January 20th - Volume bench

 17.01.2025

Light workout - tricep extensions, rubber and ring pulls, squats, flys

20.01.2025

Lovely day at night (morning), not so much after I woke up. Otherwise decent sleep and nutrition.

Workout

Warmup - almost none, just some PVC pipe moves

Bench

20 for 20

40 for 15

70 for 10 pecs hurt, but not in a fragile way like they used to when they were snapping a lot

70 for 10 better

90 for 10 okay

110 for 10 a little better, feels light enough

120 for 10 - not bad. Pecs feel like resin rather than paper (how they used to feel back in October or earlier). Remember that whole period when I could not escape constant mini-injuries? Thank God it's over.

123 for 11 - nice, but feels harder than I wish it did

123 for 11 - not bad, I think I'm finally getting warmed up

125,5 for 10 - pretty bad set, some reps were lame. Started feeling some strain in the left pec. Did not go for 11. Otherwise not bad, considering overall volume. I was doing the "elbow forward, bar lower on body" thing. Might not have been a great choice. Narrower grip.

125,5 for 4 - it was easy, but that strain was too present. I think I shouldn't have done narrower grip on the previous set - that way my pecs were actually getting stretched too much. May want to start doing more frequent narrow grip pec-oriented bench with a much smaller max? Could. Would prefer big weights though. Perhaps we'll do that eventually.

GTA Online drained me yesterday. This game normally is a chill experience. But I went after a particularly egregious griefer who shot down my plane with a nooby Sparrow helicopter during a biker sell mission - the one in which you have to fly around the map for a prolonged period of time and drop packages. Worse, the plane that I was supposed to be using for deliveries wasn't destroyed, as I landed it in the ocean in the last moment; I could have gone back to doing the delivery missions as that particular griefer was fighting another 'red dot'. He was a noob and he has an 87 or 89 year in his name; could presume he was fairly old? He was slow, unlike some crazy players I met in (supposedly) Korean lobbies (although it's possible they had ping advantage and only seemed faster to me). I think I was playing from a US vpn that time. So yeah, he was slow and I chased him for a while, killing him a few times from the city and around it; he got into his Duke O'Death (another nooby vehicle) and I chased him with the Virtue and sticky bombs until I got bored and overtook him on the highway, prompting him to turn around. I was about to leave at that point, but he got into a jet at the military base and went after me; I did the same and either he was very good in the sky (despite only using rockets rather than the machine gun on the Lazer, which would have been a more skilled and arguably more efficient option), or, perhaps, I should have turned up the brightness in my game cause I could never even see him. Eventually he flew back to the city and griefed a random PVE guy who immediately complained in the chat... We flew around over the city for a while until he landed, and I followed suit. He was trying to ambush me in a tunnel, but I didn't bother; about that time the timer on the delivery mission ran out and I was reminded that if I do it this way the goods won't be returned back to the business. That made me bitter; I should have switched the lobby so I'd have a chance to do this sale mission after all. We drove around the city, with him using the mine-dropping buggy (Dune FAV) - less of a noob vehicle, but he couldn't use it efficiently at all, only really slowing me as I went after him with a disrespectful and seemingly violent-feeling option (Toreador, the Knight Rider Firebird); it got him good a few times, but he got me as well a couple times, since I didn't bother much at that point, despite having my palms sweaty. So it's not just the heat from the laptop, eh? Back in the day I had to wear gloves for it, hehe. Back when I dueled in ESO a lot. That was a draining experience as well. I think I entered a jittery, reactionary state even before I started playing GTA after watching some constitutionalist youtube content... That often stresses me out. I'd be a 1st amendment auditor if I cared enough, but I resort to simply supporting them. Feel free to look into the matter and formulate your own opinion on it - I'm not here to change hearts. And, after all this, I have to note that it was all a bad idea. I was supposed to do my OHPs on Thursday and my bench on Saturday... Instead I'm doing it technically on Tuesday. And I'm supposed to go somewhere and I feel like I want to postpone it. I am drained. Yet I had a pretty beautiful day after all that yesterday, as I re-read and edited and wrote some of the parts of the book. Well stimulated. And today I felt like shite and got close to injury. And that wouldn't have been the case if I was benching on Saturday. Fuck everything... I am pissed. Fuck doing the salty retard pvp in GTAO... Otherwise it's a lovely chill game that helps me neuromediate myself in a good way. It's been established. So, about that story - I only really managed to really trigger the guy, hopefully conditioning him to be less of a shitty griefer when I got into my Terrorbyte - it recently got an upgrade where you easily go off radar when you stop driving. I'd drive for a little while and prompt the guy to come back, searching for me, trying to bait me to chase him again to simply waste my time since he was in Duke O'Death and it's only really good for defence in PVP... Surprisingly fast, BTW! Anyway, after a few minutes he wrote me something insulting in Spanish or possibly Portuguese and went afk. I exploded him one last time and said goodbye before he left. And that was a stupid, draining experience which I regret - I should have switched lobbies when I saw him approaching, as I was doing the sale mission an hour before that. In the old days I'd have deleted GTAO by now, freeing up space for some other game - like in August 2023, when I decided to get rid of GTAO after even less egregious provocations and installed BG3 which turned out to be the best game of the decade so far... You just gotta have some control over yourself. I should have had my bench on Saturday instead of a light workout. I couldn't do anything at all on Thursday; my energy was all gone after doing DLs and discovering some unpleasant news about the world (and the people) around me in a way that pertains to me... Been having really bad thoughts since then, on and off, if you know what I'm talking about. But my mother has been somewhat supportive. It's so much better that it was in 2023 when I actually got close to doing the bad thing... Closer than ever, that is. Better discipline is what I need. I may go and do my shit after all. It's easy. I may. But I don't feel like I want to. I want to take a break and re-establish better biochemistry. Since the trip last week didn't give me the results I wanted... Usually getting out of the house is insanely stimulating to me, often in an inspirational way. I see a great amount of beautiful women on the street and in public transport and my testosterone goes up slightly... Wasn't the case last Tuesday. What a displeasure! I must be getting old. A lot of energy wasted in public. Gotta reduce the stressful content online, it's driving me insane. Although my Friday workout was good, after I raged at a public figure (an idiotic priest who I actually followed on youtube) saying incredibly offensive things to our nation and military and everybody was like 'no biggie'... Most people were. As religious as I am, I am starting to get critical of the bearded class. I don't think I quite respect the priests and priesthood anymore, say thanks to that idiotic mouth-runner. They should be an example to the people, not money begging rich men who don't understand what the fuck they're saying. And yet I am still quite religious, it's just I'd say I disagree with the mammon worship that the officials of our church are participating in. The Church survives even with these cancer moles, so long as knowledge survives.

I think I had a volume PR in bench today - I've never done overall this weight for this many reps. That cheers me up a lot.