Wednesday, November 1st - Deadlift 4 sets of 6, 223-233

 01.11.2023

Nice day. Even though I had a diluted caffeine pill yesterday and had a barbell workout in the garage, I had none of that overhyped effect. There's something about coffee that is not just caffeine. Today I got my coffee delivery. Fresco Arabica Solo. I assume the name implies there's no sneaky robusta inside. I'm okay with robusta, it's nice on occasion, and mixes can be nice too. But I prefer just arabica most of the time.

So, I genuinely fell asleep yesterday. Sort of a rare occurence. Not eating that much seems to have helped my stomach. I woke up actually in the morning and had a nice breakfast, then slept a couple more hours. All of that narration makes me look like a lazy bastard. Maybe I am, who knows. All I know is I've already broken into pieces but not fallen apart yet. I cannot tolerate an even slighest mean thing towards me. I am horribly fragile nowadays. I'll fall apart and I'll make you watch. Beside that, it's all okay. We just never get what we want, do we? We never get things that make sense. We try to do something and we fail. They come to lie to us. They hope they can swindle us for money we don't have. They will burn, but not before some good guy wipes them off his feet. Pretty cryptic sounding, don't I? Doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Well, very few things matter.

Being myself. Many pages with my face, but each different. Me, but not me. Not me, but me. Other people who are me. Genuinely different people. Do they exist? Yes. How do they exist? The question is incorrect. Questions tell you things more times than they ask you to tell them something. A question is not a request for information, but a framing for a statement. We need a different term for pure questions.

Open ends, open beginnings. Not clear, not defined. A little story that makes sense only when you read it. It doesn't make sense when you look at it.

Almost done with my second moka. First one flew by unnoticed. Also bought nice crackers (galettes) and a really big tub of peanut butter. Three parts of a nice combo. Simple.

Imagine if it all stayed the same, but humanity could just give up their life wilfully and easily. It's contradicting laws of physics and evolution. Some things are easy to bo, big things too. Evolution praises them. Evolution isn't a mind or a plan, it's rather a fairly basic description of a mechanism of survival. It's not going anywhere. Evolution doesn't have a goal to create a supermind. Fine tuning is an interesting idea. Flawed, deeply, but still interesting. Why do we believe our conscious identity to be something valuable and meaningful? Why do we not? Those are both (in)valid questions. Neither of them makes sense - because both of them are a frame to either state or refute. Nihilism is meaningless and pointless. But it is a nice tool to erase something you don't like. Anyone claiming to be a nihilist is a liar, hypocrite and a sufferer.

***

I get kinda moody on my heavy days. Funny. It's not too late in the day, kinda early, in fact. Unconscious and body feel not great. You grow a plant, you stomp on it. You enjoy doing it. Some time later you wonder why it don't grow so well. Why you do that shit? Just kill me already. (the plant says)

***

Better. Still haven't looked up what I'm gonna be lifting today. Let's see... Week 7, Session 1 - 4 sets of 6 with 72,5%. So, from 220 to 233, I think. Very reasonable! Easy, actually. But let's see...

Workout

Warmup - putting on clothes

70 for 8

120 for 8

160 for 6

190 for 6 - 3 overhand, two hook grip, one reverse mixed grip.

I think my left hand got weaker from me using it as underhand grip hand on mixed grip DLs. Time to dial it back.

223 for 6 in straps

228 for 6 nice and easy

230,5 for 6 all very easy, fast, maybe not as smooth - since the weight has gotten so light for me I seem to be putting just about minimal effort to lift them fast. Lazy!

233 for 6 alright. I should have tried to put more effort into it. I was so lazy it was annoying. And my skin's getting damaged. But it's okay in the end.