March 16th and 17th - Failed PP workout

 16.03.2026

Nice day. Woke up at 3AM, but then managed to sleep a little more. Brain is refreshed, to a degree at least, sprayed with some vinegar.

Guess what? I think RW4 is happening. It's ridiculous, I know! But the more I look at media, at storytelling, everything, the more I realize how plainly wrong I am about great many things and my own creation, Michigander Marco.

It's gonna be half and half first person and close third person. Not an even 50%. I'm not used to it yet, but I know it won't take too long. I wanna load up on some book and just copy it, in some way or another (prose-wise).

Plots. I've become a 'plotter'. I have a realization that things, the way things happened, the way I remember them, they are just not very easily digestible to anyone.

I wanted to work out today when I woke up. It's not the right day. I'm supposed to rest. But I might want to workout. I dunno, maybe it ain't smart.

And I realized I actually don't wanna get a haircut yet. I dunno, man. It's all been building up, high tension, explosion, another couple months of edging, another explosion. And now I'm here. Born again. Born in chunks, reattaching myself. I am a much stronger self.

Man. What's a man? Man is I. I am the standard for y'all to understand what a "man" is, heh. A living being, a human male! That's about it. Above that - agonists, titles, players. To be a man is to be an adult male human. A living being! To be alive. To be alive is to be. To do "what"? To be. To exist. That's the answer and the question. Purpose? To be.

***

The story, the first 5 chapters are going to be a complete rewrite. Then I definitely might consider rip off the good things I already wrote. Or close to good things. 100k words - fairly bloated, 'hacky', if you will - in one tome, and... let me check... 50k in the other one. Between 150 and 600 pages, depending on the font! Lol.

"Don't bore the reader". Interesting idea.

17.03.2026

Scratch that, RW4 isn't happening. I went most insane yesterday, but in the end I felt relief. I cannot write Marco in anything else but second person. Other characters I can. But not him. He's very close to a self insert, but also not. Why? Because I am not a person. He is, but I am not.

Anyway, we're past that. Thank God! But you know what will - eventually - happen? Some semi-radical rewrites, with the "apex" of change being chapter 3 - and also chapter 6... as well as all dungeon gym episodes. Why? Because there will need to be some consolidation. The reader will get something slightly more easily digestible, and I will slightly reduce chaos. There will be more intent.

Creativity. I am not a master manipulator. I am not a dollhouse player or a stage direction. All I really am is a diary writer and a "thinker". Same as someone who has legs can be considered a "walker".

And, sadly, you can't "not bore the reader". Why? Because, as we established before, readers **do** not exist. They will exist when they read it, yes, but now? Now there is only I.

I had such a good night of sleeping. Ate well too. Despite that, brain feels a little stale. It's very hot right now. Spring is taking course.

***

Quite some time later

Workout

Warmup - long and thorough, upper body, possibly too long

Overhead press - 40 and 50, a couple sets each, some front rack stretches on fingertips and straps

Push press

73 for 1 an absolute mess... But I know I can warm up

73 for 1 again... Really messy. Loaded the bar to 100, intending to do some more stretching, but I realized that my body is telling me that I have to stop. Me and my body understand each other decently well, even when I have plans for it. No, it's near midnight at this point. I started warming up quite a while ago, and it's been stretching and stretching... And now it's nearly midnight and I feel drowsy AND, worst of all - I got used to sleeping at night again.

Guess what though? I think I'll bench tomorrow. I'll bench somewhat heavy (estimation) and see if I wanna do some PP afterwards. Should be nice, given that I basically haven't spent any energy at all today.

The anger that I felt earlier today, the one that made my chest hurt - I wonder if that drained my power. I managed to keep it down though, but it did rise up pathologically. My chest hurt. That was weird.