Aug 18-19

 18.08.2024

Trying to reset my sleep at least a little, so I ended up sleeping very little in the end. Only started to feel excited around ten, but still low energy. I wanted to squat today. But can I? Would it make sense? Or would it make more sense to actually rest and actually focus on squat on Monday? I already know the answer. I resolved not to overstimulate myself and not play a dare game with myself. I'm really slow today, although I admit I don't feel weak, which is good. So, I will indeed be squatting on Monday, not so sure about OHP but it'll happen.

19.08.2024

Things aren't going according to plan and my sleep schedule doesn't seem to be resetting. I have a really difficult time sleeping. I don't feel physically great. But I will be working out. That's the plan, at least.

I'm feeling better. It's 11 PM, it's raining, the coffee tastes surprisingly balanced. It's a moka. Not overstuffed, managed to screw on the top of the pot securely and used the hot burner on the stove, the smaller one that's rarely used but it actually works. The stove is a bit of a mess. I managed to fix it when it broke the first time (mostly by luck) but when it broke the second time it just shorted. All it really needs is a deep cleaning, I'm pretty sure.

So, we're squatting and OHPing today. It's gonna take a while.

Workout

Warmup - some

Squat

20 for 10

50 for 10

100 - 2 sets of 5

Well, it's not going the way I hoped for me. I'm lacking, well, sufficient energy and balance. Poor sleep, poorer diet. Just some discipline.

I'm at an emotionally low place. More tender, wistful, not depressively-suicidal like earlier. Thank God. Thinking about myself and my life as a man. I want some things and I don't want other things. Well, sadly there's incoherence and things from "do not want" have slowly migrated to "want" while majority of factors in my life and my mind haven't changed that much. I do not want those new things hard enough to change. Same old story. I'm afraid of things changing around me while I don't change enough for them.

Also playing around in nifscope for the first time ever. Something I wanted to do for almost twenty years now. A way to edit models for Bethesda games. I just wanna turn Naughty Nightwear in FNV into a silly combat outfit. Not gonna happen, I think, cause I'm just fiddling around, you see.

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