Saturday, 29th

 29.01.2022

Ain't been too happy. Not too bad overall, but sometimes something does something and something happens in that little old noggin o mine. And caffeine, of course. Been feelin empty sometimes, but that's quite normal, it's just me being something, I dunno, barely got any brain energy at this point. Nice workout today. I preserved my energy. Drummed for the first time in a long time. That's great. Redeveloping my interest for music, so I'm not just fiddlin around on the acoustic. Tried writing a little bit to jam to earlier today, opened Cakewalk after a long break as well. I really simply must occasionally jam, so i don't forget how to mix and such.

Been praying to God so he would make good things happen and make bad things go away. Been praying and praying. I'm a big ol sinner, of course, so i don't really deserve to be heard, perhaps, but then again, it's not for me to decide. It's not like I'm about something nonimportant. Yeah, and I do think of myself as a rational man, even a rationalist to a degree. This is just a separate part of me. I doesn't contradict my rational self somehow. Why would it? It's just a complex system of beliefs, where one belief supports another one, and it's all supported by a great tradition that encompasses so much. Taking away a man's faith is a lot like telling him that he's gonna die. We all know we're gonna die, but some deaths are better than others. Taking away a man's faith is like telling him he's gonna die in maximum pain, rottin on the street. Cause faith is hope. Ain't giving up. Not everyone feels the need for hope - or, perhaps, they have a different version of hope in their mind. I don't disrespect atheists, if they truly believe they're searching for the truth. If they don't - disregard this kind of people, I'd say.

Sometimes atheists act like they got an ideology. Plenty of them do. A small minority will admit to it. Cause naturally there's nothing inherently wrong in having an ideology. But when you don't wanna admit you got one, and you feel like you're lying to yourself - you gotta ask yourself one or two questions. The biggest question is "what do I feel and why do I feel it". And it's a hard one to answer truthfully.

I spent way too much time drinking coffee today. So, no wonder I'm tired. Well, tired a little too early. I just wish I never heard things or saw things that make me "upset", if that is what I'm experiencing. I'm not exactly sure I'm "upset". Being upset is for kids. What I feel is some kind of negative emotion. Hard to describe.

Getting a bit more unhinged every day. Don't like it too much. If you keep putting things on a frail bridge it's just gonna break. Don't feel too well.

Overhead press

Warmup - not too much

70*5 kinda hard

More warmup

70*5 better

90 - 3 sets of 5 (or maybe 2 sets?)

100*5 not bad

70 - 3 sets of 5

I've been thinking... I ain't sure how to express it. I've been having this notion that lighter weights are just better for strength development. And if i'm gonna do OHP I should not use my supermax max weight, which would be 130. My 125 was good enough, but borderline not too great. It was an overhead press. Feel free to disagree, especially if you went through a longer path of OHP than I did. I've been specializing in OHP since summer 2011, it started in august. And I tried lotsda different things. One thing I gotta tell you for sure - OHP, a lot like bench, is one of those exercises that loves high volume. And I don't mean high volume of high-rep bodybuilding-style sets. I mean power volume, like good old bulgarian-weightlkifting kinda stuff. Bulgarian sin't all about maxing out all the time, you know.

Anyway, I gotta not forget that I'm coming off an illness, and I even took an antibiotic pill today. I think I'm almost completely healed, so that has to be it for now. I reckon there's enough pills left for the next time. Next time someone get one of them bacterial infections - we can give it to em. Those are large pills though. And other meds. Vitamins. I wanted to get some vitamins for a while, and they come with an apadtogenic herb, so that's good. Benn wonderin if I need vitamins. All that typing helps me calm down.

But I gotta come to a conclusion though. What am I gonna do about my OHPs? I think it's more than likely that I am indeed going to start doing squats instead of DLs, since maxing out is so hard for me. I think I did get some results, you don't always have to max out to get stronger. I've been super buff and pretty strong this january - not too bad. Mostly calm, don't have an inflamed brain. All that frickin negativity though, it's gotta not be too good for my health and longevity. I would frickin love to die, but also maybe not. TOo tired of having of having htese thoughts. Too tired overall. Hope I'll have enough energy tomorrow.

And yeah, I think I will indeed do lighter stuff. Maybe much lighter. We can have a few different maxes - a strict and easy one, a less strict one, and supermax, My "supermax" is designated at 130 - realistically, I should be able to do an ugly dirty rep of 130 if I get my energy levels high. But if you train for stricter, more powerful move then you can take a lighter max. But you'll have to make sure that all your reps are strict and powerful, in that case. Strict isn't always good, trust me on that. You don't wanna work against your own body while lifting, trying to keep your torse immobile, for example, or your legs completely straight - that's counterproductive for the movement. (Just so we're clear, it's easier to push your hips forwards if your legs are bent, it's not for pushing upwards like in pushpress. That'd be a much bigger technical mistake).

Man, it's unlike I'm gonna reread all this stuff, but I'm gonna the general notion if I take a look at this post.