05-06 July 2022, Tue and Wed

 05.07.2022

Feeling so strangely good despite possibly fatiguing myself really hard yesterday. Something is right, I can feel it. Perhaps it's the sleep I had. Very calm. Food - decent, it's rate it at 7/10 overall. Putting some effort into it. It's important right now. Last week I fatigued myself really hard.

I think I will not be deadlifting tomorrow, but instead I'll do some heavier squat. I'm thinking I could go sets of 8. Climb up to... I don't actually have a max weight in squat. I think it has to be above 220, seeing how I squatted 220 so easily many years ago.

I like to make weights light. To be more specific - I like to make heavy weight light. I believe this statement represents a summary of the volume method.

Positive reinforcement, moving light weights, and then you can put more effort into doing it, improving your technique, acceleration and overall speed. Very inpsiring, when you start a new program.

06.07.2022

Nice day. Nice times. Good times, you could say.

Sometimes you realise you can become weaker than you are now, but that's not a reason to feel as upset as if you were already weak. Just because you know you can fall - doesn't mean you should feel like you did. Curious cultural phenomenon.

Mind. Mind is a complex organism. It's not a mechanism. However, most of the mind are mechanisms, some of which work independently from each other.

Well, you can see some of my innate materialism in the previous sentence - I think I'm quite directly comp[aring the mind to the body. We can't healp it, really, we're mostly used to material logic. And more importantly, there is evidence to suggest that humans evolved to make quick decisions, rather than objectively truthful ones. Because quick decisions are more likely to be truthful enough for the actor to survive while making them.

People don't appreciate slow decision-makers. People who at least try to think. Well, it is not in tune with our nature. Not against it, per se, but doesn't go along with it.

Ah, humanity. A question, rather than an answer.

Finding the right question is often more valuable than finding an answer. Because when you find a question it is a lot like climbing a mountain, from which you can see the pathway to your anwers - from far away. What is it called, the science of knowledge? Epistemology? Can't remember well... Gonna google it now.

It is epistemology. How funny. I don't seem to trust my own memory to well.

I wish I was a thinker more often. You don't need a lot to be a thinker. Just start with small things. Read a book that makes you think. Even one. Go from that.

And, I believe, you may be considered an accomplished thinker once you've created something sufficiently valuable. It doesn't have to be a lot. Maybe just a memorable enough idea that you manage to spread to people. Of course, history remembers creators, not just thinkers. Need to write something.

Academia. It is a structure. Some thinkers manage to break out of it. Like that guy who wrote the cool Harry Potter and Methods of Rationality fanfic. It's really not ideal. But so much. He should have tried to spread it over the years, rather than just grade one. Make the narration flow more gradually. Becuase Haryr Potter in this book feels like an old teenager, rather that a prepubescent kid. There's so many kids out there who have the potential to be very smart, but at that age they're still kind of learning the basics of the world around them. It'd be so good to not develop any trauma before puberty 😢 To not feel too much justified hate, for example. But I digress. I'm supposed to work out well today.

Stopping the pholosophy (sadly). Want to feel now. It's almost 8 PM. Gonna squat... Sets of 8 I wanted, right? The weather right now is the hottest of the year (I think). Thankfully, still not as bad as the last summer.

Last week was such a weird week. I was... "distracted" all week. But I was also distracted from something else that was very "distracting". It felt better. Or, to be more truthful - less worse.

I know what I mean. You can guess, but not know. It's... intense. Biggest adventures just happen in our brains, don't they?

When you talk to someone over the phone there's so much information that gets left out. I wish I was more arrogant. How weird. Very weird phrasing. I wish I was more passionate and thinking less. To be more truthful - less of a self-deceiver.

Fire, fire, in the sky, down below under the ground... Fire sandwich.

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Ultimately, we are all choosing either the lesser evil or the bigger evil. And sometimes choosing "not to play this game" is really evil as well. Either bigger or smaller. Pacifism, for example. Is it good to kill one criminal to (possibly) save a dozen people, or is good to not kill one, in hopes that there won't be any deaths at all?
Of course, there are reasons not to kill criminals for the sake of development of human civilization, giving a good example, setting people on a straighter path, so they'd be motivated by ideals rather than fear.
But pragmatically - the above mentioned example might be a faint idea that might do more harm in short term. Or, indirectly - in long term.

