Sunday and Monday, 22nd and 23rd - Light session, lovely squats, going heavier

 22.10.2023

Nice day. Woke up early, took a caffeine pill to cement it - it has been working, although it does lead to inevitable dips from time to time. Just another somewhat gentle method to control your body. Gave a lesson, ate almost nothing - I catch myself eating vegetables for some reason. I had a decent fatty meal yesterday. A little sleepy, as it happens, but now I'm gonna have my first moka. Re-reading part II of Marco (not chapter II). Also read part I couple days ago, it's better than I remember. It's got simple language. A genre/tonal shift.

It's funny how little in control of ourselves we are. A clear separation. I find myself feeling things my mind has no reason to feel. A mute communication. If you tried being closer to yourself, you would feel something. You'd understand the part of you that doesn't speak words, but still very much thinks and feels. A clear divide in me, forced to speak for two, or even more than two. But hey, sometimes we agree on things and get angry together. That's what being normal is.

***

I feel pretty off today. Not bad, just not quite energetic. We'll have to have another light workout, and tomorrow we might squat and PP.

Workout

Basic all around warmup, some fun experiments with rings. Rings can be used quite curiously to help you lower weight when you're doing leg moves too.

Floor supported pullups

4 sets of 10 feels okay

Calf raises - 2 sets of 20

Squats

2 sets of something

2 sets of 20 holding the 6 kg dumbbell in front of me. I feel like my ankle mobility has improved a lot. That's about it for today, I feel like.

23.10.2023

Nice day. Sleep mediocre, took a pill, worked. Ate leftovers, felt nice to save time. Sleepy. Must be the weather (cool humin constant rain) and the fact that I haven't been getting enough sleep.

I seem to not have ability to concentrate very well right now, and I am horribly irritable. Thankfully, I am somehow able to hold it back around people, but left alone I seem to be completely twisted, last night I lost my shit almost completely when I couldn't find a sharpening block in the kitchen, I almost hurt myself out of frustration. Why does it happen so unexpectedly? Talking about this is a part of the process of regaining control. I prefer to believe it's my subconscious trying to communicate with me. And my conscious wants to kill myself. Well, not really wants per se, more like experiencing an impulse. You could blame it on Satan if you want. Obviously, you can't blame demons for your own faults, unless you're doing it poetically, hehe.

Workout

Warmup - decent, thorough

Squat

50 for 6

100 for 6 nice pause in the end

153 for 6 same, kinda hard - not warmed up yet.

173 for 6 a little better, wraps underknee. Still struggled hard to generate necessary effort. Not warmed up still! (CNS wise). Calves and ankles feel really strained.

173 for 6 hard to say if better or not, but the movement was somewhat more velocious. I did a conventional paused rep quite instinctually as first rep. I've talked about it before, I have a possibly lazy habit of pausing in squats. But hey, that does help me reach depth. But at this point depth is guaranteed. My calves and ankles feel super strained. Legs are not fatigued or sore at all, but calves and ankles sort of even make it hard to climb upstairs! Now, I feel almost warmed up. I'm gonna try some music as well.

173 for 6 better. Farted a lot of gas out of my stomach on the previous set, so I had to tighten my belt by one more hole. Also, I put on wraps on my underknees with my toes pointing up, which limited my ankle mobility (actually, that's only a hypothesis, I have to point out). Listened to Manowar - Die for Metal and immediately felt my suicidal desires taking a step. Truly, Manowar is God-blessed and must listen to them more, in and out of the garage.

173 for 6 much better! Finally, I felt warmed up and the bar moved so easily. I don't think I've ever squatted 170+kgs so smoothly in my life! Well controlled. The prolonged rest helped.

And also I did it quite a while before midnight, yay! Overcame the strange laziness and did what had to be done. Yeah, we're amping up our squat, finally. Let's hope DL on Wednesday will be nice too.

RPotD - lovely Autumnal pic, somewhere in Europe