May 10th - Health events, medium-light Bench workout

 10.05.2026

Man, I got quite a story to tell. Might be long!

So, I had a nice day on the 6th. Had a light workout, had great bliss after I wrote, had about three instant coffees, and I had a cup of citrulline malate before I started my light workout. The "after-day" lasted too long and I lost my grace and I got 'distracted' in kind of a big way, like a 180 degree turn away from what I believe lowkey, and before going to bed I realized I'm hungry so I went downstairs and looked at some of that discount meat mother bought - cause it's expired, see; some chicken meat wrapped around a walnut filling, so I fried it up a little and then put it in the over and took it out and ate and concluded it was partly raw but still I took another bite and then I put it back into the over on max heat, and after a while the whole house filled up with nasty smoke and I took them out and tried to air the house out but the smoke went right into my room via draft like it usually does; I fell asleep somewhat okay and woke up at around 6 AM cold, and realized I got a fever. The fever was bad and it was getting worse; I sweated. Don't remember much from that morning, pretty huge headache. Oh yes, and I had the runs, the liquid diarrhea I had back in April except then it was rather painless and not accompanied by other symptoms, all it really did is burn my ass with stomach acid - unpleasant but I functioned and lifted rather well.

I came to conclude that it is indeed likely citrulline malate that is responsible for this diarrhea. I wanted to throw it out but instead I taped it up and put it in the medicine corner - it didn't hurt me at small doses. Also I coughed a little; the bottom of my lungs seemed to have bronchitis, a very similar feeling. Huge headache, forehead, nonstop.

I forced myself to eat a tiny bit of meat and egg and a piece of hotdog - and I really mean forced; it was bad. Managed to fall asleep, felt almost okay for a while, when I woke up I was almost okay. Watched a youtube short of a guy making a real filet-o-fish and I couldn't stop myself so I ordered a mcdonalds-whatever takeout, just a bunch of burgers and that fish thing (it does have curious Christian-adjacent history though!) I was pretty anxious as I watched the delivery driver on the app and chased him down in the street, feeling close to okay, even though he parked far away. I took it and I watched some youtube and I ate two and a half large burgers, and then another half, and I fell asleep in a strange bliss.

Woke up around midnight; the fever was back, quite severe, sweating a lot - the weather got pretty warm lately. I had weakness, a lot of weakness - body refused to send resources; after a while I decided to take a warm shower and a bath and I felt okay, spent about an hour in there, just water, didn't wash my head, not too hot. It felt like four hours but it was just one. I got out and that's when the fever was most severe - not as severe as it was in 2023 or 2021/2022 (November/January anginas). But it was not easy. Mind was not cloudy, but thinking wasn't easy. I kept catching myself making strange conclusions. I had a pill of ketoprofen, not sure if it did anything. I had weakness so I just sat in the kitchen chair and twitched and babbled and moaned on every breath cause it makes it a little easier to breathe. I wandered around the house as I tried to pick out a towel to sleep on - that took a while. My stomach was not feeling good by that point. Eventually, I managed to make it back to my room but couldn't sleep; after a while I walked downstairs and grabbed the bucket because I kept feeling like I was gonna vomit.

I tried to vomit a few times but it wasn't happening. I stabbed my throat with a fingernail on one attempt lol, rather worrying, had to trim it right away and wash out my throat. I don't think I cut it very deep though. I tried fingering my throat with oil but that only led to loud coughing; I considered trying to take some concentrated salt to make it easy but decided against it, fearing I won't be able to vomit it out and it'll burn me from inside. So I didn't vomit at all in the end, I just felt sick and was pissing brown out of my butt. Managed to sleep for a while, and I had a whole day of regular stomach spasms, rather painful, forcing me to sit down and clutch myself for a while. I kept wondering if it's my stomach or my guts, so I took one omeprazole - it didn't help. The diarrhea hardened after a while, and I wonder if maybe it's not going to be as persistent as last time.

I had tea with possibly a lot of old lemon and sugar - not sure if lemon was the right idea! The tea started to taste bleachy after a while, which meant my body didn't want it either. That was over two days, the 7th and the 8th. On the 8th I managed to give a lesson, although the timeline is feeling mixed up in my head, like a day disappeared.

