RELAX with the bar on my chest; when I do a pause, I'm hovering an inch above it, max control. WHAT IF I did the same in SQUAT? Squat Warmup - some, little 20 for 20 70 for 5 120 for 3 150 for 3 wraps underknee - some minor pain under right knee 180 for 3 wraps underknee, a little tighter - some minor pain above left knee 180 for 3 wraps under and over, two loops each - no pain. HERE is when I came up with the IDEA of NOT "resting" in the hole, or bouncing through it. Bounce can be good, sure, and "resting" in the hole might have some application for weightlifting or such; however when it comes to strictly developing your strength and ability to move the bar in Squat I believe it's reasonable to NOT pause! In DL you never ever CAN rest... Isn't that interesting ? 180 for 3 same wraps - very good, applying those principles. Easiest set today. Coinci...

 29.08.2025 Sitting downstairs having my third coffe I ended up reading Suttree out loud, fixing my voice step by step. My reading comprehension is better hwen I'm trying to narrate things. My intonation is bad, but it got better. I had a bad throat since DL but iot's gotten it fixed! Also been writing and participating in culture war. Hear what happened in Minnesota? Sad times. Somehow this one might be the camel that broke the back's straw. Wroktou This one's oldschool today. Just random lifting! But not singles, not maxing out. Overhead press 20 and 30 60 and 80 100 for 3 100 for 5 100 for 8 - lovely, better than previous two sets, much stricter and controlled. No belt! Cause little do you know it's a hindrance if you got a stiff enough back and BELLY and mobile hips. My ass sure was flexing here! Bench press 60 - funny stuff, when I got my angles together it tfelt like I'm wearing a bench shirt, that's how stiff I am 60 for some more reps 110 for some re...

 28.08.2025 I had a workout on Monday too, but it was a really really bad one. At least I was writing that day, that was good. I've had sleep issues that day. Today is somewhat okay. DL takes a heavy toll, but I am really happy with the workout. Writing just a little today. Workout Rubber curls 100 reps light rubber 50 reps from the bar, one arm One arm curls 6 kg db for 15 6+6 for 15 16 kg kettlebell for 15 - elbow feels a little wrong, decided to stop here Rubber curls, one arm Double folded old red band from the bar for 3 sets of 20 Rubber lat pulls Red band for 2 sets Hangs - many sets, focusing on gentle stretching

 27.08.2025 Today'll be a good one. I'm not stopping! Workout Deadlift 20 - 70 160 for 4 200 for 4 and a half - tiny PR 😁 I did three reps, one lame half rep and one kinda bad full rep 240 for 4 - two mixed grip, two with straps. Still warming up! 240 for 4 much better, quick and easy. Eventually I will learn to do it always!.. 240 for 4 - same, with added difficulty: I did the reverse mixed grip on first three reps until I let go of it and it hurt too much, then straps. It's so easy! 240 for 4 - one mixed, three in straps. I love it. But I miss the OHP so much! 😢 I wanna press! I do want big bench too though... But that's a goal, not a desire! I will press! On the next session. 270 for 1 nice, easy, mixed grip 270 for 1 better 270 for 1 not as easy as the previous ones... I think I might have taken a slightly too narrow grip. It shot off the floor and was kinda slow then. Going back to normal on the next... 270 for 1 way better. I wouldn't say it flew up cause I ...

 24.08.2025 Lovely day. Not even nice, lovely. Woke up way too early after feeling sickly yesterday. I got some sort of mini-cold, it feels like, but also it's possible it was just in my head. Also it's possible that the heavy CNS load from DL impacted me. Been eating mostly just meat, ground meat. Had a coffee around 10 am today and knocked me the heck out. Fell asleep, woke up at 1 pm energized. Started having more coffee. This time it didn't knock me out. Had fun, read Suttree, a lot of fun. Have I mentioned I finished House of Leaves? This book is more sad than anything. Not depressing, just sad - you allow yourself to relate to characters. Not very immersive, but good enough to feel something. Sadly not as mysterious as I hoped. Too many "bright spots", not enough shadowplay. Not enough confusion. But it is raw, which is good. It's a gen x book. Workout Warmup - some, doing the gymnastic-style variations of pushups... I'm realizing now that there'...

 21.08.2025 Deadlift 20 - 70 - 120 - 160 200 for 2 overhand 230 for 2 - really taking my time here. Attempted an overhand rep before these 2, got it off the floor. 250 for 3 - slow, breathing, working on that cranial pressure 270 for 1 not bad, pretty casual but with enough effort By the way, today's the final session of the 4th microcycle of my New Program. It's been about 3 months now I've been following it... Not bad I gotta say. Got some results. 275 for 1 hard, but speed was good. This is the first working set. 275 for 1 hard but moved fast... Stood one cm further back... It's one of those small tweaks I tend to do... 278 for 1 not bad, pretty easy 280,5 for 1 - too slow for my liking, but the movement was smooth 280,5 for 1 - better, faster, was feeling good. Need longer rest 283 for 1 - hard but smooth, pretty fast 285,5 for 1 - hard but good speed 288 for 1 - hard, slow but smooth, with only a minor speed change as I passed my knees. And it wasn't *that* slo...

