Wednesday - Nice DL

 21.08.2024

Nice day. Woke up relative early (earlier). If I could wake up like this every day it'd be nice. I didn't sleep much actually, but i feel alright - possibly because I have recovered after my genuine but failed attempt to restore a more normal sleep schedule. I've been thinking - it's possible it's broken because of video games. I wanna play more and more, so I play when I should be sleeping, especially on my training days, because on those days I don't play until after my workout. So naturally I just drift in that direction.

The reason I wanted to play FNV again is because I wanted to reconnect with all those memories that inspire me to write/play Marco. I still can't get over the fact that I'm not a real writer, and the book isn't really a work of art, but rather a reflection of my psyche over a period of time - in a pretty distorted mirror, mind you. And it's written with the help of various AIs. Because I like playing with LLMs. That makes me feel so disingenuous. Playing with all the pic generators made me want to draw, and I drew. Not like I used to when I was a kid, but in a different, more expressive manner. When I drew my little things as a kid I was also inspired by games - Super Mario 3, Stronghold, other games I had on my Game Boy Advance like Dokapon which is a nice little JRPG mostly inspired by Pokemon. I drew various little maps and large scale battles as my imagination soared. I was also deeply inspired by Asterix and Obelix vs Caesar (the movie), and I had a couple comic books too. And I was also curiously inspired by Leo Kassil's book which was not actually about childhood imagination but rather a form of memoirs reflecting the turn of the century turmoil. Republic ShKID is also about that time. What a weird time, a transitional period before a very difficult and dark period in history. Now we're also going through a, let's say, dim period. All of the world, not just us. Again, transitional period. If I was a US citizen I'd be losing my mind.

Today I'm going for 4 sets of 2 in my DL. Don't know when I'll be able to start. It's almost 6 PM and I'm done with my first moka (one cup left). Cautious about spending my money since I still haven't bothered to deliver the faintest kick to the lazy fat ass of bureaucracy to get my pay. Procrastinating, I know. Just because some idiot director of the bank thought it'd be a good idea to just shut my account and only notify my poor confused mother. And me, busy, at fucking war. I just assumed like an absolute fucking retard I am that the payments won't go through and I'd be assigned my other account. But no, they are telling me they all went through and I should check all my bank accounts. Oh well. Fuck Mammon!

***

Coffee's driving me nuts. It's one of those angry nutty episodes. But I am aware of it, trying it reign it in. The vocabulary between here and my book is so different. Well, not completely. That's why I use the darn LLMs. Imposter syndrome. Because you just might be an imposter. Heck, at least I'm not using some other person to do it for me. Even though it would be more of a genuine human work that way, but it would be morally worse.

Also, I think it might not be coffee driving me nuts with anger. A different kind of anger. Not a dark cloud that haunted me for so long, neither it is a well-shaped hatred it turned it. It feels like a hot knife poking me with its dull tip. The tip is dull, but the knife is hot. That's what my current anger feels like. Not a dark cloud, no more. Much happier.

***

Workout

I am a Night Person after all. I have no explanation. All the brain circuits must be in place for me to be that. It'll take some effort to reshape myself again.

Workout

Warmup - minimal, this time I'm not an overzealous superstiff guy like last week. And also I'll definitely be listening to music.

20 for 10

70 for 8

120 for 6

160 for 4?.. I think I did 4, or possibly more. This was the quick warmup.

200 for 3

230 for 2 kinda easy, grooving to Dominus again

240 for 2 same, lovely

240 for 2 - I decided to try and change my mixed grip (so that my right hand would be underhand) - it was difficult for my left oblique and kind of slow, but not that heavy in general. On second rep I just put on straps

240 for 2 - harder, but still smooth, both reps in straps, no unnecessary resting. Skin has crawled away half of the way

240 for 2 lovely, groovving hard af. I need more of that.

I have an idea, similiar to what I've done in 2020, I think. In fact, if I could go back to 2020 that'd be fricking radical. Hmm. That was the heckin year, man. I was thinking I could force myself to stop my workouts after midnight. it's 22nd, 1:34 atm, so I should have just started around... 9:45?.. Hmm. That way I'd be done by midnight. And if I can't I can only do one set. That'd suck wayyy too much if I could force myself to do that and then failed. So, I shouldn;t fail? Today's sesssion was medium-heavy on my CNS, possibly a little bit heavier than last week. So, relatively light workout tomorrow (Thursday, technically today). Start at 9:45 the latest. What would I do? I'm leaning toward bwench for some reason, even though I haven't done OHP in a while. Just better discipline, that's all I need! Ah.

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