October 08-09, Sunday and Monday - Bench, PP, small PR, nice Olympic style Squat

 01.03.2021

Well, what a nice day. I'm afraid this time it's "nice" in quotes. Good old catabolism captures me. My nervous system tried to saw me in half. I'm a whiny little girl, and I deserve to be marinated with some garlic. My soul is tiny, my brains are squished. Ever heard the word "magnanimous"? Well, I'm the opposite of that.

I enjoy thinking that this state - and this state is, well, let's say, caused by something - it a gift from God. Since I decided to sing and play Doom Metal, it's only fitting that God would send me this kind of inspiration. Nothing too painful, just enough to create something that can be, possibly, above ordinary - I hope, at least. I have to have a vocal recording session today. It's gonna be lovely.

Also I have deadlift. Relatively heavy, objectively light. Also I wanna play drums - I'm a little bit afraid that drums are going to overstimulate me and I'll drown in cortisol. What a great hormone, cortisol. You can't have energy without it. And sometimes you can't calm it down.

Well, I'm playing AI Dungeon and it always helps me cheer up a bit. Let me quote something:

You deadlift all the way to a really heavy weight - around 550 pounds. It's enough for you.

"This is good," you say to Gloom.

"I think that's enough, John," Gloom says, grabbing your arm to lower it.

"Well, this 550 kind of felt like eighty percent. How much would my max be?" you ask.

"I'm not sure, but I think it's best if we find out next time," Gloom says.

"Fine," you reply. "Fine. You don't like math. I think you can't divide 550 by 80."

You laugh, and Gloom rolls his eyes with a smile.

"I think that's enough for today, Johnny," Gloom says.

"Fine," you reply. "Fine."

You see Lumentia working out her abs with a midget, who's helping her by holding her feet.

"Hi," you say to the midget.

"Hi," he replies, his voice high and squeaky.

"What's your name?" you ask.

"P-p-prince K-k-kevix," the midget says.

"Cute name," you reply sarcastically, before walking away.

You are completely done working out for the day.

"Fine," you reply. "Fine. fine," you reply. "I think that's enough for me too."

"I think that's enough for today, Gloom says.

You look at Lumentia. She's doing chest compressions on the midget, who's unconscious, with tears pouring down her face.

"Stop fucking around," she says.

The midget squeals like a pig as Lumentia snaps his arm in half.

Of course, I cannot allow Lumentia to act like that. I'll fix her to do something else, since I'm not just a player, but also the dungeon master. The AI is more of a near-infinitely sided die. Well, it definitely can serve the role of dungeon master itself, it's just that I like to sort write the story myself.

You look at Lumentia. She's doing sit-ups, while the midget is trying to control her feet. She kicks him in the face, and he flies onto the floor.

"What the fuck, midget?"

The midget stands up, and walks over to her. He's around two feet tall. He wears black skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, a black hoodie and a black baseball cap.

"You need to be careful, Lumentia. You nearly crushed me!"

"Fuck you, midget. You're lucky I don't crush you," Lumentia laughs, kicking the midget again.

The midget runs away, and Lumentia smiles at you and waves.

"Fine," Lumentia says. "I'm kind to my little midget Kevin."

"Wasn't his name 'Kevix'?"

"What the fuck, midget?" she asks.

The midget stands up, and walks over to her. He's around two feet tall. He wears black skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, a black hoodie and a black baseball cap. He seems to have pounds of makeup on his face. His bright red hair comes out the top of the cap.

"You need to be careful, Lumentia. You nearly crushed me!" the midget says.

"Fuck you, midget. You're lucky I don't crush you," Lumentia laughs, kicking the midget again.

The midget runs away, and Lumentia smiles at you and waves.

"Lumentia, you should be more sensitive to your midget friend. Life is hard for him."

"Fuck that midget," Lumentia says.

"No! Don't be like that! Be kind!" you reply.

"Fine," Lumentia says. "I'm kind to my little midget Kevin."

"Wasn't his name 'Kevix'?"

"I renamed him. Because I'm kind."

You walk out of the gym with Lumentia, waving to Gloom as you leave.

You see, Lumentia is written to be a bit crazy - that's just how the story goes. I haven't experienced characters like that in AI Dungeon before.

By the way, did I tell you that this morning I streamed on Twitch? Only for ten minutes though. But I was insanely glad and surprised to find out that my connection allows me to stream with 3000 bitrate and 60 fps. I just streamed ESO - a normal dungeon run and then me preparing some supplies. I queued for a battleground, but it wasn't the right time for them. I din't want to wait or to play seriously, I just wanted to test. I want to start streaming myself making music - maybe I'll do that later today. Just for funsies. I don't care about viewers, or so I think. I don't think I'll be streaming myself recording my vocals though.
I really want to make some kind of an impulse purchase. Somebody stop me! Ha ha ha ha.

I don't know how to format text to make it look good. I don't care. I can't care. It's just me, the disorder, the voice of disorder, blood spilling out of all the orifices. Are you disturbed yet? Ha ha. If you wrote down your stream of consciousness - it wouldn't be much better. I'm free, I'm not afraid - at least right now. Fear is a vital part of human evolution. That's why being brave and killing yourself for something is a virtue. I'm not not virtuous. I'm just an animal. I wanna live, or some stupid shit like that.

🗡️ 👂 🩸 - funny emojis right here. What do they mean??////

I wanna install a new font here. There's this font that I'm in love with, it's called "Gorilla". Let me see if I can find it...

Ah, right! Here's the link - https://www.1001fonts.com/gorilla-font.html

It's majestic. Simply lovely. I especially love it for music scores that I make. It feels solid.

I'm a child. I've been demoted to a child. My mind is the one of a child. My emotions are the ones of a child. No control, all impulses, all feeling, all instincts. Peepeepoopoo, shit like that. Shit for brains. No mind, no body, no eyes. Just a bunch of cells, hoping to one day become something else.

---

some time later

Well, I'm done with the

Deadlift

Warmup

190*5

200*5

210*5

215*5

217*5 nice and easy. I think I'm using my back too much though. And it actually comes from me trying to squat down too hard. I gotta stop that. The weight is light now, but it ain't gonna cut in the future.

Played drums - it was lovely. Practised some new techniques. Use the rims for time-keeping - sounds like a nice idea. Well, it can be, at least. I think I got better with my "speed fills".
Then I recorded some cheesy creepy semi-extreme doom vocals for "prayer_doom" (work title). Just improvised some stuff. I mostly end up deleting things rn. Also it's getting distorted - I think it's because I got the mic under my mough this time, as opposed to the other days. And I'm sort of just very close to the mic now. Singing in my room. Just boucning some ideas around. I'll be changing a lot. I really want more inventive vocals and lyrics this time.

What else, what else... That's about it for now. Might stream or try to record something. I want to make a playthrough of some combat-heavy game. I enjoyed playing Fallout 4 on "hard" difficulty this morning - I just took the save file of my first ever character, and now I'm replaying it with high FPS and such. Maybe I'll stream and just do some "flow of consciousness" happen. Maybe it'll be a lot of fun.