February 7th, Wednesday - DL 230 kgs 5 sets of 5

 07.02.2024

Nice day. Slept well, ate well too. Not much. I think last week I sort of have developed immunity to suicidal impulses. A part of me has grown back and now I consider these thoughts sort of meaningless, or, rather, inefficient. I've been resting more. My knee joints have been hurting. For some reason I don't feel like writing a lot here right now, although I did have a lot of ideas earlier. I had a much more complex description of how I sort of left my suicidal state, but now I don't feel like describing it. Hmm.

I suspect my knee tissues hurt cause I've been resting too much and now my body is not prioritizing it. I also wonder if I've driven myself into a suicidal state by working out too often. I believe that with time I'd be able to learn myself better and work out very efficiently and pleasantly every day, but it'll take some trial and error. From early August to early November.

Been having other thoughts, confusing, but not as much as on Monday. Monday was hell of confusion, I swear I could have preferred being knocked out by something than going through something like that again. It was worse than being locked in a room full of gas, and I've been in these situations many times - paint, paint remover, carbon dioxide, petroleum and diesel fuel. Strange.

***

Had one conventional 20 gram brew, thin. Buzzing just a little. Feels good. Made a conventional 20 gram moka.

***

Lovely. Buzzing, tunneling, re-reading Marco. Marco is saving me, I'm not gonna lie. Some parts in the story are a little weird, unreal, I feel like I don't have the right to alter what happened in there, even if unsavoury. I'm not completely ready to share more of the story, but I sort of feel close. It's become multilayered at some point, kind of hard to follow. Well, not really. It's just confusion - the different kind, the more creative kind.

Week 1, Session 2 - 5 sets of 5 with 75%.

Workout

Deadlift

20 - 70 - 120

160 for 5 kinda cold. Feeling a bit out of shape - it's not a bad thing, it's natural.

200 for 5 chose to use mixed grip - it's not very painful, felt okay

230 for 5 - nice, air is going well. I have enough energy to lower it carefully.

230 for 5

230 for 5

230 for 5 all okay

230 for 5 okay, all easy. Here I tightened the belt to three holes - all working sets before were 4 holes.

I'm feeling very positive about stuff. Something might happen.

***

Played NEO Scavenger. Pretty awesome little game. Took me out of reality for a few dozen minutes.



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