November 11th, 2023, Saturday - Nice squat, lowered volume

 11.11.2023

Today's supposed to be squat, Week 10 Session 1 - 5 sets of 2 with 85%. So, we shoud be lifting around 190-200, I guess. Nothing too heavy. It's kinda way too late, even though I woke up relatively early. feeling kinda hazy today. Nothing too problematic though.

I gotta admit though, I am not sure if it's the most apt range for today. It kinda makes more sense to restart this microcycle and go a little heavier. I'm not ready for 85%, just purely mathematically. So, we're gonna go back to Week 9, Session 1 repeated. 4 sets of 6 with 75%. Nothing to worry about. We'll go heavy enough.

Workout

Warmup - squat variations, some wrist stretches.

Squat

50 for a few reps

100 for 6 with some pauses, some more warmup for stabiler muscles.

140 for 6 nice. Gritted my front teeth unpleasantly in one moment. Wore wraps underknee.

160 for 6 nice enough, kinda better than previous set

170 for 6 okay. Kinda mentall fatiguing. The weight was easy enough, but something today made me unbalanced. On one rep I got stuck in the bottom due to the lack of balance, but then rose again, so it was like a very long pause. thankfully, I can tell you none of that felt hard.

180 for 6 nice. Hard. Made me tired. All reps good. Final rep with a long pause. Balance is decent. I noticed the bar rolling a tiny bit into my wrist and chose to hold it there, rather than allow it to roll onto my neck. I had a whiff of a superstition as I thought how it might suddenly be considered "low bar" but it definitely is not.

Thinking about adventure. Don't know anything. Feeling confused, as always. You know, 2022 was not a bad year for me! And a few nice things happened in 2023 too.

I'm so lost, man, I don't like being lost again. I mean, just because I failed at something before isn't a good enough argument to try again. It was too long, I got burnt out last year. Some good things happened indirectly from me not going. I just need to make better sure, you know. Such a dumbass. It's just life's gotten too flat, if you will. Maybe not. I almost ended it all just last week. I think I need a bit of control over my life. Cause I'm just sitting in the darkness, not only not knowing where to do but also just not going anywhere. I've been hurt, man. Lied and abused, underwent a plenty of physical suffering too. Including as a kid. I had a good as a kid once I turned 14, but before that it was kinda weird and bad.



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