March 17th, Monday - Light OHP, squat 170x10, mess

 15.03.2025

Went to sleep a little upset at that thing in BG3, with Laezel dead, killed by bridge patrol. Had a dream there was an extra companion, a shaolin-type monk you could pick up at a functioning monastery that was infiltrated and secretly controlled by the Absolute (in the game). Well, of course it didn't feel like a game in my sleep. Really dead sleep after 30 hours awake... Lol.

Mods could have fixed it. I guess I have to cheat and load a previous save in Honor mode after all, about 20 hours of gameplay in the past! Well, I don't *have* to, I've already done it. The things we do for love! And I didn't want to romance Laezel in this playthrough, but I feel like she's more of my type. It's my third playthrough, and the first one was Shadowheart, traditionally, second Lae'zel and now third is also Laezel I guess, even though the relationship hadn't started in that save game I shoved back into there. Honor failed! But the game is buggy, so fuck them. But also props to them - they're the best developers whose game I've played, frankly ever. Most attention to details. I'd have to say it's the biggest masterpiece of a game I've played, even though I wouldn't say it's at the top of favorite list. My favorites don't matter - what matters is my top rated games list, which, as I spoke before, includes Morrowind, New Vegas and now BG3. But my favorites list is much larger, much wider.

I'm super drained today - as much as I love to deny it in heats of moments, I need my rest days. Perhaps I'll have a light session. That bicep work I've done on Thursday was stupid, excessive - the last set of curls was wrong. I might have strained myself more than stimulated. It wasn't warranted, that much load, is what I'm saying - your body is a car and auto service is expensive. It's not a squishy ball you can kick around. And it's alright to go balls to the wall when it's WARRANTED. It's absolutely alright, and it can be. But not when you're simply bored.

16.03.2025

Alright. Honestly, a lovely day. Been feeling not like I love to feel - too smooth, too tired and relaxed... I should not have done what I done on Friday. Should have slept and possibly postponed the lesson. Or gone to bed after I gave the lesson. That would have made a lot of sense. But I like to have fun. And I didn't waste my time. My brain is a bit of a stew, I just gotta chill. I slept so much yesterday but it feels like I didn't at all. I gotta go back there while there's still time so I don't have to go to Africa instead, heh. This conflict, it can honestly only be frozen. It hasn't reached it's peak, far from it.

17.03.2025

In a very bad place, physically. That's what you get for being nice and the being stupid and not in control of yourself. What the fuck is wrong right now? Why can't things be right? They can all go fuck themselves.

Overhead press

70 for 5 sets of 8

Squat

70 - 2 sets of 5

It might have been smart that I was working out at night all this time. It might have been smart. Two days in a row not working out, hating myself consciously and unconsciously. Fuck that shit. Also fuck whatever I did between Thursday and Friday... I'm insanely stupid. I had a great heavy workout on Wednesday. I should have just cancelled all my lessons on Friday, and most importantly not chosen to work out. Things were going so good, then they went so bad. Not really bad, not 0 out 10 bad, more like 3 out 10. Just mess, just stupidity, and my brain isn't working right. Oh well! Also coffee abuse, that was stupid. Today was going so well, and now I'm hurt. My elbow hurts a lot. Stop doing any kind of heavy OHP and/or pressing shit for a while? Reasonable. A week? Perhaps. Just no heavy stuff. Wednesday, I'll work on making that perfect. Need a break to recover tissues.

I really should be more merciful to my body.

100 for 5

120 for 5

150 for 5 a little better - just like last two weeks, I'm saving myself with heavier weights on a neglected exercise

170 for 5 not bad

170 for 10 not bad, something to be happy about. Doing it as five doubles makes it sooo much easier - i.e. counting the doubles rather than reps. Seasonal mini pr 🙂 Wraps over and under knee, soft over kneecap. Some reps were proper ATTGs, but not all. And ultimately it's a super tiny weight for me and what I really need is to focus some more attention on squat... Happy to have done something today. I had three pots of coffee throughout the day and I have been awake for 15 hours now, after moderate sleep... It's not fixing itself very well.

Pain is going away. Thank God. Blood's going in my eyes, overfilling them a little. I just wanna have a good workout... And ideally not crash out afterwards. Last week was great. Good workout on Monday, great one on Wednesday, crashout for the rest of the week up to today. God, please forgive me and help me! And you, the reader, please pray for me through time. I need that future people's prayer, heh heh. Thank you, I'm already feeling better, more confident. Now you do too! You wanna know why? Cause I prayed for you, through time as well. Our faith is strong, together. 🤝🏻