 18.08.2025 Nice day. Slept sweetly, could barely force myself to wake up - the room was warm and it was raining outside. That pasta I made provided energy. Coffee turned out okay - one conventional 40/480 and one messy moka that tasted really nice somehow. You have to fully crank the pot or it pops. But if you fully crank it it breaks off the thread. Workout Not feeling highly energetic I admit, but feeling good. Took me a while. Ribs have been hurting a lot. Bench 20 - 50 - 50 - 100 120 for 5 130 for 5 with reverse rubbers - so it's 122 at the bottom. Feels good 140 for 5 same, rubbers 140 for 5 great, focusing on not pulling my scapulas too much, rubbers 140 for 5 good, without rubbers. The rubbers seems to be a nice way to warm up even slower. I'm glad about it today. I have a lot more mobility than I think I do. I'm realizing you may not want to fully pull back your shoulders, not to an absolute degree. I'm pretty sure Julius Maddox doesn't. He's huge, that...

 17.08.2025 Again, technically 18th already - after midnight. Sleep is weird again, no big deal though. The body seems to want to reset itself. Not like it used to be! Curls / flys superset 6 kg dbs - 3 sets of 15 One arm curls / sort of a fly with 16 kg kettlebell - lowering it in front to 90 degrees or less, with kettlebell on the forearm 1 set of 10 - switching hands after 5 reps in each exercise 2 sets - 15 curls / 10 flys 1 set of 15 each Nice pump. Feels enough. Ribs have been hurting a lot. Deadlift is the main culprit, I presume. It's possible it's just microcracks or something. Bed is a contributing factor. Uneven bed. It feels more uneven now, more than it used to be. It'd honestly be a smart decision to get rid of it at this point. After the DL session I really felt like my back was killed. It wasn't tweaked like last time, tweak is close to hurt. But the overall fatigue, overall muscle damage was huge. I still feel it pretty well as I'm trying to warm up...

 15.08.2025 Kinda nice day. Yesterday was nice too, save for some minor distractions. Been eating not too much, sleep has been a little uneven. I think I've gathered enough non-self-contradicting gusto to try and go ahead and do something on my own with that problem of mine. Thank you for your prayers! Thank God, always. Workout Deadlift 20 for 10 70 for 10 120 for 8 accelerating it a lot 160 for 3 200 for 3 - I've done the most powerful and confident 200 for 3 overhand grip I've ever done. With small breaks though! Heh. 230 for 3 250 for 3 - I'm really lazy, I have to admit; I'm lifting it wayyy too casually, not generating effort properly! You know what I'm happy about though? How this 250 doesn't STRAIN me at all. It's easy on the tissues right now! 250 for 3 better, first set done with mixed grip after what feels like a long time 250 for 3 not bad, going up easy but not flying up you could say - well, I'm not trying to go for speed or something, ...

 13.08.2025 Technically already 14th. Nice day! Third day of having my mind stimulated - been reading House of Leaves, interesting, no spoilers. I really hope there is NO interview with the author... Don't wanna have stuff ruined, my ideas. Had one 40/480 nice conventional, one instant coffee, talked about how humans are "beings" rather than "programs" or "apps" - we're the ones who make apps, that's how you gotta see us. Just a detour, a reminder... Managing to write nicely, as well as rewriting a lot of stuff again and again and again, new ideas, focusing. Mostly just poor phrasing. This House of Leaves sometimes makes me feel like it sort of limits my vocabulary, hammers in; it sounds to me too much like how I think. I'm dumber of course, not that it matter; that's why I say I feel rather than think or know or even believe, a level of speculative uncertainty, one of my biggest Socratic problems that makes me look non-solid - well, fu...

 12.08.2025 Nice day yesterday, messy but lovely. Reading, writing, watching shows, brain was stimulated. Similar today. Workout Warmup - long, upper and lower body, took time to un-tweak my back, loosen the lower body just the right amount Overhead press - sets of 10 40 - 50 - 60 - 70 Squat - sets of 10 40 - 70 - 80 - 90 Bench press - sets of 10 with reverse rubber bands 70 - 90 - 100 - 110 The rubber bands take off almost exactly 8 kgs on chest and around 4 kgs at the top. It was fun! And also I didn't hurt myself, although it felt like I was close. A thing that I tried today and I think helped me was actually unracking the bar with wrists bent back and raising my neck - raising my neck really helped me reduce excessive tension around my pecs, at least that's how it felt. I was prudent today and started preparing food in advance. Gonna have a nice meat and potatoes stew. I should do light barbell exercises more often. Squat felt good today, especially in retrospect, comparing...

