My training log and thoughts

 31.10.2022 Nice day. Feeling a little ill. Sleeping too much. Woke up late, worked, had my micro breakfast with coffee right away. Gonna keep it light and satisfying today. Tomorrow I'm gonna go somewhere. Called that place where I was gonna go. They told me they ain't doing what I want right now. I figured another way and created an application online. Having my second coffee. I guess I have a free-er day tomorrow. That's good, cause I'm still frickin ill. A little. My neck is stiff cause I slept on my side again, before yesterday. I wonder why that happens. I've been thinking. What about "rational thinking" and going where I wanna go? What about my long lost father? I gotta go. Can't not go. It's a struggle. I know I'll wanna damn everything to hell and leave if I go. Animal nature. It's a challenge. Take part in the future. Earn your glory. Through the fire and flames. Did I mention I deleted Skyrim after I screwed up my mod load order?...

 29.10.2022 Nice day. Woke up very early, worked, went back to sleep, woke up later, gave another lesson, went back to sleep, woke up close to 7 PM, not feeling great. My sneezing has returned. Ate a little bit. Ended up helping my little brother with his homework and then palying guitar as he drew something. Now it's late again. 10 PM. I'm halfway through my second coffee. My shoulder is better, I think. Very light workout today, however. If the bench really was my injurer then I'm surpised it hasn't gotten much worse since last workout. It's been less than great, but overall not too bad. Only a little bit of pain. I think it might be in my interests to to train my back as well today. And let's be real - you can't have lower body strength if you don't do squat regularly. I would so love to do some today. Been playing Skyrim. Yesterday was a really low day, energy wise. I was forced to cancel everything. Very low energy. Didn't even want to play Skyr...

 27.10.2022 Nice day. Generally okay. Shoulder hurts, but not as intensively. Had a nice night of sleep. Intense dreams, visual, involving music, elements that make it look like a movie. Moderate breakfast, finishing yesterday's breakfast. Too much fat in it, it satiates me very quickly. Thinking about my life. I realise that to a small select group of people I may look like an artist who makes music. And I don't feel like that atm. But, well, I don't not feel like that either. As you can see from my words, I have a rather mediocre intellect. I've been thinking about intellect, wisdom and education. You have information, various amounts of it. Education is formalised information. It might help you develop intellect, which is an ability to manipulate information within your ratio. I realise now I use the word "ratio" in my own developed meaning, similar to russian "разум". I am so cringe, ha ha. I'll keep writing in english, it my hobby and it sti...

 26.10.2022 Nice day. Slept not too much, decent breakfast. CNS feeling somewhat okay. Nice coffee. Shoulder joint hurts, hips hurt. Don't know why. Don't know what to do. I speculate it might be my small pillow that I've started using (for the shoulder, at least). Had two coffees. Contemplating going on an adventure - even without caffeine. When this joint pain ends. Usually it takes a couple weeks, at minimum, after a minor injury. Conficted, obviously. Strong pulls in different directions. Life is different now, compared to a year ago, for example. Thankfully, time has slowed down in a nice way. I really don't like AI art anymore. Awful simulacrum. It was very fascinating at first, of course. But now I hate it intensely. Having my third coffee. I'm gonna be pretty late again. I realised, by the way, that the porcelain cup makes the coffee much more bitter. It's strongly seasoned. So now I'm drinking it from the glass cup. --- 9 PM. Fell into a trap of set...

 24.10.2022 Feeling weird. My dreams have been strangely awesome. Way too awesome. Very intense. A lot of flying, as per usual. Perhaps I should try to fly in real life. On a plane, that is. Maybe not. Hands are shaky. Nice day today. Slept at night and in the morning. Gave lessons. Had a nice breakfast. Started having coffee. Have been experencing intense joint paint in a variety of places. I think it's not from bench press. It's from me lying on my side. Just crushing my arm and cutting bloodflow. Weird. Must related to the season as well. Also, sneezing way too much. Might have some weak respiratory disease. Played guitar. A variety of things. My SQOE is tuned to D Standard, so I played Death on the Ice Lake for a while. Then I picked up my SG and came to conclude that it has much better, stronger pickups. Well, SQOE's pickups are easier to control, tighter sound, you could argue, which is not that bad. But SG creates and enjoyable sound for real. Also, I got delivered a...

