December 2nd, Saturday - Just OHP, restarting program in it too

 02.12.2023

Lovely day. Great sleep, decent even. Chill, but not cold. Fresh air. Changed my sheets. Had nice dreams, but I don't remember. Woke up, worked, got new coffee delivered, had one moka, worked some more, had another one with some nutrients - processed fried meat and some carbs (chicken nuggets and some lasting peanut butter on toast). Curiously enough, I measured my weight afterwards, and even though I had somewhat of a really poor diet since Wednesday I'm 108 kgs in clothing. It's decent, but I was much heavier recently, unexpectedly heavy, in fact. Maybe that was a bit of a misapprehension.

Been playing BG3 again. Before yesterday I replayed my end save. It was a lot of fun, seeing the new ending. Then I made two new attempts at a new game with the Durge as main character, a wild magic duergar sorcerer. It was too hard, and I realised that with Honor mode I'll be losing out on wayyy too much fun and satisfaction that this game brings. Honor mode is more fitting for your third or later playthrough, once you're done exploring and exploiting. I missed out on a great amount of stuff in my first playthrough. As expected, in the end I agreed with myself I can't really create a "new" character, so this Durge ended up being almost a copy of my first character and I'm also basing him off Alchestbreah - at least in hairstyle. I guess my first character in this game was a "nod to a nod" to Someguy2000 (Marcus - Marco from the book - Marko from NWB) and this one is a nod to Alchestbreach. Two different people, but beloved by me for all the special times their art gave me. Alchestbreach - watching his playthrough and even hanging out twitch a little - helped me get over a somewhat of a hard mental time in 2019. He's got a lively, giddy persona about him. Somebody you'd wanna be your friend. A bit of the opposite to Somebuy2000 who is a bit more like in that regard, a friend to the methheads and nutters, I imagine, hehe. Just kidding, of course! I'm only trying to remember some of the crazy stories he told in his videos on on twitch. I remember watching him play sims3 on twitch with his crazy "sodomites" - fans and viewers. The really dragged poor Someguy2000 down, lol 😆Simply cause they were all younger, and when young people watch old people they copy their behavior and try to expand on it. The don't know the blance, the boundary unlike some of the old people, that's the issue with some of the fanbases I see on the internet sometimes. Cause it's almost never old people watching someone younger than them, it's always the oppostite and they youngsters are always unhinged.

It's been good. Under all the nasty stuff in my head it's been good, in and out of my head. Serene, beautiful, alive. Surprising, now that I see it. It's just unexpected. I mean, look at the sky - there are stars there. Just cause there's dirt on the ground doesn't mean the stars go away, right? And all you ever do with them is look at them, and that's enough for me and for anyone. The fact that I can exist makes me feel immortal. It's a long line of thought I've been having. Simple epistemology. Being and possibility. Can't go into detail on that right now. I can only really insert tiny little droplets of something philosophy-resemblant into this blog. Could try to go for more. It'd be great if I refocused once again. I think the refocusing is always happening. That experiment was great, it's a good long experiment, over a hundred days of working out every day, and it was pretty heavy in August, you know. It hlped me get over my boredom.

People tire me, even the ones I love tire me out so much. Of course, the more I love the less they door, but still it drains me. I feel like I'm moving back to my younger form of self and losing all dependency on socialisation - at least for a period. No internal, brain-focused need. I feel great on my own. I can see myself, my own mind without too much bufeddlement. Of course, even though I can see it without confusion doesn't mean my mind itself is not confused. Hehe. Back to being self, less being like a bleeding piece of wood. I'm not just a piece of wood right now. I need to breathe more. I need to live, however and whichever way. I'm a dog, just wandering, looking for another bite. I cannot really imagine why exactly I'd need anything else. I don't need to judge others. I feel them, but I'd like to understand myself more than them. Wouldn't want to be confused about what I am and what I am doing. Things are going better, thank God for that. They don't bother me. The evil demons don't bother me, and they have not for quite a while actually. I was just a dried-up piece of wood, chunking up into rotting pieces. Now I'm back, back to being like an odd smell in the wind, just passing my your nose. I'm here and I'm gone, and you cannot remember what kind of smell it was, you can only remember how it made you feel. Heh. That sounds pretty silly, but it's a good simile. Just a whiff on the wind. I don't need to get into you.

***

Alright, we were nearing the peak on the OHP, it's only reasonable we restart it as well. 5 sets of 8 again, lol. 90 kgs (88). And maybe just some PP alongside it.

Took a little too long. I got a Christmas mail from Habbo Hotel. All the way from 2009. Ended up just going in there, figuring it out all over again, opening it up and chatting to some random person about religion. Interesting. It was a friendly chat. Rarely happens!

Workout

Warmup - some flys and ez bar presses

20

50 for 8

70 for 8

80 for 8 starting to warm up

83 for 8 okay. warmed up a little

88 for 8 okay, feels nice enough, but I did put in some effort

88 for 8 okay, a little easier

88 for 8 alright. There's way too much carbon monoxide downstairs. My throat is getting irritated down there. Makes me wonder if it's better to walk there through the street, hehe. Soon it might be getting fixed, that'll be nice. Funny, the boiler is now hotter than before. So unpredictable.