March 10th, Tuesday - Nice PP, increased volume of 3s

 10.03.2026

Another small reminder from the 8th - not that I'm gonna do cleans though... But frankly there's no reason I stopped doing them. They are good in general and arguably crucial to be able to do if you wanna do any kind of overhead lift. Consider doing them as a part of your front rack stretch? https://www.youtube.com/shorts/yFyO3FpQsys

***

Alright. Finally it's the 10th. I'm coming to terms with the fact that when it comes to my "issue" I was simply trawled along by lazy chair-sitters who were successfully playing into my delusions and "just (not) doing their job". They get paid for every hour they sit on their ass and answer messages but when there's an issue of one of them fucking up they just can't do anything. On to the prosecutor's office - hopefully not just another chair sitter's. I wish I came to conclude this much earlier. Maybe God wants me to be pessimistic about it. That's what I keep thinking. Never trust someone who can get away with doing nothing. But keep begging, keep asking, He told me. I do, mostly Him. I keep asking Him. I feel good when I pray, so thank Him for that. He clearly wants me to get over this hurdle on my own, finally grow up and out of this paternalistic mindset which happens to spread towards Him. He ain't gonna be wiping my ass - that's the sad truth many Christians fail to understand. No, you gotta keep going. He will help, somehow. But He ain't gonna stuff for you.

Given all that, I am sill sort of a slow guy. I've been in a muck, sleeping at the wrongest time of day for the year. I think in Summer there isn't as much light in my room - even with my "curtains" - as it is now when I sleep. I sleep during the day to avoid one kind of boredom and overstimulation but I end up with another kind on my back. If only I could somehow figure out a perfectly right time to do it.

I'm buzzing in a somewhat annoying way. I am gonna have a good time lifting tonight though. You best believe I will. It's 9:30 PM.

Never trust a person who can get away with not doing their job.

Had one nice double-ground 35/420 conventional coffee. It tasted good, close to "really good". I usually need some extra food before the workout. I'm in a good shape, bouncy muscle.

Lowkey I cannot wait to get trawled in a prosecutor's office. I can tell they are also not going to give a shit. But I'd like to believe they're less likely to get away with not doing their job. I'd like to believe it's all punishment for my conscious transgressions, for when I had a job to do and I was cutting myself some slack, or maybe too much slack - can't tell now. Can't see consequences of what I haven't done. God, please forgive me for that. And you, dear reader - please also pray for my soul, for God to forgive me.

I don't feel ready to go anymore. I got stuff to work through in my head. If I got my money, the stuff I already earned, back in Fall I'd have gone, been there. Then a large portion of Michigander Marco wouldn't have been written. Particularly the pretty epic Meat Run chapter, start of Tome II.

I went through some old texts I "wrote". The AI slop during my ai psychosis phase. In between me playing it like good ol' AID and deciding it can be a book - that's when it became defacto psychosis, especially because of how much it contradicted my already established view on art - in music. MIDI drums are barely tolerable to me. ai music is not. That's why it was a psychosis. Because I was too lazy to write prose / too impressed with the sheer volume of text ai can produce. It needs to be talked about if we wanna make it out of this muck. I tread into it and needed a bulldozer's worth of effort to pull myself out of it. I did it slowly when I started to realize that I am extremely dissatisfied with how AI output differs from my prompt. That's when the ai psychosis started to fall off. I'm not ashamed, but I was. I was ashamed to admit I had it. Now I'm on a bit of a crusade. Just like I was on a mental crusade against roids and ferns&chrome when I started lifting. Just like I was on a crusade against fake midi music when I started to learn to play real instruments. And now - since roughly the middle of Summer, or rather since early September - I've finally become a real "writer" who cannot allow himself to use ai. Of course, there's some nuance and some grounds for whataboutism because I do use it in other ways. Asking google a question, for example, rather than typing out "@w" to search for a wikipedia article. Yeah, that's lazy. Sometimes I have fun with it, troll it or try to break it / break its logic. Lame.

I get seriously upset when I go to r/destructivereaders or critique circle and there it is, the ai slop. Not just X, but Y, punctuated by Z as A echoed, while B delved into C! Yeegh.

A week ago, on Tuesday, on my rest day before OHP I wrote a really, really nice and satisfying 2000 word scene. Seems that my current output is 2000 words per week. Hm.

I'd like to believe now that I acknowledged a new step, a new mini-ego-death in my mental journey I should be able to breathe more fully. Yes, I just did. An incredibly relieving, deep breath. I'm communing with my inner selves and they all feel so much easier. Thank God! Peace of mind. I would now have reached it if I wasn't writing it all out, all this! For once, 'psychology' tagged post isn't something disturbing. Hallelujah! Now I'll go downstairs, try to make a rare turkish coffee and read a book. A pretty disturbing book, "Wise Blood" by Flannery O'Connor. But there is definitely interesting stuff in it. Human condition, how women see men and women. A lot of thought material. Also I've purchased and been reading "Sophie's World" and it very much reminded me of history of philosophy textbooks. A lot of fun, but I best focus on reading one book at a time.

Also, now that I am relieved I should be able to un-muck my writing, my training and my communication with people I care about. Should be good! And maybe even finally get that haircut I sort of been dreaming about. Another throwing off shackles, a tight old shell yours truly crab grew. Remember all the funny crabs? I do, heh.

***

There is some clear improvement, darkness dissolved. Also I definitely will write something. Doing the warmup - some wall pushups, weightlifting overhead stretches with the pvc pipe, rotator cuffs work.

Workout

Warmup - long and thorough, varied, upper body upstairs, some stepping downstairs

Overhead press - 20, 40, 53 in variations

Push press

53 - 73

103 - 2 sets of 3

113 - 4 sets of 3 - nice, although some end up being close to a "press-push". Tissues feel great, rack is good even without heavy unracks! But I think you have to do them at least sometimes, regularly but not necessarily often.

118 - 2 sets of 3 - nice, I even filmed one set. Really glad my wrist issues are not present!

Squat - sets of 8

53 - 73 - 103 - 123 - 133

Squat is a little off. Pelvis and legs uneven. Thankfully tissues feel okay. Player was giving me some real greif today. I think I'll use my new phone tomorrow.

That's how they used to make you buy new shit. The 3.5 mm jacks are extremely and intentionally frail, especially if you move around a lot. It's one of those things that could be reinforced strong enough so it never breaks. But it's exactly like lightbulbs.

Anyway, I wrote a semi-decent 1200 words scene today. Not perfectly happy with it but it's nice. The bones are there. Middle of ch 20.

PP was very good. I am happy. Lowkey most reps today were leaning towards "press push" because of how little I have to push. That feeling in my wrists and forearms, that's what I'd like to focus on. They're like good, hard rubber now, springy. And overhead fix is very decent too.

Front rack was not ideal per se, but I have no right to complain about it - I'm pretty certain it was casually, effortlessly better than last time. Everything today was kind of pretty casual and effortless. Except squat, a sad admission. Perhaps I simply needed to dedicate some extra time to warm up before squat. Yes, hmmm, that has to be it. I did not warm up before it! And I'm surprised my legs and pelvis felt differently stiff and thus uneven. That's right. Maybe I'll do some Squat on my Bench day too. Give it a better warmup and see how it feels. Yeah, that feels very right in my head. Another great thing to look forward to!

Great mental relief today. Feels good. I threw off a burden and now I'm treading lightly. No expectations, just curiosity. Let's go.

RPotD - File:Flickr - brewbooks - Eriogonum ovalifolium var. nivale and Campanula rotundifolia.jpg