09.01.2025

Again, it's technically 10th, 0:33 AM. For a while now I've been taking melatonin by mouth, sucking it down with saliva rather than swallowing it and yesterday I went back to a more conventional method and I think it worked better. My sleep is still kind of messed up. I seem to be repeating a formula of "two day long day" with a short nap on the second day. I don't like it very much, but I don't think it's a big deal. We'll get over it.

Went downstairs. Had one of those quiet workout where I don't run up and down all the time.

Workout

Bench

20 for 20

40 for 15

60 for 10

80 for 8

100 for 5

120 for 5

130 for 5

135,3 - 4 sets of 5

Lovely. My pecs were not tearing. They are a little stiff, have been all this time, but I think I'm adapting them. Still, I may wanna be really careful. I think I wanna include some lockouts and holds. Should help me with my wrists. Also, I think I might be able to have a workout tomorrow (Friday). I just feel like I'm able to do it now. Also, I was supposed to be including more squats. I've been feeling a little down today. Yesterday was so great and I ruined a little bit.

I'm not feeling my best, mentally. It's overall good, just dampened a bit. I wanna go back there - but only after I get the money that's owed to me. Stupid clerical mistakes. Who to blame? What matters is that it's just BS. And I, for the longest time, didn't quite care to take care of that.

Disconnected from myself. From my being. Like my memories are someone else's. Soul damage. A no one, I am. A something in place of a person. Something barely alive. I don't know how that happens. Just don't feel much anymore.

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