Monday, February 23rd - DL, grip PRs

 23.02.2026

Alright. It's another daytime workout. Let's compare it to Saturday. I was kinda torn whether or not I should allow myself to wake up. But I could not sleep anymore.

The book flows. I'm writing. The whole "RW3" project was to give Zita more of a character. She is about as important as Marco but in different ways. The book doesn't have her name in it though. Also, I've been suffering from the idea that I am a drivel generator and my book is some poorly concealed slop. Today, after perusing Critique Circle for a while I feel better. I have a suspicion that about 99% of stuff there is ai-assisted if not fully ai written. Way too many indians. I used to like indians before I started noticing their violence towards the internet. Zita was an indian girl in the first variant of the book. Originally, however, she was a just a freak side character, a white dwarf girl. Isn't that funny how much the book changed? It changed radically. It was sort of a lame AID-style adventure in my head at first. Then it was a sloppy political thriller with some pastoral adventure elements (eventually). Then there was the "second" rewrite (around May last year). Then there was Summer where I actually frigging abandonded using AI at all. It was an allure, it was a psychosis - back in 2023. I was vulnerable to things like scamming and ai psychosis. The story lived in my head and I lived in the story that the ai was playing out for me. Then it all had to be scrapped when I myself decided I was gonna responsible for **everything** - creatively, structurally and other things. Well, I do use ai's to review stuff from time to time. It helps me learn some things on art of writing. Back when I used ai to "assist" my self-perceived poor prose I'd sometimes take the text and ask it to point out the most interesting/peculiar/etc moments. I'd rage when it started pointing out the stuff it itself wrote. That was only a step. AI psychosis is a real thing. I had a mild form at the start of 2025 and I sort of managed to shed it. I still allow it to glaze me and my writing. But these last couple weeks I was doin the opposite and searching for flaws in my ch18 (current name Curclycup). I put an excessive amount of amateur self-expression in there. Same as ch 19 (current name 'the old home'). I've been rummaging through it, searching for problems outside of things like lack of plot or unclear prose.

You know, an interesting thing. Unreadable. That's what a text needs to be for me to not suspect it as AI assisted and thus worthless. Or highly expressive. I've reviewed a couple stories on critique circle. Now I suspect one of them was ai-assisted and it hurts a little. No matter.

AI. It left a stain on me and my story. Now I often wonder if some of my creative choices can be attributed to it. BUT the story is completely different. And it wasn't a "book". It was a DnD game I played with myself. It was a whole RPG system that was half-DnD half-GURPS. My own arbitrary rules. I still use it! Most characters in my story have a sort of a S.P.E.CIAL stats and all that. But now I do it all on my own. AI helps figure out the parts where I might have fucked up the most, usually in my extreme haste. That how I like to do things - right away, right now, ideally having prepared in advance. That's a man's way. But yeah, it left a stain and I just have to get it out of me. I had a very specific desire to make REAL music. But I guess I didn't see my shit as a book for a long time, didn't I? It was just a little fantasy world in my head, it was so much more than fucking letters and paragraphs and all that. That why letters and paragraphs were ASS. But there was creativity involved. And eventually it broke through it told me I'm a massive retard for "using" ai. No, you have to rebel. You have to do shit on your own. Spew your own bile. Don't pretend to be something you're not. You're a low skill retard with practical adhd/autism. Not diagnosed, thankfully. The only thing you have is self expression. If any human is valuable - you are too. Transpose your humanity the best you can (into text or other forms of creativity). Forget the fucking robots.

Hard work and struggle. That's what pays off. You write and record a little tune and enjoy listening to it for the rest of the week. A nice workout video, great performance - keep coming back to it, watching it, analyzing. A nice piece of expressive text that flows naturally. It sounds right. It does not sound artificial. It is a thing you made wholly on your own.

Alright, confessiones over. I'm already dressed for Deadlift.

Workout

20 - 70 - 120

160 for 8

190 for 10 - OHG, PR 😀 Messy, some breaks in between reps and I basically dropped the barbell every time so I don't have to hold it on the way down; still, it's a pr 😀 Also my cardio is nice.

200,5 for 10 - OHG, another PR 😀 Of course I have to note it was super messy and slow, but I think I can count all reps. There was one rep, I think 7th when I didn't manage it even up to my knees so I didn't count it. I think for me OHG is all about having the right "angle". Otherwise I'm really happy I've gotten so good at it.

200,5 for 10 - straps, a cardio test. I wanted to see how quickly I can pump out 100. Well, apparently 200 is too light of a weight to be concerned with something like this. Happy! Although I did have to pause a couple times to fix the headphones.

240,5 for 2 easy speed reps

240,5 for 2 same, a little faster

240,5 for 2 lovely, even faster.

That's it with the DL. Next week I'm doing much heavier 8s, starting with 240. Today I wanna do something else, anything else. What to do?

Shrugs

120 - 3 sets of 10 - very nice, powerful shrugs, using myt hips and sending them high into thick flexion. I still have that *clean* in my CNS.

Zercher squat - touching knees with elbows, flat feet

70 for 5

70 - 2 sets of 10 - nice, ass loaded unusually. Maybe I'll try bigger weights in this one!

Overhead press - one set for many reps, trying to do a front rack in the bottom and 180 lockout at the top. Nice burn!

Alchestbreach in 2016 was way more fun. He was kinda exactly like Someguy2000, just a tiny bit softer. He didn't censor himself all the time! He's using the same exact stereotypes.

He's apologizing for using Jesus's name. I heard him so much using words like "Jiminy crickets" etc. I only really swear when I'm "out". Like today. My normal self isn't really a swearer. I'm above that. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oykvBDRW30Y&t=432s

I don't hate Kris Takahashi. He's pretty good. Our sensibilities clash only a little. There's a reason he became an actual Bethesda guy. If there was a hundred of him there I'd have hope for FO5. It'd be mostly soy slop, but it'd be playable, probably better than FO4. TES6? No, sorry, that's dead no matter what. It's February 2026 and I'm telling you that TES6 is already dead. It's stillborn. Sorry, child, you were never meant to see the light of life. Your daddy punched your mommy in her stomach when he kicked out all those old devs and hired soy generators. So sorry for you!

Neck extensions - 3 sets of 50 reps, light rubber

RPotD - Ourisia macrophylla, Plantaginaceae