Friday 19th

 19.11.2021

Strange day. As expected, after more than two weeks of excellent gym work I'm starting to drift off sideways.
Wednesday workout turned out to be rather fatiguing in many ways - a lot of small unexpected spots are hurting, and wrist does too. I added one more activity to damage my wrist, oh my. (That being heavy bag practice). Well, not a big deal. Shouldn't be too problematic if I really pace myself well.

Slept all day yesterday (that being all free time). Woke up late, then quite randomly fell asleep early into total dead sleep. Second time I've experienced that "dead sleep" lately.

I'm going thtough something that I can describe as a light "ego death" - I feel like I've lost some connection in my mind between some things I do and what they used to mean. But it's rather light. I just gotta shed some old misconceptions as my mind and body suffers from a bit of overtraining. It's mostly in CNS. I didn't train yesterday, on thursday. That's why I'm training today, and I'm gonna make my saturday workout way lighter. I've been doing PPs on saturday for a while now, and they feel good. But this sort of breaks my program by inserting random workouts between actual workouts. Can I actually do heavy presses and PPs on saturday? After only 2 days of rest? I think no.

I think I'll do my OHP and PP on monday, and some lighter pressing work on saturday. And I gotta help my DL and keep up the energy with some squats - either today or tomorrow. Still not sure about today.

Today turned out to be an empty day work-wise - no repeatable quests, they got shifted. It feels really good to not have anything to do. It used to feel bad, but back in the day "empty days" were days with no workouts. It was way worse in the past. I've gotten better at life. More meaningful.

This "ego death" I mentioned really makes me feel stupid. Not in Socratean sense - not cause I know that I know very little, that's just obvious. I've been feeling like a stupid individual, someone publicly impulsive, comitting meaningless actions. Well, it's only really a feeling. It's connected to my youtube struggles.

Made some poorly thought-out decisions today as well - cooked hamburgers, like I wanted. There was no onions, so it was buns, mayonnaise, bell pepper, tomato, chinese lettuce. Pretty nice stuff. I had three, which turned out to be a massive amount. My "old self" (my younger self, ha ha) was way better at devouring large amounts of nutrition for the sake of weight gain. Now I know it's not quite meaningful. For me, weight gain is about consistency and small quirks. You gotta have excess calories, but then there's the excess of excess, ha ha. I've gooten much better at it in 2020. In 2017 I was wasting my money on snacks and wrong kind of food - a side effect of staying in "permabulk" for so long. And it's a great way to live, cause you look massive, you are strong and you do indeed have energy to lift, as opposed to being an annoying fitness skinny proportions guy. I talked about it before. I'm not radically against looking good, but to me it's not quite meaningful. Lifting big weights somehow is. Strange.

I'm not being a nihilist. I thinking too many things right now. I mentioned it before - it's easily possible to have multiple streams of thoughts at once, a few separate monologues or even dialogues happening in your head, as well as some picture/sound shows. Am I schizophrenic or genius? Ha ha. Or maybe it's neither. Maybe I'm lying or misrepresenting what I feel. Anyways, having multiple "streams of thought" is most definitely nothing out of the ordinary - many people report experiencing that. I feel so annoying, I'm not even trying to look pretentious in a funny way, I'm genuinely shallow but wannabe smart. Pathetic. But I know it's more of an emotional reaction rather than an actual conclusion about myself, so that's okay.
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Can't make a good coffee cup for myself. Keep making it too thin today. Sick of it. Maybe it's better this way - I'm not getting caffeinated. CNS still tired. Metabolism slowed. Am I complaining? I hope not.

Learning new shapes on the fretboard. I found a nice way to avoid mislabeling chords - I just call them numbers 1-7. On white keys A Minor would be 6, and B Diminished 7, C Major is 1 etc.

My light workout

Squat - high bar, only sets of 10

20

50 - 3 sets

Later, in my room

7 kg ez bar - 3 sets

Bodyweight

2 sets of 15 - explosive, but controlled

Cementerio de San Lorenzo