May 30th, Friday: Messy day, okay workout - Clean, OHP and some PP

 30.05.2025

Nice day. Been feeling like shit, inside of my head. Confused, so angry - but, like, not depressed, not upset, just feeling like I'm covered in mustard. Biochemical shit. Distracted minorly. "Minorly" is really annoying word, a parasite word. It'll leave me soon I hope. I keep saying it.

Didn't work out yesterday. That possibly contributed to shitty feeling. Got new crocs yesterday. Apparently my size is 46 european after all. I don't know why it's such a revelation. Probably because my old crocs are near completely caved out to size 48 or more lol. Strong feet, I always have my big toe burst through shoes. Lucky. Other people get bunyans. I just get ruined shoes.

Head empty, head confused, like a goshdarn mixer of garbage. So angry. Cooked strange food yesterday. I wanted my chinese pork but there barely was 150 grams left. I did something cool. I sifted flour - should have been starch, but I don't think we have it. Really fine. Crushed, powdered, grinded some sugar, carefully mixed in powders. Pepper. And just a micro amount of baking soda and citric acid. And GSM of course, just a bit.

Then, separate - two eggs, tomato paste, some scavenged soy sauce and fish sauce, and some warm water. Mixed in thorough, with a mixer. That was batter. Turned out interesting. I scavenged some more meat - stinky chicken bits. Had to throw them out. I really hated reality then. More meat - turkey, less stinky. Still fucking disgusting. I hate this shit. But the batter was good, plentiful. And pork was okay. Fried it in oil, deep oil. But not deep fry, it got black cause of the flour. The first bit only. They puffed up so fast. May consider frying some kind of doughnuts like that. So I just fried the outside, put them on the tray and baked them. That turned out good. Pork did. Turkey was almost not making me barf, if I started with batter.

I miss now the days, the very recent days when I was feeling okay. Head fucking broken, not right. I blame the weather, lol. It's been hot in the mornings. Sweating. Showering a lot. I fucking hate this. I fucking hate that I'm here typing this stupid fucking nonsense instead of working out. But it's a part of the process.

I'll be doing my OHP today. Focus. Broken brain, melting like fucking ice, leaking. No big deal. Not gonna be much stupider, lol.

Alright, that's it. Time to go. Thank God. Put on shoes...

Workout

Clean and press

50 for 5

73 for 5 cleans and 4 presses - just forgot one

93 for 5 - it was really slow, more like 5 singles, I admit

Overhead press

93 for 5 - lovely. I fucked up some parts of mine by forgetting heavy press. Truly a healing exercise - once you know how to do it. Had to do some shoulder and back stretches, hanging.

Sweating a lot.

93 for 5 more - so easy now, air in... Fixed my shoulders more or less.

Push press

93 - 3 sets of 1 - nearly fainting on each rep lol. Hey, at least I'm doing something athletic. Also I did somewhat short rests - i.e. I just stood in front of the barbell.

That's about it. I'm really hoping tomorrow will be a bit more steady. I need a better grip on my brain lol.

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