December 14th, Thursday - Light lats and heavy curls, better Thursday than I've had in a while

 14.12.2023

Nice day. Didn't sleep at night, but I took a melatonin pill shortly after midnight, so I ended up spending a lot of time in a near-sleep state, somehow still not falling asleep. I think I might have slowed down digestion. I'd really love to go back to a proper fatty diet, with just pork and eggs and veggies. Right now my diet is chaotic garbage. Hmm.

Had a caffeine pill, found an old lemon and made some lemon tea for myself. It was refreshing. Went to teach. It was snowy, a little harder to walk than usual. Gave lessons. Wasn't as prepared, but on Tuesday I noticed my preparations weren't that helpful in the end. It was decent today, performance-wise, possibly better than before - at least in some moments. I'd like to believe some kids are learning. Wildly varying discipline between classes and days. It's a curious pattern. The kids seem utterly invested when I start rambling about similarities between words, delving into etymology and origins. Well, the reason I ramble is because I myself am very interested. For example, I think I might have found - well, speculated - a proto-indo-european connection between the word "like" and a Slavic word "лик". Hmm.

Been ill just a little. Nose is not as irritated anymore, but I do seem to have a lot of phlegm. Was couhing at the start of the day today. After I came home I was both hungry and feeling like my digestion is disabled, turned off. Food felt like heavy weight in my stomach. Had some leftover tea, that was nice except for the torn teabag in the thermos. I have not been indulging in food and drinks for a while, unless you count the Tuesday. That was an expensive meal. I only wish I wasn't as emotionally upset and disturbed yesterday. That really hindered me and my workout. How unpleasant. We'll deal with this. I've been working on not bottling up my upsetture. No longer as bitter inside, and not too abrasive on the outside, I'd like to believe. I'm hurt, you know, I feel pain all the time. Just because I can take it doesn't mean I don't feel it. And I don't care for apologizing for feeling pain. I do feel it, I know who caused it and you are not going to put me down. My pain matters and you will listen to what I have to say. I'm not asking for much, just a slight degree of consideration. I need very little effort of you. I need more constraint than effort from you. For example, the yesterday occasion - I'm utterly upset that she beat my little brother to a point of him crying out loud. I'm not completely opposed to corporeal punishment in very rare cases, but I do believe it to be evil and not even necessary evil. In fact, scratch what I just said, I am, in fact, completely opposed to it. I've been beaten a lot when I was very little and then they have the audacity to take me to a psychologist or whoever to try and figure out what's "wrong with me" and why am I "shy" and seemingly angry all the time. Fuck you. Well, enough of childhood trauma or whatever. This venting helps me reduce my degree of suicidal desire. I hope no one will read this, but I am leaving the blog open. Maybe that's the same logic behind me talkign to myself all the time. I don't want to talk to anyone, but I wish people would hear. Of course, inevitably, I end up thinking some fairly private thoughts out loud. A man, open like a book, perhaps written in a fairly inelegible writing, hehe.

Decent workout yesterday. Very light. I definitely feel like I could do 240 for 10 on a good day. Maybe with breaks. And I did 10 reps overall in yesteray workout. Well, let's pause the writing - Hallelujah, for I am inspired to eat and lift better and recover, including today.

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It's been a while since I've had any moka coffee. Just a single conventional brew today, 20 grams. 2 cups and then one more cup after a break. Today I'll just continue my yesterday's pull workout. We'll be gentle, but a little less than last couple weeks. Should be lovely.

Workout

Rubber lat pulls

2 sets of 15 light

1 set of 15 one arm

1 set of 15 hard rubber, not folded

1 set of 15 same, one arm

Nice easy reps overall. Feeling the muscle move. That feels good today. More good than the words can convey. How curious.

Floor-supported ring pullups

1 sets of 15 - basically I've been doing a mini-jump and an explosive pull from the deep knee bend position, and then a short hang on every rep. It's a good exercise, a little easier than normal pullups. That's always been the point of it.

Ring curls, leaning back

1 set of 15 - underrated, difficult

1 set of 10 - a much harder variation, more weight angled - lowered the rings very close to the floor

1 set of 10 put it a little higher, still very hard. Very nice, a powerful pump all over my arms. And it really felt like enough tonight.