Cute day

 31.07.2021

"how to get over impulsive suicidal thoughts"

How? I've no idea. Why does it happen? Must be brain chemistry or something. One day you have good hormones, another day you have nothing. Thank God I don't have a gun!

Also I've been... making mistakes with my choices in life. Small mistakes that no one else can see or guess. But crossing this boundary meant I got close to another one, and that one was quite shocking.

I'm not one person. I have two wills that have to fight. More wills than two, in fact. But, as I mentioned before, I just... Now that's just cringe. If you want, you can re-read some stuff from april or something, I think I detailed it there as well. It has nothing to do with people that were previously mentioned, this time it's mostly just me. Sometimes just being is quite an active act. Well, I hope I'm I'm letting out all the bullshit from my brain. Coffee time soon.
---

Coffee time. Brain flooded with bad memories - when I should have done something, but I didn't. Thankfully, the situation has been resolved, yet, of course, people who should've gone to jail are free and prosperous. Why won't I pursue them further? Well, admittedly, I'm just not the kind of person to go to trials and shit. But I am disappointed with how police in here sucks balls - they're either incredibly lazy or casually corrupt. And people who I've put my trust in betrayed me. Some of them didn't have to go through with helping me, and some of them were bound by duty and blood - that doesn't feel quite forgivable, to be honest. Do I forgive yet? Hard to say.

Well, I'm finally about to take some coffee. Wish me luck!

---

Having coffee. Feels good.

---

Deadlift

Warmup

70*5

120*5

140*5

150 - 2 sets of 5

Bent over rows

70*30 nice, easy pump

Some drumming.

Random picture of the day - Portuguese synagogue



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