 10.08.2025 I really want to write. It's late, but not too late. I need to free myself. Unburden, forget. Forget everything except things I cannot forget. That can be done. Important things, painful ones too. But the workout. It might not be a perfect day for it. But it's a good day. And I actually have a semi-easy workout planned. Sometimes doing more work is better than doing less. I feel very confident about today. I will be going downstairs and working out. Last Friday was a bit of a pause. Annoying. But I dealt with it. It's been dealt with. I'm better, even if there are still things to consider. Cycles. It keeps moving, circling. It feels like fate. Workout Deadlift 20 - 70 - 120 160 for 5 - not bothering about specific numbers but more about feeling it today 200 for 1 and a half - one very bad overhand rep (cause I gripped it wrong), one very good one 230 for 1 and a half - whimsy tried hook grip, can't do it yet, not without dedicating some time to it, one s...

 08.08.2025 Nice day. I'm fucking tortured, really exhausted. Was going crazy yesterday, it was even worse, but my brain opened the floodgates of something and I got some relief. I got freed. I'm hyperfocusing on the wrong things. It's another fucking scab that I keep tearing off. I keep touchign that fucking scar on my shin and I feel fucking retarded. Just cause I kept scabbign it. But I couldn't not do it. Fuck me. Workout Very nice warmup, utilizing that new thin band I bought Bench press 20 - 40 - 70 80 - 90 - 100 - 110 - 120 - 130 for 3 140 for 2 freaking pec tweak, but a tiny one Took off my undershirt - it is still too hot for it. I figured having an overly hot body might be contributing to my pec tweaks 150 for 3 - done as 1 + 2 - not bad, only very minor, barely noticeable pain; I had to take a break not because of pain but because I set up weird. But the pain told I should be more careful. So I quickly unloaded the back and cleaned and racked the 70 kg bar. N...

 06.08.2025 Woke up feeling good and sharp today. Residual CNS hardening from yesterday! I just know it *is* possible to ride this wave, stay functional without crashing. It takes a lot of discipline. Sometimes I can enter this groove and I stay in it for weeks until I overtrain... If only I could enter it again, heh heh! Wasn't sure what to do today - bench, ohp, squat? Ended up spending some time writing. Decided to settle on a light-iss accessory workout. Workout Rubber pulls - a couple green ones I purchased recently 30, 40, 50 Parallel grip pullups on the street - 1 set of 15 Chinups - 1 set of 15 Pullups were not very strict, but decently powerful. I weigh over 110 kgs now. Curls 6 kg dbs - 2 set of 40 short reps in a peculiar leaning forward technique, elbows forward too. Sort of like I'm trying to pick up a solid object; I can feel my biceps way better that way. 16 kg kettlebell - 2 set of 40 - similar manner, really fun exercise, you can sort of juggle the kettlebell. ...

 05.08.2025 Really nice day. Enjoyed my first coffee - conventional 40/480, then the second one - a moka, managed to avoid any mishaps, a successful rare brew. Feeling good honestly. I keep looking super big in the mirror. Not sure how it's gonna go tonight. I really wanna write, but I'm writing through a hard part right now. Sort of have to devote a lot of attention to something that doesn't interest me quite as much, but I know there's a lot of depth in there. Workout Warmup 20 for 10 70 for 10 lowering smoothly... There can be some benefit to doing it, some additional CNS control. 120 for 5 160 for 5 200 for 3 - the first rep was the easiest overhand rep I've ever done. About the same for second, and on third one I changed it slightly and grasped it deeper, including my base-knuckle calluses - it was good enough to walk back and rack the bar. I gotta tell you, the first rep was so amazingly easy I did a double take. Couldn't believe it's 200! It's got...

 01.08.2025 Nice day, really nice. Yesterday wasn't nice but it ended up okay. I ordered takeout for the first time in a long time. A great amount of food. It cost as much as 8 kgs of pork. I ate it all and was hungry this morning. Japanese, sushi. I ate it all on my own and watched anime, cause that seemed fitting for the moment, lol. Today's the second session in the last microcycle of our "New Program". 270 for 3 sets of 3 and some extra volume. Should be hard! It's pouring. I'm listening to jazz on the speakers and enjoying writing. I had a couple instant coffee cups today so far and one moka. Finished it just now. It's not enough. Workout deadlift 20 for 10 70 for 10 120 for 5 163 for 5 203 for 5 kinda bad technique, weird 233 for 2 done as 1+1 - obviously, I could have done a lot with this weight if I pushed myself, but I came to realize I'm really tired and my CNS is seriously fatigued... And I did have a kind of a serious and very nice squat wo...