environmental terminal wriggle

25.02.2022

Not much interesting. Hmm. 9 days already. I've gotten out of the "sharp phase" of my illness early, but I had sore throat and horrendous rhinitis, which still continues. Yesterday I worked for the first time since I got ill. Throat okay. Still coughing and sneezeing. Lots of snot.

Detoxed from coffee-based caffeine. Deleted Fallout 4 - played it a couple times and realised I actually overplayed it. I think I'll be playing FO76 when the new season comes out. It's a pretty great game to keep up the feeling of "routine". And a lot of fun, still. And I still haven't finished a lot of questlines in there. I have not actually still tried expeditions or Nuka World in there.

I ordered groceries. Not much, but good ones. My appetite has been mostly nonexistenst. I'm gonna have yummy little things today and that should help me jumpstart my nutrition. I haven't pooped in over a week, I think.

Sleeping almost all day. I guess my body needs it for recovery. I don't know that, but I am guessing it.

~~~

Got my groceries and ate somewhat decently. Maybe my appetite isn't that bad. Lungs feel weak. Lung capacity small. Hard to breathe outside. I prefer to think it's temporary. Maybe it has something to do with deadlifts, quite directly. Coulnd't inhale well. Bronchitis or something. Well, a lot of things have been getting easier. Still coughing loudly. Wanna play RDR2 but I can never get around to it.

Having first coffee since that day. A normal 22 grams moka pot. Maybe even less than 22 grams. Not much effect. Playing through my fuzzy orange amp knockoff. Turn down highs and lows, raise mids. That's how I like it. Goes well on downtuned guitars.

Might finally take a proper poop. Coffee is an awful drink, isn't it? It worries a man when his appetite disappears and he can't take a shit.

Played guitar some more. My blue G310 is actually pretty nice. It only really need a neck reset and to have the neck pickup fixed. I think it was bad even before I disassembled it for the first time. What a bad deal. It needs to have the screwholes in the neck joint filled up a bit. And electronics fixed/replaced. That's all it needs. And after some more playing it might need fret replacement, but that's far in the future.

Fucking coffee. I hate coffee. I knew I was gonna become suicidal after drinking it and that's exactly what I got. Subconscious pouring out. Uncontrolled.

It's 18:04 and I'm enjoying my second moka. Watching funny memes on the internet. It's not so bad.

Why did they threaten to kill me so many times? Why? Why did they threatyen to maim me, to cripple me, to break my back? Why?

It's funny. It's funny because I'm hyperlexic. To me words are more than words. Maybe these stupid brainless maggots never knew what they were saying. Maybe they didn't. All I know is I've died a thousand deaths. Fuck me. Pathetic piece of shit. Funny.

Live by the sword - die by the sword. Let them rot in their own hell. I don't want to be vindictive. I'll just pray to God so He'd help me be less bitter. So He'd help me forgive and forget. I'm jusyt a tumbleweed. Kick me and I'll roll away. I'm not alive, but I move around these wastes. Alright.

You don't understand. You cna't understand. Or maybe you do. I imgine it'sd unlikely. But maybe you do.

Maybe I'll die sooner than expected. I'm sick of that shit. I'm sick of this. I don't "feel" it. It's not fun anymore. Well, parts of it are still fun. I better just chill. All of this is nice inspiration. Write some music. I can feel it.

It's pointless. I don't feel it. I don't feel the draw, the desire. In a way - it's good. Not as bound by the earth. I lost one thing because I wanted to feel free from it, and with it, a lot more got shed... ed. Shedded? Ha ha.

It's all an overexaggeration. It'll take a lot more time before it moves itself outside. A lot more time.

Workout

Some warmup upstairs - mostly squats and variations.

4 sets of 15 squats, 2 sets of calf raises. 

Something got overstretched in my left leg (during my illness). It'll come back. Breathing is hard. How hard? Like, 4/10 not good enough. I wonder what it'll be like on monday. Hopefully better. 8 or 9 out of 10 is what I need for decent DLs. Now it's 4-5. Coughing a lot.

⏳⏳⏳

Downstairs I was cleaning up. A part of my innocence came back to me. Something. A little weird. Unhealthy, but real. A part of my innocence. A memory. It felt good, and it still does. Nostalgic.

Washed my ill clothes. Some of it. Repositioned some trash and dust around. Put my plates in place and wiped them up a bit. Nice.

Overhead press

20 and 40 for 10

60 - 60 - 65 for 10 - nice. Much easier than expected! So much easier.

It's normal to drop and go back up. I definitely was up for a little too long.

Not inhaling/bracing too hard. I think on 15th I got the same type of thing you get when the balloon inhales your lungs.  Overinflation of lungs. I need to give them time. And not overdo it anymore. I have been. Probably.

Very relaxed, but I'm not done. I need a tiny bit more.

Rubber lat pulls

2 set of 15 - light rubber, one arm. Feels like 20-30 kgs. Two sets felt enough - for today.

Rubber curls

2 sets of 15 - light, one arm, with some pronation.

Calf raises - 2 sets of 30, trying to achieve max range just on the floor. Leaning forward (to the wall) a tiny bit.

Not coughing as much. I'd like to imagine I've coughed out all I needed. Having a nice rest of the day so far. Feeling goofier than in a while.

random picture of the day