December 19th, Tuesday - Light workout

 19.12.2023

Genuinely nice day, above average. Not super nice, but good. I've been having something like fragmented sleep. I had somewhat jerky impuslive sleep, CNS agitated, woke up earlier than I should have, but I was feeling good. That was around 5 hours of sleep. Took a caffeine pill and went to this new work of mine. Things went smooth there, my performance in the moment was decent, brain functioning, planning wasn't perfect but it's not a big deal for the moment. I'm working on fixing the issues that are apparent to me.

Went back home. Dehydrated. Feeling sleepy, but I can't sleep. Weird. CNS strained. On the verge of relapsing into some old habits - but I didn't. Thank God.

My throat is pretty ruined by all the temperature changes and vocal strain. Not a big deal. I'm not severely ill, as far as I can tell.

It's 7:34 PM. I'm starting to lose my sleepiness. Today we're having a light session. As usual - some BW squats, as gentle as possible, and a bit of a shoulder load. Nothing to hinder my tomorrow. I expect to have great exertion.

Workout

Warmup - stick, olympic style, wall pushups, random flys and curls with light dumbbells

Flys, full range

2 kg dbs for 15

6 kg dbs - 2 sets of 15

8 kg - 2 sets of 15

Squats, heels on plates

4 sets of 10 - actually, I feel pretty good about my squats today, even though they are pretty light.

In the end, I have relapsed to some of my old bad habits, life-wise. It doesn't feel like that big of a deal, because when it comes to bad habits there's usually some fairly complex physical and mental laws involved, and it takes time to consciously stop them. It took me two conscious attempts to stop consuming alcohol, in 2016 and 2018. The first time it wasn't that conscious - it just felt wrong. In 2018 it did not only feel wrong, but stopping drinking clearly made my workouts and overall energy better. No, I now realise I was not depressed back then, but I was sort of pretty close to it. Might wanna go over some of my old training logs one day. All the depressive state I've been in since October - and ramping up - it wasn't quite helpful. The summer was awesome, September too, some issues started to arise in early November, and now we arrive to this point. So close to 6 months, but didn't last. In the end I can only ask you to pray for me and my soul. God have mercy on me.



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