 22.10.2022 Kind of a nice day. Woke up, worked, slept some more. Left side of my body loses circulation because of the mattress - I assume. It's higher than the right side. Been feeling uncomfortable. A little, uhm, sad, I guess. Conventional reasons. Not a big deal, of course, it's just I don't have a lot of excitement in me today. In a way, it's good. Why? Well, a few reasons. That means there's gonna be a burst of energy in the near future, and if I time it right I'm gonna have a nice workout. Today I'm gonna have a nice workout as well, seeing how my recovery is at a decent level. --- Almost 9 PM again. I should consider training earlier. Today's plan is PP - 90 for 5, 100 for 5, 115 - 4 sets of 5. After some relatively heavy OHP. Should be nice. Workout Some all-around warmup. Overhead press 20 50 for 8 70 for 5 - not feeling great. I have a feeling that bench on thursday has fatigued me more than I'd like. Left shoulder joint frail. Invasive t...

 20.10.2022 Nice day. Wasn't very hungry. Decent sleep. Intense dreams. Worked, ate, waited, having coffee, playing guitar, hanging out with my little brother. One lesson got cancelled. Helping him do his homework. Having my second coffee. Upset about something - hopefully minor, not sure if real. Don't like to be abused. Paranoid? I don't think so. There's a lot of debt unpaid... in blood. Anyway, I bought a new coffee - Bushido, this time a small bag cause it wasn't that overpriced. I thinkn buying coffee in small bags is a good choice, cause you really get bored of the same taste. Thus, the coffee feels spoiled before it's actually spoiled. My bag of robusta is seasoned. I'm glad I don't have a gun, I would have fucking shot myself on impulse. Pardon. All thye other ways of suicide are much more risky. Well, the gun is too. Gunshot sucide survivor. And suddenly you wanna live without a face and a brain. Or they just don't let you finish it, subdui...

 19.10.2022 Nice day. Slept for a while. Nice dreams. Full of action. Places I've never been to, people I've never met, actions I've never done. All my dreams, feeling like a reality. I saw a random clip of Joe Rogan talking about how weed removes dreams - he's an avid pothead, so he took a break and had real dreams for the first time in a while. That's why I could never be a dopesmoker. I love my wacky dreams too much. Drugs don't give you anything, they just reallocate your brain resources (hormones) - i.e. waste them inappropriately at a wrong time. And weed really ruins kids' brains. Anyway, I had decent sleep, appetite very moderate cause I ate a lot of random snacks yesterday. Was feeling unnecessarily sad, so i impulsively ordeded some snacky groceries. My little brother was at em very quickly. I bought ice creams, chocolates, noodles and a few other things. I keep feeling worried about sugar. I feel like it's really going to diminish my natural a...

 17.10.2022 Nice day. The "feeling" is still here. Slept, worked, ate a little bit. Now it's late. Played guitar. Played my SQOE. Played my old songs. Played the doomstick. Tried to fix it with my brother. Bent one of the connectors after disassembling the switch. Didn't help. Ordered another switch, as well as a couple of bulding clamps - for the next guitar. Since I'm buying the pieces separately I can claim it's not a kit, ha ha. First glue the neck, then a lot of sanding. Hope I won't need to buy more sandpaper. Then the finishing. Should be much easier than re-finishing. Then some drilling, buying a lot of parts, and then it'll be ready. It's 9 PM. I'm having my second coffee. As usual, it's late. Today I'm benching lightly. Been coughing a little bit, but healthy overall. I realised why coffee tastes bad when I squeeze it too hard - first of all, cause it's cheap coffee, then cause it's too hard for the water to pass throu...

 14.10.2022 My brain has been refreshed. Something happened. Perhaps it's my illness, or the cardio I've done last week, or lack of heavy lifting, or something else. Maybe it's even the antibiotics that I ate the last of today. Don't know. I'd like to imagine it's the cardio and rest from lifting. My brain is strangely receptive. Every feeling is stronger. Nostalgia is constant. I feel loose and free in my body. My movements are different. Just feeling younger. Strange. But good. 15.10.2022 Nice day. Somehow went to bed early. Woke up, worked, fell back asleep. Dreamy. Stomach empty. Woke up in the evening and had my breakfast. Still feeling strangely awesome in my refreshed brain. I think I haven't felt like this for this long since I was a child. Had my first coffee. Tastes bad. --- My little brother asked me to tach him to play guitar randomly cause his favorite youtuber released a song. We played a little bit, I managed to remember how to make two inputs...

 13.10.2022 Had an insanely great sleep. My body felt great. I felt like a child again. All loose and soft. Last time I lifted anything heavy was in september. A bit less ill, but not fully. It's very late now and I gotta workout today as well. And I'll do some rational resoldering on the G310. Yesterday I got properly high on the caffeine. And today it seems to be the case as well. I got the oak-y tasting coffee. Don't remember the brand. It's cheap. Managed to make it taste better today by letting the water go through it faster. 10 PM. Coffee gave me a tourette's syndrome again... Shaved my face, except for mustache. Feeling better. Less boring. I need my hair back. I guess it mattered to me more than I thought. Imagine you got an amnesia - i.e. forgot everything, except for basic stuff. What will you do then? Will you continue doing what you were doing? Will it still matter? Does it truly, inherently matter if it depends on information only? Well, I know it can. ...