On the 9th (yesterday) I had some of that tea and milk and sugar and bread & butter. Somehow butter felt like a good choice. I had some instant coffee later but it didn't make me feel too good - I suspect that this particular instant coffee isn't quite great for me, the one I bought in the store across the tracks. Had to cancel a lesson. I fought the stomach spasms - kinda feels like there's some kind of blockage or a tender part somewhere in my guts as they try to do the *peristaltic* movements and that's when they hurt. Maybe it's something burned by the citrulline malate? I considered if I might have a parasite but if I do it's probably not wholly related to my current events. Also I had some activated charcoal on the 9th and the 8th but I don't think it affected anything in a serious way.

I whined and whinged and prayed to God for the pain to stop even though it wasn't as strong as it was on the 8th (I think). It went down from 5-6 to 4-5, if I had to assign a number to it. But it was slowly becoming lesser and lesser. I sweated a lot in my sleep, and my muscle got soft and I hurt my right trap - straight up HURT it lol - just by sleeping on the right side! Makes you wonder. I really need to work on making my right side more "elastic". I need to do one armed presses and I really want to try doing lying side-presses. And also standing side-presses, which the normal one arm presses sort of already are for me anyway lol.

Later on the 9th, after waking up during the "evening sleep" I had my old cut ankle hurting a lot. I wondered if good ol' athlean-x was right about the blankets after all lol! Cause when I twisted it the first time in November, that day I already woke up with a feeling of a twisted foot, so I wondered if it's because the foot gets twisted under the blanket. So at night I kept it in an elastic bandage for a while - not all night though. And I also put on my boots and took a short stroll in a circle - I might have looked pretty weird as I kept trying all sorts of different walks lol, I kept praying for the pain to go away and also I made amends with some of my 'distraction' mistakes; I shall be hurt even more if I wanna keep making those mistakes lol. My ankle felt better after this walk!

Later on the 9th-10th at night I had plenty of appetite but still was rather cautious, fearful of food. Nonetheless I grabbed some of the dumplings I bought last time and had a nice, close to large sized meal, almost a whole (small) bag - some was left over for this morning. The pain became less frequent, down to 2-3 in intensity, accompanied by farts which I am a little too wary to let out outside of the toilet.

So, the pain is going away slowly. I had an almost normal breakfast today, nice appetite - leftover dumplings, couple hotdogs, one egg, one rye toast with jam. Tea didn't taste bleachy. Didn't want to go back to sleep despite doing the usual "evening sleep/awake at night" thing the last three days. Having one 35/420 conventional coffee - not oversteeped, not overbrewed, took it off the fire just in time. Please pray for me some more, I am already thankful for you! 😀

***

I think it was indeed probably the raw meat. I wonder if there's a similar kind of illness connected to consuming raw beef, or is it generally safer? It's probably safer percentage wise, but the illnesses you *might* get are probably worse, like mad cow disease or some shit. But they do like to eat prosciutto and beef bacon raw etc. Germans like to eat raw ground meat - it can be tasty but I honestly don't think it's a nice thing to do to yourself. Beef can have e-coli, but apparently (as I am searching up info) it's mostly on the OUTSIDE of the meat lol.

***

Also, I have been dealing with some unusually painful psychological things lol. I was recollecting that time in early April 2024 when I was also ill and how difficult it was for me to function as a part of the collective during that time - God knows I tried, until I got emotionally hurt and then I didn't try as hard! I kept having a bit of "inferiority syndrome" and was half-convinced I'm partially autistic and it hurt so much, a dull nail against my shin. But I focused on the good things - I rarely had a problem when I was actually TASKED to do something, no! No, when I was tasked with something I only had a problem due to lack of understanding - induced by poor nutrition, overall brain exhaustion and cultural barriers, the best I can tell - and the other time when it happened it was caused by unnecessary initiative which possibly had psychological undertones - I sort of wanted to spite the commander who explicitly told to put the apparatus on top of the structure, and even though I reported that I put it on the ground I got in trouble for that; I received a scalding call and immediately put it back on top - which, ultimately was a really smart thing, cause I could reach it from inside the structure that way! - but I still got into trouble and was emotionally punished. You could probably find the post corresponding to this in May 2024 lol. And I still wanna go back, make some money and save it for my future family which is not likely to exist but it might.