We choose the lesser evil. Sometimes we make decisions based on how we feel. We can't see the clear picture.

Fuck, all this thinking makes me regret being a human. But  it's a fallacy. There is no other way, no other choice. Being human is the only way. It is. Ens. All alternatives to "being human" are imaginary, thus they're non ens. They're not worth consideration, that is, because it's meaningless.

It's meaningless to say you're insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

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You are afraid. You should be afraid. Or not. Then you'll think of other things. See things from different angles.
So much pointless fucking pain. It's like I have a fucking splinter in my head. Not very pleasant.

I can see your fear. When I was a kid I really wanted people to fear me. Maybe that's why I ended up looking like a rabid animal for a quite a while. It's fear either way, eh?

And why did I want people to fear me? You can guess. Just listen to your conscience. It tends to be more compassionate.

A little kid. Like a puppy. He can grow up to be something or can keep beating it and abusing it until it runs away. Thankfully, a puppy grows fast, and it becomes harder to abuse every day.

Why do I keep talking about my childhood abuse so much? Is it an easy thing to blame all my problems on? Not that I have a lot of problems, thankfully. I know I don't want to feel like a victim. I end up feeling a little bit vengeful instead.

*sigh* Well, that was another very impulsive thought. And I keep having them. Not as frequently these days, thank God. In 2021 there was so much more of this. And yet it was one of happier years. Weird year. A good one. This year? Pretty great, thank to disciplined GAINZZZZ 😁

Heck yeah. I got deadlift. I'm getting push press. My strict-er OHP grows with it. So easily, in fact. That time I OHP'd 110 for 5 last month is so memorable. Perhaps I should upload it or something.

⌛⌛⌛

9 PM. Taking my time today. Gonna have one more coffee. Thinking I'll do just squat + some small thing today, and more all around work tomorrow. Tomorrow's gonna be nice, I know it.

10 PM. Randomly got distracted an unapologetically played FO76 for a short while. You're not supposed to play before a workout! Ideally, you're not supposed to have so much time between your last meal and a workout. Hmm. Well, I need to feel good today. Thankfully, I already feel imposing and pwoerful for some reason. In a couple dozen minutes I shall start my warmup and have a quick but sufficiently intensive workout. Thinking I should be able to have shorter breaks. Not for ten minutes each, ha ha.

Workout

Squat - high bar

20 for 10

60 for 8

100 for 8 surprisingly hard. Haven't been doing it for a while since I tweaked my hip. It hurted a little bit today.

100 - 2 sets of 8 - much better, faster reps. I think I'll reaccumulate the majority of squatting energy with this workout.

Later

Stiff legged deadlifts, very light

7 kg bar - 2 set of around 10 reps. Just giving it a "feel". I feel like my posterior chain has become tighter than it was. Maybe it's an effect of me doing high rep DL's. I wanna work up to either 210 or 220 for 10 easy accelerated reps. I think it's possible. 190 for 2 sets of 12 this Saturday, then a couple singles, or maybe even triples. Should be easy. Tomorrow is a great day for benching and OHP/PP accessory work.
Stiff leg DLs feel satisfying.

In fact, all feels good and satifying. Thank the Lord for this natural high. Feels so good.

32 kg - 2 sets of 10 - nice pumping in glutes and hams. Slow descent, accelerated ascent.

I think I could benefit from slow controlled negatives in some exercises. Not in squat - I always do it slowly. Not necessarily in DL - I can do that in DL. Maybe stiff leg DLs and OHPs. I will do some tomorrow.

Some stretching - narrow stance split squats - around 3 sets of 10, varied. 

Playing FO76, decided to re-build one of the camps in a different spot. It's good to have multiple camp slots, I got three. It draws you in a lot. Creative work. Speaking of creative work - I've not recorded the song since the start of July. Last summer it was similar, I reckon. Summer and heat and all that. Hard to stay cool. Not impossible. Can't blame the conditions on everything, you know. That wouldn't be properly conscientious.