 12.10.2022 Still a bit ill. I was hoping to be mostly healthy by today, but alas. Coughing, sneezing, sore throat, dizzy, a little weakened. Managed to have a decent breakfast. That's good. Rested for a while. Now having coffee. Wondering what kind of workout I'll be able to do today. A short one, probably. Watching House season 1. Enough energy to stand in front of my PC. Sitting now hurts my back and stomach. Funny. Cause we ain't meant to sit the way we do. I used to play a lot with the europeans and americans, mostly in ESO. There was some casual racism towards me back then even. Sometimes I let it slide - when it was a friend of a friend, - sometimes I didn't. I can say I like europeans way less now. Sad. Politics shit. Everybody's getting brainwashed. What can you say. No ratio, just emotions. The issue with my teeth - that I used to have a few years ago - has returned. My teeth feel uncomfortable in my mouth. And they taste bad. Brushing my teeth helps. It...

 10.10.2022 I fell a bit ill yesterday. The first illness of the season. Okay. Wass feeling pretty bad, energy for real at zero. At some points. Felt cold. But then I slept very well, having some fever dreams early in the morning. Now I'm feeling better. Low appetite. Managed to do some work in a satisfying way. One of my pupils was smart today, that felt good. I just gotta teach him to do things on his own. Then I started having coffee. Started jamming on my SG, playing through my RAT plugin setup. Sounds nice. Practiced a lot. A surprisingly hard exercise is jumping in 4ths. Learning to do it. I don't exercise that much, I admit. How am I going to work out today? I think I'll come up with something. It used to be very hard to come up with a properly light workout. But now I have more experience. Workout All around warmup - pretty intense Overhead press 2+2 kg dumbbells - a lot of reps, some flys (not flies) 6+6 kg dumbbells - 2 sets of 20 Pushups 2 sets of 15 with dumbbel...

 08.10.2022 Nice day. Arrived back home. Sure wasted a lot of mine and others' time. Psychological phonomenon, trying to defy fear. And I didn't have much emotional fear, clearly, since I easily kept playing the silly game of chicken with myself all the way up to the point of no return when my ratio grabbed a hold of me and forced to not commit a silly act. Exhanging things that valuable to me - i.e. my time, health and overall happiness - for something I imagined I would have (unlikely) and something I simply did not need. Can't tell you exactly what happened. Just can't. I made a long trip somewhere far away, then back home. Mostly boring, although I did get to experience a few new things. There was a girl that kept looking at me. I realise now she looked like me, but with an even bigger nose. Very cute. And she had really wide hips. One day I might change my stance on the whole reproduction thing. Sometimes I just feel stumped, you know. It's not like I'm aga...

 03.10.2022 - Monday Nice day. All alone. Worked some - at then then I wasn't alone. Then, I made a call. Couldn't reach. So, I wrote in a messenger and quickly got a response. And guess what? I am going. Tomorrow late at night I'm going. What will happen? No idea. I gathered things, probably will gather some more tomorrow. Had two coffee as I was calling and then giving a lesson. Didn't have more than that. Sure was distracted from working out. Yes, I managed to do something. Workout Bench press Warmup, some nice pushups, then 20-50-70 for 15 100 - 3 sets of 10 casually, saving up energy. Now it's much later and I'm eating, but I think I could do a little bit of squatting - for my connective tissue. I recorded all lyrics for song. I am inspired, after all. And I straight up released it on Bandcamp! So quickly. Brevity brings success! Use quantity for quality - well, this saying isn't about today. More like "We harness for a long time, then we go fast...

 01.10.2022 Nice day. Some of my clients have been cancelling. Deep in thought about my life decisions for the foreseeable future. Fear. Watched a video about some talking about my exact situation and they said fear is okay. It's not strong. Confidence - a certain amout of it, at least - just cancels it out. Everyone is there. I wanna go too. I reckon so many people who are much more afraid and less fit than me have gone there already. I have time. I will work on my cardio today. Although it's pretty late and I'm taking my time. Not sure what I wanna do. I think I wanna do good ol' OHP, not PP. Finished having my first coffee. I sure am taking my time once again. I'll ahve a second one, do some OHPs, cool down and begin my cardio promenade. I know I can prepare myself better. Some people said people like me better not go on a fun expedition just yet. So it's only reasonable to prepare while I can. Did I mention I finally started watching House? Awesome show. Fir...