***

You know, if my mother ever buys expired chicken ever again I shall throw it out immediately! She buys it all on discount and we have to throw out between 30 to 70 per cent of all that stuff anyway. Sometimes there are really nice things, and sometimes there's me with what was likely salmonella while they have fun far away. I enjoy my solitude - and it was breached by the presence of this bacteria lol. Had to share my body with it!

***

I'm pretty dehydrated right now. Stomach spasms have gone down to 1-2 in pain - Thank God! But the dehydration is a small problem I'd like to deal with.

Obviously, coffee doesn't help. Well, I think, given some time, it should deal with itself.

I think I'll be having a "mini-break" in my heavy DL training - I'll skip heavy DL for two or three of my five-day weeks, replace it with light DL and other focus exercises.

The thing I've been lacking the most is my Push Press. But I can't have it without getting back my Squat. I have to be careful with Squat, cause even though it makes some tissues way healthier it might sharpen up some other tissues if I'm not careful enough which is likely (but not guaranteed).

Heavy DL is not a part of anything I'd like to focus on - but I do need a hard enough back for overhead lifts, of course. Which is why it's only a "mini-break". I need to focus on my physical culture and eliminating weaknesses from my Squat, my OHP and my PP. Each one has a specific set of issues. Let me go take another fart and come back to you on this...

Squat - sharp knees, unevenness, tender ankle (avoidance syndrome)

Push press - weak legs and push, lack of stability, inconsistent front rack, side unevenness

Overhead press - unevenness, inconsistent front rack, less-than-optimal stability - I'm not the same as when I felt more comfortable pressing without the belt anymore.

And there's also Bench press - I have very good feelings about it, but I have to fight unevenness on it as well, cause my right arm is super tight.

We'll work on all we can today. And today's Bench, but I'll be cutting some intensity and volume. I think I just might limit my working weight at around 120-125 kgs. And hopefully that also means I'll straight up have energy for other stuff!

***

Another thing I wanted to talk about - I have a lot of writing piled up in my brain. I know just what I want to say and when it comes to things I'm unsure about - them I am really eager to discover, because I know I will. Hallelujah! God, please send me Your grace even though I am very much dried out and cold-hearted at this point, almost completely unrepentant - but *not* completely. Please help me, have mercy on me!

***

My body isn't feeling perfect, strength-wise, but health-wise - better and better! I'll write then I'll get to benching, hopefully it won't be too late. There's also some spicy discussions in RDR chat that I accidentally started when I was critiquing a text.

***

Interesting fact - all that resting and not standing might have made my right hamstring more loose and I can curl it more easily... Interesting.

Workout

Warmup - wall pushups, floor planks - feeling okay, surprising

Bench press

20 - 40 - 50 - 60 - 70

90 for 3 - that's where the warmup stops and I actually get to the working sets. Bench feels a little better than expected! Especially when I forced myself to drink more water.

From here, each set is a 3+3

100 and 110 - okay, first designated working set. Liver hurts a little as my body again restructures my metabolism lol.

110 and 115 - messing with my old audio player, a little annoying lol. Also writing in between sets here!

115 and 120 - nice, kinda better even

120 and 125 - feels nice, although I couldn't get the player to work in both ears.

So, that's nice. Three days of sickness and now I'm basically almost functional. BUT I will try to be very careful. I'll do a tiny bit more stuff today and have a nice rest day tomorrow.

Some overhead warmup and stretches; kettlebell overhead hold and side bends, short range - a couple sets with 16 kg kettlebell

Overhead press

40 for 2 sets of 10

20 for 10

Figured out the middle of the bar... AGAIN... I do remember having a little middle mark... Way too many things make sense now - it might have been the bar markings' fault, at least in part, my UNEVENNESS!!!

Squat

40 for 10 a little awkward since I'm wearing hard pants lol

60 for 10 okay, had to fight cramps for a while - should be better next time!

Neck extensions in harness - 2 set with 5 kgs

RPotD - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:ARCO_Rocca_2007.JPG